My Conversion Story Journal

November 11, 2023

Every Shabbat seems to be full of learning, laughter, tears, prayers, songs, questions, and the longing for it never to end. Unfortunately, like Robert Frost said, "Nothing gold can stay." The drive to shul started with the most beautiful sunrise. I started my drive before sunrise, but watching it rise was so beautiful. It started with a beautiful mix of red and gray. Then turned to a bright gold morning sun. The normal winter gray that followed was not gloomy enough to take away the feeling the sight of the sunrise left on my spirit. It was the easiest 3 hour drive I've had since going to shul. No near death experiences.

I arrived at what I like to call my sweet spot. It is not too early but not too late. I know the prayers and service and can follow easily and don't feel like I missed my davening time before the Torah is read. There is something about the very start of the service that makes me feel lost and I miss too much prayer time if I come when the Torah is already being read.

There are a few stories (life experiences of others) I heard over the past few weeks that I think will help those struggling to understand why I haven't changed my mind about converting considering the excessive amount of anti-semitism going on around the world right now.

The first story is from a young man who spent time in Israel (multiple times). On one occasion, he was on the street. He had just bought a Coca-Cola and was struggling to open the bottle. A man saw him struggling and offered to help. The stranger took the bottle and began to beat the cap against the wall to try to pop it open. As he was doing this, a cab driver saw the man with bottle, stopped, took the bottle and opened it with his bottle opener. The cab driver then handed the bottle back to the stranger who was helping the young man. The stranger then handed the bottle back to the young man. Both the cab driver and the stranger left just as abruptly as they arrived to help leaving the young man standing alone on the sidewalk with his bottle of Coca-Cola.

The second story is about a young man who was in the hospital for a few weeks. His mother couldn't be with him every day and strangers heard about him being in the hospital alone. The strangers then visited him and brought him kosher home made food. When they couldn't visit, they sent word to let him know when they would be there next so he wouldn't feel alone.

The last story of the day is about a friend who was going through a very difficult experience, but stopped just to ask how service went for me today. He knows how much I love to attend shul and how much I love to learn and pray. To him, I can only say, "Thank you for continuing to be one of my lamp lighters."

I watched the sun set on my drive home tonight. It was gold sinking into the earth. I saw the stars peak through the clouds. It was a beautiful drive home.

Maimonides wrote, " It is natural for a man's character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates and for him to follow the local norms of behavior. Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the company of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds."

G-d has given me a choice to choose who I want to be in this life. I want to be a good person who loves G-d and has kindness and compassion for all of G-d's creation, including people. I want to have a heart that wakes in the morning and goes to bed at night asking him for, "The words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart" to be acceptable to him. I know who I want to be around me and influence my behavior and deeds. I know who I want to be and who I want to be like.