The Trials of Chris-chan!

Chapter 7: The Grand Jury gets Delayed!

It was August 1st, 2022, and you are still hopping mad with Judge Miyamoto-San's court! You couldn't believe that he is bringing in the Grand Jury over all of this simply because you refused that bullshit plea bargain! As you continue to pace around in your jail cell, you get another letter. You were hoping it was Kenneth or someone with him because you needed help from the outside world and so far, you have been getting nothing but jack shit! You look at the letter and are quite shocked with what you see. You see that it's a letter, written by your own mother! You started to cry tears of joy in thinking that she is sending you a letter, saying that she is going to do everything in her power to try to get you out, or at least apologize to you for her and her family's rude behavior for the past year. You open up the letter and, instead of seeing an apology letter or something, you see that it's a letter...stating that your own mother...has filed a RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST YOU! At this point, you collapsed onto the ground and cry your eyeballs out, grieving as if your mother was announced dead right then and there. But instead, she is putting a restraining order on you, all over the soul bonding! You begin to think why she would do such a thing?!? You then think that the bitch Aunt Harriett has probably brainwashed her into not only putting a restraining order against you, but is telling you that you are no longer welcomed into her home. Essentially, telling you that you no longer have a temple! How dare that bitch Harriett do this to you! Does this bitch not realize that you have the right to go back to the Holy Temple so that your followers can worship you? Not only that, but also your rights to your pets, your PS4, your Nintendo Switch, and of course that sweet, fresh, 80 year old pussy! First, Judge Miyamoto-San is sending you before the Grand Jury instead of letting you go home, and now your mom is being a total bitch and won't let you INTO your own house! When did everyone turn into such selfish fucks?!?

That night, after you cry yourself to sleep, you happen upon a familiar white, cartoon rabbit in your dreams. It seems so familiar, but you just can't put a finger to it. You then finally recognized the rabbit as Robert, the American Rabbit!


You couldn't believe it, after all of these years, you are finally able to meet up with your childhood hero of the 80s! He asks what is wrong and you begin to tell him your story starting off from your childhood. You told him about the time they pinned you down in Elementary school, to the time you cried after High School Graduation because you were losing your friends that night, to the witch bitch Mary Lee Walsh kicking you out of college for looking for a girlfriend, to the Jerkhief and his army of Jerkops banning you from stores left and right due to your ongoing Love Quest, to your best friend turning into a traitorous bitch after a misunderstanding over a crayon drawing, to Michael Snyder kicking you out of his store after blowing your gasket over a Pokemon card game, to trolls invading your life, to your father's tragic death, to you getting arrested for the first time after running over a Manajerk of a game store, to you nearly burning your own house down, to you going back to jail over pepper spraying the "ass manager" of a Gamestop, to you nearly losing your house to foreclosure thanks to trolls, and now, with you being back in jail over a recent misunderstanding. He asks what happened and you told him about soul bonding with your mother. Things were going smoothly until people betrayed you, stole your gofundme money, and threw you into jail under false allegations of rape. You also told him that you have tried to apologize to your mother, but as of late, has been brainwashed by a witch. He asked if it was Mary Lee Walsh again, but you told him no, it was her apprentice, your Aunt Harriett! You were on good terms with her and her husband throughout the years, but on the night of the ultimate betrayal, she and her husband turned on you and she became a witch overnight. Now, she has done everything in her power to make your life a living Hell for no reason whatsoever. He tells you that he wishes he could come into your dimension and use his mighty strength to smash a hole in the wall to get you out, but thanks to 1218's reality limits and shit, he could do nothing! You sigh and tell him thanks for visiting you after so many years!

The Day of the Grand Jury!

Because of certain circumstances, you are unable to show up to court this time and are forced to wait for results in the jail cell. Eventually, the dorky lawyer comes back and tells you that he has managed to delay the Grand Jury for the time being. You asked him how he was able to pull it off and he technically used the good ol' Autism Card to delay the Grand Jury. You ask how long he has delayed the Grand Jury and he said that he has delayed the hearing FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR!!!

ARE
YOU
MOTHER
FUCKING
KIDDING
ME?!?

THIS HAS GOT TO BE A JOKE, YOU HAVE BEEN IN THE GODDAMN SLAMMER FOR A WHOLE GODDAMN YEAR, AND THIS GOOD FOR NOTHING LAWYER HAS DONE FUCK ALL TO HELP GET YOU OUT OF HERE!!!

"YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO USE YOUR MAGIC TO CONVINCE THE JURY I WAS INNOCENT AND HELP GET MY ASS OUT OF HERE YOU GODDAMN DORK!!!" You yell angrily. "So now I'm stuck in here for a whole nother year then, huh?" He then replies with "Actually, you are leaving the jailhouse today!" You couldn't believe it, this dork has finally achieved the impossible and is getting you out of here! You thank him and begin to leave your jail cell.

After you leave your jail cell, you tell the driver of the inmate transport vehicle where your house is. He looks at you and says "Oh no, you ain't going to YOUR house buddy...you're going to a group home good sir!"

At this point, you loose your shit again and throw another tantrum, cursing your dorky lawyer for not only failing to get you out of this Hell hole, but sending you to another place that is thriving with "Slow-in-the-minds!"