Complex Numbers

Just the Tip

Hey look, an actual article about writing.

How to Write a Novel, According to 10 Really Good Novelists  
Take notes everywhere, embrace Wikipedia wormholes and other handy tips

A long, long time ago, back in the first lockdown, you probably told yourself that now – right this moment, in the middle of a pandemic – was the perfect time to conceive, plot, write, revise, rewrite, complete and publish a novel which completely transformed what we thought it was possible to express in the English language.

Nope, I said, "Hey, let's play video games and binge-watch TV shows." Also, "Hey, what would happen if I blogged every day around midnight?"

It wasn't. Obviously it wasn't. You know that now. But even if it turned out a year-long period of isolation and anxiety actually wasn't much good for your inner David Foster Wallace, there's no bad time to start writing.

Part of it is all we could think about was the pandemic, and what you think about is what you write. And I don't want to see one single goddamned story, book, movie, or TV show about the pandemic. The title "Love in the time of [insert disease here]" is completely played out, and as soon as I see something about two (or more) people falling in love while masking and social distancing, I am going to break something. I am also going to break something if it's a story about how lonely people are. I don't care. No. Do not want. Authors writing such tripe need to be sent to Gitmo.

While we're at it, I propose imprisonment for vertical video and a minimum of 10 years of hard labor for writing anything longer than flash fiction in the present tense.

To help you along, we asked 10 established and emerging writers for the rules of thumb they use to find ideas, to get words onto the page, and to turn an interesting first draft into something more substantial.

And you know, I'm just going to leave this here because I'm wiped. No, it's not the second vaccine shot; I'm over that. It's that I managed to score a bottle of rare, artisanal, small-batch gin from Utah (don't ask). (No, really, don't ask.) It's very, very good gin. The downside of it is that I can't be arsed to comment on the tips. I will say I do some of them already, I might try others, but what works for that editor won't necessarily work for me, and what works for me won't necessarily work for you.

So if you're writing a book, or thinking of writing one, I guess you'll just have to click on the link. I'mma go pass out.