Blogocentric Formulations

License to Parent

"JAFBG"  | Prompt ▼

Do you think people should require a license to become a parent? What tests or conditions should that license require?

I'm really conflicted on this issue, and it stems from a conversation that my brother and I had. He asked me one time what the process was like to get certified as a foster caregiver/guardian in order to adopt our kids, and I was telling him about how we had to take a number of classes (about both requirements for foster parents and general child development to be aware of what foster kids placed with you might be going through), a social worker regularly coming out to check our home for safety concerns (cleaning products and sharp objects and alcohol locked up, child safety products like gates on stairwells and electrical outlet covers, etc.), a thorough vetting of our psychological and financial fitness to be parents, and a regular schedule of health evaluations, all meticulously documented.

I then asked my brother how all that compared to having his biological kids, my two nieces, and he goes, "Wow, nothing like that. At the hospital we had the baby and they basically checked to make sure the baby was viable, then they handed 'em to us and sent us on our way."

Since that conversation, I've often debated with myself about the right amount of parenting preparedness. Having been through the foster-to-adopt process, although I can definitely see the need for some initial safeguards and checks, the process is extremely onerous. That said, a lot of that process prepared us really well to care for our kids, and the idea of having a biological kid in a hospital and them just handing you the kid at some point after a few hours or days of observation and going, "Good luck!" seems crazy irresponsible, and I wonder if there shouldn't be just a little more proactive double-checking to make sure kids are going into safe environments with responsible parents.

I'm hesitant to support the idea of licensing for parents because I generally don't like the idea of government deciding who does and does not deserve to be parents, or having any say in that process. But I do sometimes wonder if a simple administrative step would be helpful. There are lots of questions of infrastructure and reporting to be able to handle it, but what if there were a simple evaluation process for expecting couples where a social worker stopped by for a chat, took a look at the home, and had a conversation with the parents about basic fundamentals like providing for the child's needs and making sure they're mentally prepared for how their lives will change. For everyone that seems like they've got a handle on it, great... you check the box on the form and move on with your lives. But if the social worker had any specific concerns out of that meeting, they could recommend some of the steps we had to take as foster parents, to work with someone to establish healthy habits or discuss other options in advance of the child being brought into the world.

It's one of those things that many people, especially Americans, react poorly to almost immediately... the idea of government reaching into our lives and "taking away" something we previously had the freedom to do without any oversight at all. But given all the atrocities in the foster care system today, which is to say nothing of the atrocities in private homes that don't even get brought to the attention of social services, I can't help but wonder if maybe a teensy bit of mild oversight would have a preventative effect on a lot of our current problems.

I dunno... it seems to me like there has to be a sensible middle ground between, "We're going to watch you like a hawk every minute of this child's life" and "Your baby is two days old, we're discharging you from the hospital and wish you the best of luck over the next 18+ years!"