Hey, life? Are you kidding me?

WT?????

I realize making a New Year's Resolution usually takes place at the start of a, well, new year, but as with many things I'm running behind. But this morning, it came to me. I would give up cursing! Yet, even I knew there was no way I could go cold turkey. It's not like I'm potty mouth of the year or cuss like a truck driver. Where did that saying even come from? I mean why truck drivers? There is no one even with them for them to hear them curse or know if they let a little d-word or f-word slip. I'm sorry, truck drivers, for the stereotype. Or was it sailors? Why would sailors cuss more than, say, nurses? Hmmm....We may have to do some research. Back to the point (possibly), I decided to give up a curse word a week....you know, just to be realistic.

Anyway, like I said, it's not like it is a chronic condition with me, but I am a teacher - so I have a fear of dropping a stapler on my foot and letting a damn or shit slip out. (The word, not the actual fecal matter - though at times I have been scared of that slipping out, too.) I decided to give up 'fuck' and all forms of the word.

Boy, was that fucking stupid! I didn't even make it to 7 fucking o'clock. I don't remember exactly how I used it, but it was followed by "Well, fuck! I just broke my fucking resolution." It is clear I don't do well with failure. I realized I had to change my mindset, because there must be some relationship going on between my thoughts and my vocal cords. (Even though, my vocal chords are quite great at filtering my thoughts during school hours....my eyes, not so much,)

Things like this:

Mrs. Branson, I couldn't do my assignment that you gave us a month to do, because I had the first wrestling practice yesterday.

My brain says: Are you fucking kidding me?
My voice says: Do you think your coach will think that's a valid excuse when I call him?

or

Someone is writing on the board and a girl says, "Why is it so small?"
Someone replies, "That's what she said."

My brain says: Who the fuck said that?
My voice says: You are in 6th grade; you need to wait until you're a little older to be that inappropriate.

So anyway, it was a fuck of a day. I tried not to give a fuck, but I'm human...I do still have a heart, withered though it may be.

Here is the best thing I learned though! It's educational, so get ready to learn something. I'm an English teacher so I really like words and forms of them...pretty much everything about them. When I was trying to decide why I failed my resolution so quickly, I realized it is because the word 'fuck' is amazingly impressive. It is one of those words that can be almost any part of speech.

Verb - Have you fucked yet?
Noun - I don't give a fuck; why should you?
Adjective - He is so fucking cute!
Interjection - FUCK! I broke my resolution!
Adverb - He fucking screamed so loud when he stubbed his toe.
Pronoun - That fuck over there took my parking spot.
Conjunction - I'm so tired; fuck, I could sleep all week.

7 out of 8 parts of speech! That's fucking awesome. I don't think it can technically be a preposition, but what the fuck do I know?

You have to admire a word that is so versatile, yet also frowned upon in certain social settings. I mean I am still going to try to eliminate it from my vocabulary, but it's versatility will always fucking impress me.


If this offended you, I am truly sorry. BUT on the other hand, you didn't have to keep fucking reading.

Peace,
Audra