Drumpf Jokes

Science Project

“Hey Dad,” Eric and Don Jr. called out as they burst into the oval office. The boys had penetrated the tight White House security, sneaking past the Secret Service, darting around a stumbling Pompeo, and easily evading the shambling Pence. “We need an idea for the Science Fair,” said Don Jr. “Yeah,” piped Eric.

“Science!” snorted The Drumpf dismissively. “Don’t waste your time with facts and stuff. Just go with your gut, boys. Jump to your conclusions and never back down! Seventy percent of statistics are just made up on the spot, believe me!”

“No, Dad,” pleaded Don Jr. “Uncle Fauci says we gotta do the scientific method to win a prize. We have to have experiments, measure a buncha stuff, and write everything down.” “Yeah,” piped Eric.

A rusty synapse sparked fitfully deep within The Drumpf’s tiny mind. The word ‘experiment’ dredged up a vague memory from his own Jr. High Biology class. “Why don’t you just cut up a frog or something?”

“Gee thanks Dad,” bubbled Don Jr. “Can you send the Secret Service guys out to catch us a frog?” “Yeah,” piped Eric.

“They just as well,” growled The Drumpf. “They can’t seem to keep you kids out of the White House! Now get lost, it’s almost time for Fox & Friends.”

Soon, the Secret Service agents were wiping their muddy shoes and the boys had their frog, fresh from the Potomac river.

Don Jr. set the frog down in front of Eric and pondered. “Now we have to measure something,” he mused out loud.

“Yeah,” piped Eric and clapped his hands in delight at having their very own frog to play with.

The startled frog jumped and Don Jr. smacked himself on the forehead. “Sure, that’s it! grab the tape measure Eric and see how far he jumped.”

Eric carefully measured the distance and exclaimed “Wow, Don, he jumped a mile! This must be the greatest jumping frog in the whole world!”

“No, no,” corrected Don Jr. “Don’t use Dad’s tape measure, use the one Uncle Fauci gave us.”

“Oh, okay,” Eric replied. “Then I guess it was only four feet.”

“Alright, we’re on our way,” said Don Jr. “Now we need to do the experiment again but change some variable thingy.”

“Didn't Dad say we should cut up the frog?” asked a puzzled Eric.

“Great idea, Eric!” Don Jr. exclaimed and grabbed their Very Important Science Journal to write: Frog with four legs jumps four feet. Then he cut off one of the frog’s legs and put it back down in front of Eric. “Make a noise again,” he instructed his brother.

“Boo!” shouted Eric and clapped his hands.

The startled frog jumped again, but not quite as far this time. Eric measured the second leap and Don Jr. wrote: Frog with three legs jumps three feet.

They repeated the experiment a third time and Don Jr. wrote: Frog with two legs jumps two feet.

The fourth time Don Jr. wrote: Frog with one leg jumps one foot.

On the fifth try, there was no jump. The frog just sat on the floor like a lump. It didn’t move at all, no matter how loud Eric yelled or how much he clapped his hands.

“Well, Eric, we’ve jumped to our conclusions, just like Dad said. And this is real science,” said Don Jr. solemnly as he wrote: A frog with no legs goes deaf!