Complex Numbers

We'll See Who's the Total Moron

I really, really hate self-checkout at grocery stores.

The Banana Trick and Other Acts of Self-Checkout Thievery  
“Anyone who pays for more than half of their stuff in self checkout is a total moron.”

But you know what I hate more than that? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway:

Thieves.

Beneath the bland veneer of supermarket automation lurks an ugly truth: There’s a lot of shoplifting going on in the self-scanning checkout lane.

Now, I understand that sometimes, theft is acceptable. Hell, sometimes it's even necessary because of systemic issues. But people who steal just because they can? Honestly, if it didn't disincentivize the thieves to leave their victims alive, I'd support the death penalty for it. Not just the death penalty; torture first.

That's how much I hate thieves.

Self-checkout theft has become so widespread that a whole lingo has sprung up to describe its tactics. Ringing up a T-bone ($13.99/lb) with a code for a cheap ($0.49/lb) variety of produce is “the banana trick.” If a can of Illy espresso leaves the conveyor belt without being scanned, that’s called “the pass around.” “The switcheroo” is more labor-intensive: Peel the sticker off something inexpensive and place it over the bar code of something pricey. Just make sure both items are about the same weight, to avoid triggering that pesky “unexpected item” alert in the bagging area.

I want to find everyone who does this and introduce them to Mister Pipe Wrench.

You're not stealing from the grocery store, you know. They're going to find ways to make a profit, regardless. Not much of one, but if they can't make a profit, they go out of business. When they go out of business, you get food deserts. And if they do find a way to make a profit in spite of these despicable assholes, how does it happen? That's right - by a) raising prices for the rest of us, b) keeping wages and benefits down for workers or c) both.

Either way, you're stealing from honest people and deserve to be flayed alive.

No, I'm not kidding.

The Leicester researchers concluded that the ease of theft is likely inspiring people who might not otherwise steal to do so. Rather than walk into a store intending to take something, a shopper might, at the end of a trip, decide that a discount is in order.

Stores could do more to prevent this sort of thing, but that too costs money. Eventually, you reach a point of diminishing returns, where the money you spend on security is more than the losses involved.

In their zeal to cut labor costs, the study said, supermarkets could be seen as having created “a crime-generating environment” that promotes profit “above social responsibility.”

And yes, that's a problem too. The worst thieves aren't even these checkout scammers; they're corporate assholes.

Whether out of social responsibility or frustration with shrinkage, some retailers, including Albertsons, Big Y Supermarket, Pavilions, and Vons, have scaled back or eliminated self-scanning, at least in some stores.

Which brings me to why I hate self-checkout in the first place. Well, there are lots of reasons, not the least of which is that it never actually saves time since some wage slave has to check my ID anyway because I'm inevitably buying beer and/or wine. But another reason is that it takes jobs away from people. It's not immigrants people should be raging at for "taking our jobs;" it's management's insistence upon automation.

“There is NO MORAL ISSUE with stealing from a store that forces you to use self checkout, period. THEY ARE CHARGING YOU TO WORK AT THEIR STORE.”

Bull. Shit.

“Shopping can be quite boring because it’s such a routine, and this is a way to make the routine more interesting. These can be risk-taking, stimulation-seeking people.”

And when they get caught, 20 to 30 years in Federal prison should give them all the thrills they'd ever seek.

No pity for such people. No tolerance whatsoever. Lock 'em up. I don't even care if it ends up costing society more in the long run; it's the principle of the matter.

...the problem being that because of the way society is set up, some people are forced into thievery, rather than just doing it for the thrill of the five-finger discount, and that is a systemic problem that needs to be addressed. But the court system isn't really set up to be able to tell the difference.

And I strenuously object to being called names for being honest. That alone is worth a few yards of duct tape and a pair of pliers.