My Conversion Story Journal

September 27, 2023 - Yom Kippur

Yom Kippur is a 25 hour fast and an all day (and night before) prayer service. It is filled with beautiful prayers of asking G-d for forgiveness. It was quite exhausting. Not only did I fast for over 25 hours, but also stood a long time (hours) praying and concentrating on prayers. The concentration and reading became difficult the last hour of service. At that point, I had fasted 27 hours. Words started to run together.

Then there was the fact that I hadn't showered since the morning before. One of the rules for Yom Kippur is not to wash. I felt gross. My hair felt gross. I wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower (one of the things I thank G-d for every time I get one). I pictured the stench coming off of me and filling the entire room like a cloud of yuck. Of course, that is an exaggeration, but it didn't seem like it by the end of the day. At least not that day. I did smell my clothes the next day and they smelled just fine, so it was just me worrying for nothing, but I'm used to showering every morning. I enjoy showering every morning. This part was difficult for me for sure.

Then there was the part of me being me. I have to be the only person who can fast for over 24 hours and suddenly, in the middle of praying, start choking on my own spit. How did I even have that much spit at that point? Seriously? Normally, my mouth would be completely dry, but not the day I fasted in the presence of a hundred other people. No, then I had so much spit in my mouth that I had to embarrass myself by choking on it.

I spent three nights at my host's house. It was nice getting to know her a little more. She really is a wonderful woman. She has a pond and a creek behind her house. It was a beautiful escape and a great spot to refresh the mind and talk with G-d. I'm attaching the photos (if I get it right) I took of the pond and the creek. It's amazing that in the middle of a stressful day, event, or place, G-d can provide such peace.

I am so thankful to my host, S, for the possibility to have this experience. Without her, I would just be reading about it instead of experiencing it. I'm also thankful for H who let me nap at her house between services. I am blessed with having found a wonderful community with women so inviting and helpful.

This next weekend starts Sukkot. I will not be able to do all of the events for the holiday due to work obligations, but I get to enjoy one day of it, and I'm very much looking forward to it.