Sanguine Tenacious Tidings

Prompt 3: Andre The Blog Monkey Banana Bar 2021

Prompt 3: A bad-tempered customer is driving home after a few drinks at the bar. He thinks he sees him kids trick-or treating and stops to offer them some coins--but those aren’t costumes.

Dear Margaret:

I read this article in the news this morning. I thought you might be interested.

}Man Accosted by Alien Ape

Joe Smolder was rescued by fire men from an Eagle’s nest on Plantain Street earlier today. This is Smolder’s story as related to our news staff just before we went to press:

I was driving down the street when I saw some trick-or treaters walking in the middle of the street. There were kids and some adults all in costume.

I had an ash tray full of coins in the car and thought I would distribute them for treats, since I thought my kids were part of the group.

I was upset to see them all in the street. I pulled over to the curb and yelled angrily at them. Get out of the street and walk on the sidewalk. After all that’s why sidewalks are made.

One of the larger persons in the group, who I assumed was an adult waved me off. Then the group continued on down the street. I jumped from my car and ran down the street after them.

I reached out to grab the shoulder of the adult who waved me off. Wow, he had a really solid feel to him. He shuffled around to look at me. He had very, very long hairy arms and a really ugly face. That’s when I realized he was an ape.

I quickly stumbled back away from him. He grabbed me and slung me over one shoulder. Then leaped up a tree. It was momentous movement. No time to think or react. He climbed up the tree likity split. Deposited me in the eagle’s nest and left. NO, there were not any eagles in the nest. Just me. I could hear the group screeching and monkeys laughing below.

The limbs where the nest was were skinny. The wind was blowing. Every time I moved it felt like the nest would collapse or blow down in the wind. Mentally I was breaking up, I kept thinking of that song, “Rock a bye baby, in the tree top." You know it has a bad ending.

Then I remembered I had my phone in a pocket. I called 911. They thought it was a Halloween stunt. I had to call them back 3 times before they would believe I needed help.

Then the 911 operator asked me if I had been drinking alcohol. I told her honestly I had 5 or 6 banana daiquiri at the bar. Yes mam. There was a party going on with a bunch of midgets dressed in monkey costumes. Really, really, mam I’m telling you the truth. I could hear her laughing, but she said the fire department was on it’s way.

When they arrived the street and area were empty. No trick-or treaters or animals any where. They brought the big ladder truck and got me down safely, but I had to write them a check as a donation.

Some cops showed up as well. They said they would be on the look out for aliens. I said it was really, really some apes and monkeys. I don’t think they believed me. They insisted on driving me home. One of them followed me home with my car. When I got out they said they would really, really appreciate a donation for their help. So, I wrote out another check. They were laughing when they drove away.

When I got home I was going to take the kids candy away from them as punishment for walking in the street. My wife wouldn’t let me because she said they were dressed like pirates and home earlier than my incident took place. And, anyway my kids wouldn’t walk in the street.

This is the end of the Smolder story as related to us in the news room. In the interest of news and public safety we are asking anyone else who may have had a incident concerning a group of monkeys on Halloween to please give us your stories.

Lots of activity around here this Halloween Margaret. How are things where you are?

Sincerely,

Apondia

Word count from the Journal 7 = 710