Delete Button - Reboot

Daddy?

Hey Mom,

Do you think I am a bad person? I never told you I was gay. You were dying and I should have told you. Then you could have told me if you still loved me or not. I love Amber. If I hadn't met her when I did I might have taken Tinker and Ashely to the humane society and joined you. It was a really hard time for me. It took moving across the state to finally find someone I actually loved like this. But she was a girl and you aren't supposed to like other girls. But I love her! I hate that the only reason that I moved anywhere near her is that you were dying. And I hate that I never had the courage to talk to you about how I felt about her.

Dad will probably hate me if I ever manage to talk to him about it. First I am going to hell because I love another girl. Second I am going to hell for lying to him about her for twelve years. At this point, I don't know which would he would be maddest about. It is getting to the point that I am more scared about how he would react to the lies I have told him more than he would about being gay. I want to tell him. I don't want him to go to heaven without knowing how he feels about it, but I am so afraid I already know. Would he forgive me for the lies knowing how scared I am that he would hate us? Why does he have to be the way he is? I love him the way he is but I don't know if he really loves me back. WIth you gone all I have is Daddy. I can't make him hate me. He is just barely accepting me as a writer rather than what he considers a productive member of society. I think he still doesn't think writing is real work.

Oh, Mom, I am so sorry, I meant this letter to be to you, not about daddy. I just wish you were here to tell me what to do or at least to hug me if I am right about him. I feel alone without you. I know Amber's family accepts me but it isn't the same as you guys. I don't want to hurt their feelings but you guys were my family and without you, I don't feel like I have one to offer to my relationship. I feel like they pity me.

I can't write anymore right now mom. I love you and I miss you.