My Conversion Story Journal

December 27, 2023

For a Convert converting to Judaism, Christmas season cannot be prepared for ahead of time. All of the preparation and warnings and advice about the season is not enough. My Rabbi said, "Soft landing" when I asked him how I should respond to my family and friends during this time. "Let them get you gifts if they want." The problem is not only with my family, but with all of society. Any store I went to, any person that I passed, any stranger I passed, all said Merry Christmas. There was no escape from the decorations, the phrases, or the songs. The expectation to say it back is felt and the disappointment of not saying it back is felt and seen. Christmas trees are in every building (including public places and schools). There is no way to not know that the holiday is being celebrated by most of the country.

Things I didn't do:
I did not say Merry Christmas. I was kind and said, "Enjoy your holidays." After all, they are not mine.
I did not decorate at all. I no longer own any Christmas decorations or clothing so that part was easy.
I did not attend any Christmas dinners.
I did not accept gifts on Christmas from my children. This may seem a bit harsh since they all still celebrate it as a time of lights and gift giving and family celebration, but they understood and honored my request to give me gift for Chanukah or my birthday if they felt the need to give me anything.
I did not argue back with my dad. I let him be angry and respond but held my tongue and gave no response. I understand his passion for his faith and can't blame him for feeling angry at me for not living the way the rest of my (very large) family lives or believe the same as the rest of my (very large) family.
I did not watch Hallmark movies (there are soooo many). (I have not watched TV in a while because I have been studying in all of my spare time).
I did not sing Christmas songs. ( I did research the history of what happened to the Jews on Christmas instead).


Things I did do:
I let students do a Christmas countdown on their own for the month of December. It is their classroom as well as mine. Their culture matters in my room, because they matter.
I did let students choose a holiday movie to watch the day before break (I was finishing a blanket for the crochet club to present to the principal for his new baby).
I accepted gifts from students and parents and staff members before break. I showed appreciation because I know it meant something to them to make that gift or buy that gift. I understand that it is a way the way that have been taught to show that they care about someone. I am thankful to be so cared about.
I did use my break from work to visit my children.
I studied Jewish history.
I spent Christmas eve learning Hebrew (Thank you GZ for spending those 5 hours with me) and part of Christmas day teaching Calculus.

I am happy Christmas is over. There is no way to prepare for the stress of a holiday that is over commercialized, but there is a way to get through it. My friends helped me. It is always nice knowing that you are not the only person who does things differently than the majority of the population, but it is especially nice when you have a like minded person to share that time with. Not for a moment did I feel alone or rejected or shamed this Christmas for not observing the holiday. I was among friends.

Thank you Hashem for your many blessings, your love, and your kindness. I love you.