Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

Blog 2.0

One month clean after a very long and exhausting dive into the depths of addiction. It got bad...really bad and became almost suicidal in approach.

"Why should I care if so few others do?" Sorry, I almost puked in my own self-pity Oh, but I do love a good sob story...or read the underlying subtext..."All I need is an excuse...any excuse will do and I will run with it until the cows come home."

What about this one..."Poor me...no one loves me and no one wants to read my stories." Boo fuckin hoo is what you should all be saying to me...and I hope you do because that's exactly what I deserve. The truth...not some sweetened message of encouragement that I can then use as my next excuse.

John Belushi's wife said all he needed was a reason...an excuse...if he was happy, he would go and get high. If he was sad...you can see what she was saying. We need to be accountable, but to only one person, ourselves. No one else can do this for me (I'm banging the keys in sheer disgust at my own failings). I didn't let you down...I only let one person down and that was me and I am angry, frustrated, disappointed and damn pissed at myself. And so I should be.

And what am I going to do about it THIS TIME? Play the victim? Oh, my brother beat me every other day whilst I was growing up, so I deserve to get high. Fuck me dead, I sound like a spoiled brat who is trapped in the body of a near sixty-year-old man. A man who will use any excuse going to continue to get high.

I'm angry and I will not use dealers, addiction, history or my own stupidity to try to convince you that I deserve another chance...because I don't. What I deserve is to stop using this fucking drug once and for all.

"Can I do it?" Who the fuck cares little boy. The world has bigger problems than to pay one second of attention to yours.

I still have stuff to say, but I won't sugarcoat anything...and at times, I will be downright aggressive in my approach. I'm not pulling any punches this time around. If that's not what you like then please...go elsewhere because I don't have time to waste milling around the issues that I still see in myself and in those around me.

We all need more truth in our lives and if truth isn't your thing, read someone else's words who might be a little less objectionable. I'm done with that and anyone who thinks they like the sound of what I am saying...come along for the ride because it will only get better from here.

On drugs, I'm a pussy MF. However, off them, I am not even close to that. But don't be discouraged people, especially if courage is something lacking in your life because you might actually hear something that will benefit you.

Good luck and away I go.