Evolution of Love 2

My Puzzle On Ma

In my youth a feeling of being overpowered by worldly hankering pained me much. I felt I was paralysed by the toxicity of attachments. I kept running after sadhus and sannyasis, here and there with a hope of some supernatural help to throw off that condition. I was received by many of them with compassion. Many beautiful sermons were heard. But that power which could wipe off my pain was not felt anywhere. Perchance, I heard the name of Ma Anandamayi from a relative. The name, only the name, attracted me very much and a new feeling came within, that Her feet would be my refuge.

In the month of January of 1948 in Gita-Jayanti ceremony at South Kolkata, I saw Ma for the first time. Without going into details, I may say, She gazed at me, though I was seated at the remotest corner of a big pandal. I tried to open myself to a wave of purity coming from Ma. I was toned up and I felt that I was above that paralysing toxicity. A feeling of bliss, quiet, purity and strength filled my mind, which surrounded me for several months.

The question naturally maddened me, Who is this Ma, with such a power of graceful gaze, of purifying presence, with such a healing smile ? I began to read books on Ma. But Her life-history puzzled me much. A scientific mind always searches for a link between cause and effect. But the cause behind this " Ma Anandamayi " , an incarnation of eternal Bliss, could not be discovered ! How did Nirmala became Ma of the whole world ? History is silent about that. No evolutionary progress from Nirmala to Ma could be traced. Everything was formulated from the beginning of Her life. So, I was trying to discover a scientific formula for explaining Ma, a mysterious phenomenon in the world.

I found that all avatars have a phase of ignorance in their life. God, in the form of an avatar, comes down to ignorance. As if He covers himself with a veil of darkness and gradually unveils a way to knowledge and light for people to follow. Thus the mission of an avatar is fulfilled. But Ma had no such phase of ignorance. She has come without that veil, like Sri Krishna and Christ, who are also not regarded as avatars, but as ever unveiled form of that One.

I tried to dive into the teachings of Sri Aurobindo. He says, that if one can surrender his mind, vitally and body to the divinity, and remain aloof as indifferent observer, the divine power will itself come down and make all necessary arrangements for divinising that mind and body. All sadhana will be done automatically. This idea of automatisation resembled Ma's ' automatic ' sadhana. So I got a sort of formula for understanding Ma.

But the question came in my mind : Did Ma surrender anything ? Had She anything to surrender or receive ? The mysterious Ma is born without ego, without "I" and "mine". But it strikes every keen observer that two phenomena exist simultaneously, always, always in Ma's body. One is an aloof witness, just like the sky which witnesses all clouds with thunders and lightnings coming and going in various forms, but itself remains undisturbed and unscratched. The other is the sportive divine play or 'Kheyal' , explained as a 'spiritual wind' by some Western observers. What is this 'Kheyal' ? Is it the divine Will ? Willingness is relative to unwillingness. These occur in the field of ego, in the field of conflict and relativity. But a child's throwing of hands and feet this way and that way is not guided by willingness or unwillingness, it is a spontaneous expression of the joyous heart. 'Kheyal' is like that, a spontaneous expression of the eternal Bliss. In the Kali temple of the Hindus, we find two images, Shiva and Kali. 'Shiva' lies down inactively as an indifferent spectator of the sportive 'Kheyal', or 'Kali' dancing on His joyous heart. I discovered that these tattwas exist simultaneously in the body of Ma Anandamayi.