Complex Numbers

Getting Cabbaged

One of the many euphemisms we used for "drunk" (as an adjective) in college was "cabbaged."

I haven't used it in a long time, but today's article reminded me. The word also has the distinction of being the longest one I can think of that can be spelled with musical notes.

Grilled Cabbage "Steaks"  

Admittedly, I'd have to be pretty cabbaged to make these, which would pretty much contraindicate the use of a grill for cooking. Or anything else, for that matter.

Okay, we know these are not quite grilled steaks made out of meat.

Not "quite?" They're not even in the same universe. But considering the price of dead bovine (and everything else) lately, alternatives may need to be considered.

I'm just not convinced that this should be one of them.

But whether or not you're vegetarian, these cruciferous "steaks" are potentially even better.

"Potentially" being the key word here. I wonder if they might steer us wrong?

(Bad cow pun)

Cabbage is a chameleon ingredient, good and good for you and affordable.

Econ 101: the more people buy cabbage, the less affordable it's going to be.

To make sure your cabbage steaks stay in one piece on the grill, pick the most compact head of cabbage when you're out shopping.

Or, if you're me, try to get the Instacart shopper to pick a compact head of cabbage. Don't be surprised when they don't.

All you need to make grilled cabbage steaks is cabbage, oil, salt. Everything else is optional, but it's the optional things that make life what it is.

Another "optional" thing is to try something else.

We top this grilled cabbage à la wedge salad with bacon, blue cheese, AND ranch dressing for good measure.

Thus negating any health benefits one might derive from cabbage. But with all of that, it sounds... well, not terrible, anyway. Still, if you're going to fake French for the "à la wedge salad" part, the least you could do would be to spell it "bleu cheese."

Other fantastic options would be a buffalo-style cabbage, a Caprese-style cabbage, or a lemon-garlic dressed grilled cabbage with lemon and garlic. You really can't go wrong!

Except that you already have.

The article, of course, goes on to provide the actual recipe. Which, in their defense, looks dead simple to prepare -- even easier than actual steak, assuming of course that you take the time to prepare a marinade for said steak like a civilized person instead of just flopping it from the package onto the grill like a barbarian. Which I've done, because when it comes to cooking, for me the operative word is "lazy."

In fact, the hardest part would seem to be actually slicing the head of cabbage, which I definitely don't recommend doing while cabbaged.