Complex Numbers

Self-Restraint

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  [13+]:
17. Maple Syrup Day
Did you know that this sweet and unique flavor originated in America?
Native American Indians were the first to harvest and boil the sap of the maple tree into a thick syrup.
Talk about, well, maple syrup, of course.

"JAFBG"  [XGC]:
You have a new power this holiday season! You get to put one idea in everyone's head simultaneously and all of them will agree with it as fact. What idea are you pushing?

The one idea I'd put in everyone's head simultaneously is that I'm infallible and everyone should always agree with everything I say as fact.

Cheating? Sure. It's like wishing for infinity more wishes. Makes a shitty story, but a good life.

Of course, then I'd have to be really, really careful not to abuse said power, say by banning all holiday music from public places, or telling everyone that Bud Light isn't actually beer (which, to be fair, it isn't), or banning vertical video under penalty of death, or by convincing everyone that fake maple syrup just isn't worth it.

Because while fake maple syrup objectively isn't worth it, it's a hell of a lot cheaper, and some people just can't afford the real thing, and I'd hate for me to be the cause of anyone going broke because they bought liquid gold.

I was at some friends' house one time. They had a pre-teen kid, and we were all sitting around the table eating pancakes that his mom made. The pancakes were delicious, but the "syrup" was the fake stuff. Naturally, I didn't say anything, because I'm the guest, and I really try not to be rude.

So the kid took the "syrup" bottle and squirted half of it onto his pancakes, like pouring milk over cereal. Had it been the real stuff, the parents would have had to take out a second mortgage to afford it. Then I took the bottle and just put a little circle of "syrup" on mine.

The mom turned to the kid and said, "See how Waltz uses just a little bit of syrup?"

The dad turned to me and said, "I'll bet that's the first time you were ever used as a model for self-restraint."

I laughed, because it's true.