A Journal With Everything

Struggling

Prompt: What is something you are struggling with and how are you dealing with it?

My father's death last Saturday. I am here for my mother and I have shed tears in private. I hadn't talked my feelings out with my family. I talked to my father yesterday. I looked to the sky and talked to him. I told God to tell him I am thinking of him and loved him.

I was listening to Angel By Sarah Mclaughlin and cried. I listened to Vietnam War Protest songs. Dad was in Vietnam three times. My husband walked in and I was listening to the Protest songs on YouTube. I said I hate that Vietnam War. I cried and my husband hugged me. That Vietnam War affected mine and my father's relationship. We were close the first ten years of my life and he went to Vietnam and he was never the same. The past Twenty Five years, my father and I were there for each other and weren't close but we did hug at times. We quit arguing. We made peace and would do anything for each other. I thank God for that. I told him I loved him when he was in the hospital. I have to get through his military funeral Tuesday.

My son is home from Oregon and I talked with him and he had been trying to get me to open up since he came home Sunday. I made a break through. I have my husband, my son, friends and family to help me. I watch military movies and remember the good times. I need to be there for Mom. God will be there for me. I am not alone. I can do this.