My Conversion Story Journal

September 17, 2023

Happy New Year! Yes, it is the Jewish new year! I just ended my first ever Rosh Hashanah. It was three days of prayers, rituals, celebrations, and an amazing amount of food. Since it is very late on Sunday night, I am going to talk about my Friday night. Since there is so much to tell, I will add more about the weekend over the next couple of days.

I worked Friday until about 4 and then rushed to my car and drove the three hours to the community that I am slowly becoming a part of to have dinner with someone I had met the week before and stay at her house. Yes, for the first time in my life, I stayed at a stranger's house. It was as awkward the first night as anyone would expect it to be.

I made it to her house about fifteen minutes before we were to light candles. Her family (extended) was there. I sat at the table of a stranger with her mother, brother, and sister-in-law. We did kiddush (a prayer over wine or grape juice), and I realized that it was real wine a bit too late. However, with the awkwardness of the night already, I didn't say anything and finished off the glass of wine. It was actually helpful.

I don't remember if we lit candles before or after the challah, but I thought it was very thoughtful that she had two candles out for herself to light, two for her sister-in-law to light, and two for me to light. We then said our bruchas (blessings) together. Because it was a holiday and it was the new year, it was technically the first time that year that we had lit candles, so they helped me through a new brucha (blessing) for the experiencing a first.

The challah was a honey challah because of the holiday. Honey is added to almost everything, "to have a sweet year." It was a honey wheat and it was delicious. The lady, S, that I stayed with is vegan, so all of the food we ate was meatless. I tried everything. The salad, the beans, and more. It was all very good. It was the first meal I had eaten that day besides a bagel. I had a very busy day and worked through my lunch. Dinner was perfect.

Of course her family knew I was arriving and that I am converting. This, of course, meant a lot of questions. I don't know that I can answer all of the questions that everyone asks, but so far, questioning starts the same way. What made you want to convert to Judaism?

The simple question of why does not have a simple answer. There is no one thing. There is not a day that I woke up and said, "Oh, I think I'll become Jewish today." No, it was a long process that took years of questioning who I was, my life, my beliefs, my relationship with G-d, my family, my history and my family's history. And then there was the slow letting go of what I knew was wrong and the gradual step toward what I knew was right and where I knew I needed to be.

My steps are no longer little or gradual. I to the point of meaningful and purposeful steps with a lengthened stride and holding back on the desire to sprint because I know there are still miles to run.

We did a lot of discussion about Judaism, traditions, and the new year. My host's brother asked what year it was (5084) and then said, "I just got used to writing 5083 on my checks." I thought it was a clever joke. Obviously no one writes that date on their checks since the world runs on the secular calendar. It's not funny when I explain it, I know, but I laughed.

They were happy to have met me and left after 10pm. I helped my host clean the table, we talked for a short amount of time, and then we went to bed.

There were some things that she did differently. She did not have lights turned on throughout her house. She said she normally just walks around in the dark. I hadn't heard of anyone doing that, because I heard that the lights being on in the house symbolized the fact that Jews were a light to the world showing G-d's light.

There was a lot of differences between her house and the other two houses that I visited this weekend. I will talk more about that tomorrow. Have a great night!