Therapy session: what do I want?

Food for thought

         This is just food for thought. Something that will help me move forward. My thoughts are everywhere. But in order to see the end of this road, I gotta walk it and express all that I feel. so here I go....

At this point in time I would rather sleep and let time pass me by. Maybe when I wake up, things will be different and I will be okay.
I don't feel motivated tonight. I don't want to be here and work. When I am here I think of you. I know I cannot allow for this to take over me. But I cannot help it. It's how I feel. In time, I know it will get better. I am getting ready for the battle I will fight within myself. When I know you will allow me to walk away because you never really cared enough to hold on to me. You will allow your past to hold you back. And for that reason, as I am fighting to exhume you out of my heart, you will act as if nothing has happened and move forward. It hurts to know this. To see the memories I created with you. To know that I allowed myself to open up and express my love to you. Nothing is ever enough for those that truly are not meant to be. If the time comes and you ask why I walked away I will express myself to you one more time and tell you that I cannot be with someone that refuses to open their heart to anyone. I tried and I failed. I guess time will heal it all but Goddamnit, I hate this. I never get it right. I am always told that I am strong to walk away... One of the many great aspects, one that I am very proud of. But I am so tired. My soul hurts. I have no peace because I opened up my heart. Maybe I shouldn't have. I don't regret it and for that I must now get ready to fight and remove the "what if's" and understand that what was not meant for me, must go for good.