Sandy Supposes....

What Does A Bulgarian call A Deck?

{/b}

         Roddy is a Bulgarian new to the camping life. To immerse himself in the lifestyle he's purchased a trailer and leased a campsite in the same campground in which I enjoy a poor man's cottage. Now, in his third season, he can no longer ignore the siren call of improvements. Not content to sit and notice his neighbour's endeavours to upgrade their sites he too has caught the bug.

         I understand this compulsion because my hubby once suffered from the same malady. It's a nagging need to build, to expand, to increase the ease, the relaxation of camping. Some may describe it as a competition, an urge to impress. I simply referred to it as deck envy.

         Men seem to be drawn to a wooden platform that elevates them above the ground. It's also an excuse to fiddle with power tools and shape raw lumber to their exacting design. It may well be 'the I can create something spectacular and be the envy of my peers' syndrome. Behold what I have wrought with my own two hands and be amazed by its awesomeness. Yep, Roddy coveted a deck.

         Okay, okay, English is not Roddy's first language and kudos to him for attempting it. He admits to struggling with pronunciation as would I with Bulgarian.

         One recent Saturday, he shared a grand announcement. "I'm getting a new dick, a dick from Eddie."

         Startled, my partner and I sputtered, "Excuse me?"

         "A dick, Eddie's dick."

         We knew who Eddie was, the campground owner/concierge. We were adults, but we snickered.

         Our daughter Carrie giggled. Roddy grinned and assumed we were celebrating his news.

         "Um, it's deck, Roddy."

         He nodded and replied, "That's what I said, a dick."

         As if this didn't amuse us enough, Roddy then added, "I'm getting Eddie's shit, too."

         Rather gross and obscene images raced through our brains as we lost it. Yes, yes, of course Roddy meant a shed.

         This is the same man and fellow trucker who once informed people that he slept with my husband.

         "I sleep beside Paul."

         He knew what he meant. In reality, the two men slept in their own bunks in their own rigs parked side by side. Roddy did use the word beside correctly. The context lacked clarification.

         We checked out Roddy's campsite a few days later and phoned him with this news.

         "Your new dick has been delivered, but it's broken. Your dick is in four pieces."

         I'll skip watching the future re-assembly of this deck. Too much temptation to poke fun.