Can We Talk 2

Putting Old Dreams To Rest

         I heard a sermon last Sunday about Moses being so close to the Promised Land, yet being denied the fulfillment of his dream. He was never to enter that land. The message for us was that, perhaps, we, too, have dreams which we need to release. I spoke with several others later, who felt as I did, that he was preaching to us individually. I didn't realize this was a universal theme.

         I feel a need to have my own ceremony: to get out the shovel and dig a hole in the flower bed, or several. Then I should symbolically bury a couple of old dreams. We all have different dreams, but life gets in the way. At some point we realize we might have the ambition, but not the talent to be a rock star.

         Personally, I will never be a self-made millionaire. I will never live in a large home which I decorated myself, with lovely landscaping. I will not be a world traveler. I will not have children or grandchildren. For that matter, It is highly unlikely I will ever find true romantic love. I will never have an enviable, successful career. Those are all dreams I need to let go.

         Yes, there are motivational speakers who tell us we don't dream big enough. We are encouraged to make Vision Boards. I decided retiring should be re-firing, as Kathy Lee Gifford says. So, I made a Vision Board almost two years ago. The vision included travel, decluttering my life, falling in love (more important, having someone one good fall in love with me), a well-maintained yard, being a productive writer, reading prolifically, being physically fit for someone my age and with my medical problems, overhauling and replacing my wardrobe, and losing weight. I actually bought the poster board and glued pictures, etc. I still look at it occasionally, and think I'm making no progress. After all that work, the speaker told us to narrow the list down. So, I combined weight and exercise together, combined house and yard and car under decluttering/organizing, I eliminated wardrobe, except on an as needed basis, and travel due to a more realistic financial outlook.

         And now I realize that we do sometimes hang onto dreams too long. I am going to give up perusing cruise catalogs. I am going to stop being envious of friends who go to exotic places with their families. I confess that I gave up the notion of my own family due to biology, but that at various times in my life, usually stressful times, I imagined what it would be like to have my kids; Maybe I pictured teenagers, a few years later, I pictured college students or beyond. Then I hit the grandma phase. If I had started young enough, I'd have great grandkids by now, maybe even teenage great grandkids. I need to bury the fantasies, along with the desire.

         I have held onto dreams, despite circumstances, because I always believed and hoped some miracle "out there" would happen and make it possible to open my own business, or an older Prince Charming would come along and make every day life seem more exciting. But those dreams might be keeping me from making the most of where I am right now.

         If I have my little ceremony, it doesn't mean I'm giving up on life or becoming a sedentary has been. I just need to be in the here and now, and not a dream from decades ago. I need to put my emotional and mental energy to realistic dreams for today, using my talents and creativity available now. I can't sing like I used to. So what? My memory takes a second or two longer. I have so much to remember. If I let go of what wasn't meant to be, maybe I'll find satisfaction.