Dissociated Thoughts

Soundtrack Day 2 - The Great Below

- Feb. 2, 2022

The Great Below by Nine Inch Nails

         2021 saw many bad days for me, as it did for lots of others. Financial problems, ongoing health problems, and being unable to work due to those health issues added to my mental health issues. My oldest moved back out of the house in the middle of the year, leaving that gap in my heart wide open again. I had to get over that empty nest syndrome all over again. There were many days of crippling depression, days of not wanting to be alive, days of feeling alienated from my family and friends, and so, so many days of pain. With nothing to do, I had nothing to inspire me to live. Music became my best friend when my husband was at work. I could judge which way my mental health was headed by reviewing my playlists. On manic days, the songs I chose were always upbeat and happy, some annoyingly so, or aggressive and angry. On those days that the depression overtook me (and still overtakes me), sad tunes filled my playlist. There's one song in particular that is recurring on those days of darkness.



I would wake with Trent Reznor's voice singing this song on those days and it would be on virtual repeat in my head for the rest of the day. It calls to me on those darkened days, pulls me in. I have dreams of drowning myself, of "descending from grace in arms of undertow." Who is the "you" referred to in the song? And the "she"? They are parts of the "ME" I once was (and still see from time to time).

Luckily, not all days are that bad - or I wouldn't be here blogging about it. And happy days are just a song away.

The Great Below" lyrics ▼

Staring at the sea
Will she come?
Is there hope for me
After all is said and done
Anything at any price
All of this for you
All the spoils of a wasted life
All of this for you
All the world has closed her eyes
Tired faith all worn and thin
For all we could have done
And all that could have been

Ocean pulls me close
And whispers in my ear
The destiny I've chose
All becoming clear
The currents have their say
The time is drawing near
Washes me away
Makes me disappear

And I descend from grace
In arms of undertow
I will take my place
In the great below

I can still feel you
Even so far away
I can still feel you
Even so far away
I can still feel you
Even so far away
I can still feel you
Even so far away
Even so far away
Even so far away
Even so far away