Toe in the Water

American Idols (4)

American Idols (4)

Numero Quattro: Soaring Sign Posts

The poor foreigner thinks that he knows about American sign posts. He has seen the famous golden arches that indicate his local McDonald's diner and imagines that this is the real thing. Well, he better not believe it. Those golden arches are an imposter, a mere imitation of how it's really done.

At some time in the distant past Americans forgot the purpose of legs and bought wheels instead. This is a nation that moves on wheels, wheels of cars, trucks, pick-ups, vans, semis (what we call articulated lorries in Britain), SUVs (sports utility vehicles - the dreaded four-wheel drive monsters) and MPVs (multi-purpose vehicles). And to serve this horde of vehicles, the drive-in was invented. There are drive-in restaurants, drive-in banks, drive-in tobacconists and drive-in liquor stores. You name it, you can probably drive into it somewhere.

As an aside, the originator of this culture of driving in, the drive-in theater (or cinema as we would call it) is dying out and an uncommon sight these days. I do not know the reason for this threatened extinction but, in some ways, it is a pity. The drive-in cinema had a role to play in my teenage years (we had them in Africa) and there is a certain nostalgia in contemplating those serried ranks of car parking spaces, all facing a giant screen, with their individual posts holding the speakers that you attached to the side window of your car (and the inevitable posts with dangling wires amputated by a forgetful motorist departing without first removing the speaker). Civilization moves on and forgets the bold icons of its youth.

But to return to my point: this proliferation of the drive-in everything has meant that businesses have had to compete for the attention of the passing motorist. And the most effective way of doing this is to put up a sign where the traffic can see it.

That is fine in theory, of course. But when every store, outlet and diner has put out their sign, the effect is actually counter-productive; it becomes a confusing mass of signs, all competing for attention, all shouting with the same voice, getting in the way of each other, and only becoming a gaudy display without meaning to the driver flashing past.

The first solution to this problem was the distinctive logo. Recognizing that motorists had no time to read more than a word or two in their passing, businesses began to design simple and easily-recognized emblems that would say all that was necessary about the delights they offered. The logo was used everywhere, in advertising, signs, literature, anywhere that could be stamped with the mark of approval. Even the buildings were made to conform to the standard design and colors. The company style and logo became all that was needed for the potential customer to know immediately what was on offer. Here was the start of the most famous of brand logos, the golden arches, the ice cream cone of Brauns, the green and yellow of Subway.

Of course, the usual problem then raised its ugly head. Once everyone had climbed on the band wagon, the customer was presented with a mass of colors and designs that merged into a kaleidoscope of confusion. How to rise above the rest, to shout loudest, to be the one noticed in the crowd?

Oh, to have been at that meeting where some bright spark first had the light dawn upon his feverish imagination. I can see it now:

"How's about if we stick it on a pole?"

"A pole?"

"Yes, a pole. But not any old pole. Let's put it on a pole so high, it'll stick out way above the rest."

Silence in the meeting for a few moments as the towering idea begins to infiltrate the minds of the perplexed.

"You know, I think he may have something there."

The first drops of the coming torrent of inspiration begin to flow. There is another pause as understanding begins to inhabit the slower minds. Our hero, the inspired genius, warms to the unfolding vision.

"In fact, let's stick it on a pole so high, nobody will top it! We'll get so damn high, they'll see it for miles!"

The dam breaks. The flood begins. In an explosion of enthusiasm and new conversion to the astounding revelation, the meeting breaks out into a celebration of joy and wonderment.

Or so it should have been.

As other companies followed and reached for the sky, something else was discovered. Yes, the concerns with the most money could afford the tallest poles. But it didn't matter. Now that the third dimension had been invented, there was order brought to the horde of enticements. As layer upon layer of signs were added, it became apparent that it mattered not how far you were from the uttermost peak; as long as you chose a height at which your sign was visible, you were in there with a shouting chance.

And so the look of an American town was altered forever. Streets became a vista of logo upon logo, sign upon sign, all at different heights, all creating a three-dimensional cornucopia for the eye. The public responded with true recognition of the bold achievement. They learned the logos, understood the stratified environment and became able to pick out the required establishment from huge distances.

I salute the invention that has come to be the look of America. Oh, lofty spire, so cunningly be-topped with your familiar statement, your brave summation of meaning, I honor your attainment so towering, so lifted above the mere humdrum. In your teeming multitude you stand supreme, an essential part of what is now America.

A symbol of pride and accomplishment, let it have its moment upon the podium. Stand and salute with me, friends, the soaring sign post that is an American icon.


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