Evolution of Love 2

MOTHER OF BLISS

Ma's Accessibility to Women

There seem to be three main ways in which Ma's being a woman particularly benefited and inspired women. The first way, which has been well documented in the interviews throughout this study, is that, because Mä was in a female body, women had greater access to her and, therefore, greater intimacy with her. In watching the films and videotapes of Mä, it is striking to see the number of women, both householders and brahmacharinis, surrounding Mã at public events. I have been able to see the faces of many of the women devotees whom I interviewed hovering around Mä. I can only imagine that, in Ma's private moments, men were absent, and many women had the opportunity to serve God as Mã very closely. It is easy to understand how those women who physically cared for Mã might have been particularly devastated by her death. Chitra, a brahmacharini, movingly expressed the grief of many women close to Mã in a 1984 article in Ananda Vārtā. She says, "My pained heart cries out in anguish to take shelter in the pure haven of love that was our Mother's lap."

While women devotees' privileged access to Mã offered them a rare spiritual opportunity to have a personal relationship with God as Mã, caring for her and being cared for by her, it also offered them an emotional opportunity, Most Hindu marriages, and certainly Bengali ones, require a young woman, who is often a mere teenager, to leave her own mother and spend the rest of her life in the household of her husband, receiving what motherly attention is available, which may be little or none, from her mother in-law. The heart-wrenching separation of a daughter from her mother at marriage is sung about and ritualized in the time preceding a traditional Hindu wedding, so that nearly every young girl, although prepared for it, also dreads it. 14 After the marriage, depending on the regional and caste customs, a young bride is allowed to visit her own mother only at specific times of the year and, depending on distance, perhaps not even once a year. For married devotees, in the absence of a continuous and nurturing relationship with their own mother, Mã fulfilled that motherly role. Women often mentioned that the kind of intimacy that they enjoyed with Mã mirrored their relationship with their biological Mä. For example, Krishna Bhattacharya, presently in her sixties or seventies, reminisced about a time when Mã invited her to come to Naimisharanya.

Just like a daughter who after so many days goes to her parent's house, I was looked after by everybody with care. In that way I was. Naimisharanya is a very quiet and peaceful place, and Mä used to ask me every day whether I have seen everything there, and whether I have taken my food, lunch, etc. Mã would let me take her hair down and lie on the cot. We would chat, just as mothers and daughters do. She would say, "What did they feed you? Was the food good?" And I used to ask her about the proper way I should make my rituals and things. And at that time, she used to ask everybody to leave the room, so I could be alone with Mä.

For Ma's brahmacharini devotees, the choice to live with Mã as celibate women meant that they could have a lifelong relationship with both mothers, their own biological mothers and their spiritual mothers. For example, when I interviewed the brahmacharini Malini-Di, I also met her mother, who was living in the Kankhal ashram with her. Mother and daughter seemed to be enjoying an intimacy and a proximity not usually possible when a daughter leaves home for her husband's household. In addition, as Malini intimated, whereas an unmarried daughter is considered an embarrassment and a potential disaster, a brahmacharini daughter, safe in the confines of Ma's ashram, can be a source of pride.

Mä as an Advocate for Spiritual Equality for Women

The second way in which Ma's being a woman benefited women was that Mã, because of women's accessibility to her, was in a better position to advocate for their spiritual equality with men. In particular, she was able to inspire some of them, the ones who she determined were suited, to take a vow of lifelong celibacy and become brahmacharinis, pursuing full-time sadhana. Eight of the twenty-five women had taken such a vow. This act of renunciation apparently had both associated difficulties and boons. On the one hand, "Ma's girls," as they were called, lived a rather cloistered life in which they had few personal possessions and little or no privacy, were told what to do and where to do it, and engaged in various levels of tapasya, or austerities, such as sleeping on a thin mat on the floor. On the other hand, they were just that, "Ma's girls," and as such they enjoyed the enviable position of living and traveling with Mã most of the time. Certainly many of them must have been motivated to become brahmacharinis for this reason. While women householder devotees came and went, based on their husbands' permission and their family responsibilities, "Ma's girls" stayed on, caring for Mä.

Although it would be tempting to think of "Ma's girls" as doing more combing of Ma's hair than meditation, it is apparent that along with physical proximity to Mã came Ma's close scrutiny of their spiritual progress, Swami Gitananda, the only sannyasini whom I interviewed, described the benefits and the demands of the "girls"" relationship with Mä.

[The girls] who wanted to be closely related to Mä were treated differently by Mã. She was open with them. She liked to scold them in front of the assembled people. Mã had a free, unrestrained relationship with us and took pleasure in speaking to us. And we girls took pride in our status. Mã would scold us in public for the smallest infractions. It was only for show and then she would say later. "Now, I can scold you with all my heart. I can be very direct with you. I do not have to hide anything" This was our pride that Mã thought we were special. With us Mä felt every little, tiny behavior had to be so fragrant and fruitful as a rose in full bloom. You see, Mã wanted us to blossom into So pointed out even the smallest failing so that we will improve and make our life beautiful like a rose.
Chitra's article, "Let Us Be Filled with Sweet Memories," explains the blessings and the challenges inherent in the relationship between Mã and her brahmacharinis. In this article, Chitra reproduces a letter dictated by Mã to her and five of Mä's other "older friends," whom Mã had left in Kishenpur ashram in Dehradun during the "three severe winter months to practice intensive sadhana." Although Chitra frames the article by saying that "there is no one now who lavishes grace and compassion on us as did our adored Ma," practicing sadhana in the bitter cold of the Himalayan foothills in December and January without central heating and without Ma must have been pure tapasya. Ma, indeed, acknowledges this point in her letter, saying that "we are told that for the sake of concentrated sadhana, sadhus and sannyasins [both terms for male practitioners] often stay in cold places since this is congenial to meditation." She says that spending too much time traveling with Mã and "meeting too many people becomes an obstacle." Thus, for their "spiritual welfare," Mã has had the kheyala that they should be away from "this body." Mã chastens,

Therefore, this splendid opportunity should not be wasted. The aroma of the sadliana of these tapasvinis [female ascetics] must be noticed in their looks, their way of speaking; each movement should manifest their progress towards Truth. Every effort must be made to speak the truth, to remain steeped in the spiritual, to advance toward immortality,

The letter goes on to address each brahmacharini individually with both motherly advice and compassion and guru-like corrections. For example, Mã is happy to hear that Pushpa's and Chitra's inflammation of the throat has subsided. Yet Mã says, "Udas is growing old, wrinkles have started on her face. When will you concentrate on sadhana? Are you going to spend your whole life attending to this body? Complete your japa and do your sadhana with enthusiasm and steadiness."20 She cautions against drinking too much tea in winter and recommends hot water instead. At the same time she says,

Many a day have you spent watching the sights of the world, joking and laughing in the worldly way; now, friends, be pilgrims on the journey to your real Home! Do not think that just because you have not felt His presence and the touch of Him you are free to while away your time in frivolities, this can never lead to your real welfare.