~ in the neck is low tech, through the heart is high art ~ |
Sometimes the successes of someone else make me suffer,as if I am somehow diminished by somebody else's creation or achievement. Sometimes this brings a flare of resentment & a desire to find flaws. I'm sorry about it. Sometimes I cave to sloth & inertia. I cancel plans & withdraw. Sometimes like a clinomaniac I withdraw under the covers & sleep as a form of escape. Sleep demands so little. Task & duty hover anxiously in the background I'm sorry about it. Sometimes I don't reply to emails text messages or reviews. I give in to digital hoarding. I read the message & I write a response immediately in my head. Those messages never get sent. I'm sorry about it. Sometimes I get enraged by people & their behaviours in public, especially those behaviours that involve noise & / or personal space. Sometimes I speak up about it using my projected school-teacher voice & sometimes I imagine myself screaming at the individual/s at fault, whacking at ankles with my walking stick. I'm sorry about it. Sometimes I despair over lost opportunities whether real or imagined. In my head I hear horrible statements about how ordinary I am. I berate myself for not finishing things or worse not even starting them. My inner voice is not always very kind though I am positively striving to change this, because sincerely I'm sorry about it. |