Sandy Supposes....

M.V.P.?

PROMPT November 7th

Today's prompt is taken from a book I own. "Great Quotes From Great Leaders", published by Motorola, my employer. This one is from Norman Vincent Peale. "The trouble with most of us, is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism." Do you feel this is a valid statement? Tell us why you feel the way you do.

         

         

         

         

         

         Is this a spare the rod spoil the child philosophy? Are children coddled and then likewise their adult selves? Like all statements, quotes, declarations this is shared as a broad perception. Of course, it cannot and does not apply to everyone at all times and in all circumstances. Nothing is that black and white. Children and child-rearing are complicated. People are nothing if not complex.

         Ol' Peale assumes we will fall apart and fail without praise. He assumes all of us care what others think. He assumes we never make a decision, a choice without outside approval. We cannot succeed, or be satisfied without a nod, or a pat on the back.

         I'd be willing to admit that sometimes a little praise boosts my ego, but that ego is not so fragile and easily bruised that I fail to function without it. I am self-aware enough to know if I did, or did not harness all my skills and exert all of my effort in the pursuit of a goal. I don't want false flattery.

         I accepted long ago that I am not and never will be an expert of everything. As a kid, I participated in team sports, but I never dreamed of being a star. I did it for the fun and camaraderie. I never expected to receive an M.V.P. trophy, or quit playing because it was denied me. I was not rewarded with a participation trophy either. I made an effort and that's all my coaches and team mates wanted from me.

          My mother on the other hand lamented that a klutz such as myself should not be running around all willy-nilly just asking to be injured. I suppose this could be interpreted as a type of criticism. It certainly was a negative position, but I brushed it off. I simply wanted to be one of the kids who did not worry about their uncooperative knees. Mom never praised me for this decision. She'd sigh, purse her lips and bandage me when I returned home.

         My three children enjoyed competing in team sports and it was their choice. They did not always win medals, or trophies, yet at times they did. They never pitched a fit and refused to continue if their efforts were not acknowledged, or rewarded. They understood the reality that one team wins and one team loses. No one wins all the time. They were encouraged to try again and not throw in the towel.

         Criticism is a harsh word. Too much of it could be detrimental. Who wishes to be nitpicked, demeaned, corrected constantly? Do not most people respond more favourably to constructive reinforcement? A thanks for your contribution is better received than a rebuke. What happened to hearing it's okay to fall, everyone does, get up and try again.

         Granted too much praise isn't ideal either. It can be empty and insubstantial. Lack of effort may be rewarded. The it's -good -enough philosophy doesn't encourage anyone to better themselves. Why praise mediocrity?

         ( This is where I'll insert a rant, a pet peeve if you will. Children are being taught English in a far cry from the methods I learned. Phonetics is considered outdated, passe. No need to learn what letter combinations create which sounds and thus learn to sound out words. Okay, some of this involves memorization, too. Now children are taught to take a stab at the word by looking at the first two, or three letters. Do you know how many words in the English language begin with the same two, or three letter combo? Today's students are also taught to express themselves without the preconceived ideals of grammar and spelling. They just need to get across the 'gist' of what they're attempting to write. So, misunderstandings and confusion are accepted? 'Close enough' is the motto. Are kids supposed to somehow grasp the finer points of grammar and spelling later? Yes, English is complicated and any rules that exist are constantly broken, but to write and be understood the basics still must be followed. A few of the local teachers that have taught my grandgiggles have no grasp of English, but they 'teach.' ACK!)

          Of course there will always be exceptions. Circumstances such as intelligence and mental health play a key role. My autistic cousin who lacks an awareness of social graces and empathy demands attention from his parents. Woe betide them if he perceives a slight, or believes he is due rewards. If he senses criticism, he shuts down and refuses to engage, listen , learn. He on the other hand is free to find and express fault. Is this a learned behaviour? Did his parents overdo the praise masking it as encouragement when he was a child? Is this his autism, inexplicable and uncomprehending?