Seven Degrees Left of Center

An anniversary

The past couple of weeks were more difficult than I anticipated. Two years have passed since the brain tumor introduced itself. Two years of tears, struggle, determination and prayer. In the scheme of this, two years isn't that long a time. But, in my healing process, two years is a lifetime.

I think some lessons should have been learned by now. Yet, I sit as confused as ever. Questioning, is my existence recreated or simply extended? So, I offer this today, "Carry a light when soul searching." In the hidden cells of the brain live monsters long ago locked in dungeons. They will appear as regret, shame, and self-pity, to name a few.

Since my last entry on this blog, self petty nearly overcame my thoughts. I no longer have a career. Verbal communication with family and friends is difficult. The written word is sometimes insufficient for those that love you the most. Accepting a new normal is a bitter pill. Once taken, it dissolves quickly in the mouth, distributing an awful taste. Drink, food, or sweets do nothing to reduce its claim to the pallet.

These monsters are not easily slane. Why should they be? However, defeating the beasts must be possible; this is my hope. It is the light I turned on. I needed to view these monsters. In doing so, I remembered something my Grandfather said. A vivid memory, though, years have passed since his death. This memory became as real as if it had just happened. He said, "Always practice courage. One day you will need to be brave."

I am moving forward with light and courage by returning to this blog today. I have to admit my fingers are trembling more than typing. My Grandfather neglected to mention fear is the fuel for courage. My tank is full.