My Conversion Story Journal

December 10, 2023

I had a bad week this week. I did a lot of struggling with family and friends this week. The long lectures from my dad became a bit too much. I wish my dad understood some of the words that came out of his mouth, such as, "I guess the Jews aren't going to hell for worshiping just G-d." Then in another sentence (practically right after), "Jesus is G-d." Really? Isn't the point of every religion to worship the one true G-d? How can you be angry for someone doing that, and in the next sentence give another G-d to worship. I am tired of the circular argument. I'm tired of statements that contradict one another. I'm tired of hearing about Jesus taking the place over G-d in worship. Or even the worse one that every time G-d is mentioned in the Bible that it really refers to Jesus (like he sent himself and prayed to himself to help himself?).

Needless to say, that with arguing with everyone, I made some people upset with me and not talk to me for days. I will not apologize for my decision to convert nor will I bend to anyone trying to change my mind. I'm not entering into this lightly and I knew when I made my decision that it would not be easy. However, I will not stand for a few things:

1. Talking bad about me and Telling me that I'm going to hell is fine, but I won't stand for talking bad about anyone at my shul or the people who are amazing and wonderful people because of my decision to join them.
2. Calling the Jews a cult and that they recruit people just to kill them. This is so far off, I don't even know where to start. First, they DON'T recruit. Converting to Judaism is not an easy process. Jews have so persecuted that they need to make sure that the person converting has the proper intentions (That would be to worship the one true G-d of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. You know, the one that Christians claim to worship until they claim that it is Jesus).
3. I'm not quite ready to talk about this one yet.

I'm thankful to have my Rabbi to talk to. He is supportive and helpful. I also sat and talked with someone after shul (for hours) and that was helpful too. I know that I am doing this alone, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone in it.

Today is the 4th day of Chanukah. It was nice to see the menorah lit in front of the Chabad. I have been lighting my menorah every day and reciting the blessings. Chanukah is a family holiday (8 days worth of family and celebrations). Since I am doing this alone, and far from any Jewish community, it is a very lonely holiday. I want to celebrate with family, but they celebrate Christmas, not Chanukah. Maybe, someday. Until that day, I will eat (an enjoy because I'm a good cook) my home made delicious latkes alone.