Ravings of a Long Haired Dude

I won! I have to brag a little.

The other day I entered the Merit Badge Mini-Contest in Robert Waltz 's blog entry "There's No Ham in Hamburger" . Robert announced the winner in the entry "Bubble Rap" . I like my entry, so I decided to put it here.

Prompt:
In the comments below, describe your perfect burger. It can be one you've had or, as in my case, a Platonic ideal that I've never quite achieved (though I've come close). It doesn't have to have the "classic" toppings; I also like, for example, mushroom-swiss burgers. Nor does it have to contain dead animal.
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This hamburger will be one that I would like to have, but probably will never be able to get all the ingredients together.

The bun is the foundation of a burger, so I will start with that. I would like a multi-grain bun using ancient grains. I want the ancient grains more for the flavor and texture, though any health benefits would be good too. I would want some quinoa both in the dough and sprinkled on top. I like the way the quinoa grains pop between the teeth. I would want it to be sourdough with a little sorghum molasses or wildflower honey added to the dough. Mix some imperial stout and some good quality lager. Add just a little to the dough. Save the rest of the beer. I’m not much of a baker so I would hire a good one to custom make the buns.

For the patties I would use a mixture of bison and venison with just a little of a good cut of beef, ground together with some lemongrass and just a few ramps. Add a little of the beer mixture to the meat while grinding it.

Grill the burgers over charcoal with hickory and apple wood chips. Keep the lid on the grill.

Make a mixture of ramps, mushrooms and poblano peppers. Wild mushrooms like morels, chicken mushrooms and chanterelles would be good. The poblano peppers would add a bit of heat. Marinade the vegetables in the beer mixture for about an hour. Save the liquid.

Put the vegetables on top of the burgers while cooking them. Take them off when turning the burgers. Put them back on the other side. Use the marinade liquid to baste the burgers while cooking.

When the burgers are nearly done, put a couple of ramp leaves and a few basil leaves on each burger. Top them with some good sharp cheddar. Let the leaves wilt and the cheese melt.

Put each burger on a bun. Top them with the smoked ramp and mushroom mixture. Add some branch lettuce and some good tomato. The tomatoes should be good vine ripened garden tomatoes, not the tasteless supermarket tomatoes.
Put just a touch of good brown mustard on each one.

Unfortunately the ramps are in season before the tomatoes are ripe, so it’s impossible to have the two at the same time.