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 |    Not for the faint of art. |
| A friend of mine once told me -- I think he got it from a movie or something -- that everyone has a superpower. PROMPT May 25th What is the most useless skill you have? The most valuable? I was describing to another friend once the way rabbits act when threatened. They're prey animals with few defenses apart from speed, so they get et a lot. They make up for this with their famous reproductive strategy: make a lot of bunnies and maybe some of them don't get et, and those go on to make more lots of bunnies. Point is, with a reproductive strategy like that and a relative lack of defenses, bunnies are pretty much Russian fatalists when it comes to being about to get et. A wolf comes sauntering along, baring its teeth, and if the lagomorph can't escape, it'll just stop its own heart so it dies quickly instead of by being bit a lot. My friend said, "Worst superpower ever." Yes, of course I know it's "eaten," not "et," but some words are just too funny not to use. Anyway, the friend who told me about the superpower thing told someone else that my superpower is punning. I don't know. I mean, I'm pretty good at it. But I think my real superpower, the one that almost never fails me, is being able to ignore rules about which drinks can be drunk before which other drinks. You know, the whole "liquor before beer, never fear" thing. Or is it the other way around? I honestly don't know because it doesn't apply to me. I can drink -- and have done so, on many occasions -- any type of alcoholic beverage, in any order. I might start with beer or whiskey, then move on to tequila or wine, maybe have some cider, throw in some rum... whatever. Sure, I get hangovers like anyone, but no combination can make me sick, only excessive quantities. Naturally there are mixtures that I stay away from; mixing wine and beer is an unholy abomination against all that is beautiful and right with the world, like carpeting your bathroom or drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth. But drinking one and then the other? Not a problem. This practice does, however, tend to suppress my punning abilities, which is why I call it my true superpower. And it's mostly useless. I mean, it's nice to have because I drink for the taste, not to get drunk, and I like to sample different products. Getting drunk is usually a result, not a goal. Usually. Sometimes these days I read a news story and getting blotted becomes the goal, but not often. Anyway, I don't know if it's a "skill" or not, because it's not something I get better at with practice (and I've had quite a bit of practice), but it was the first thing that came to mind for "most useless skill." As for the most valuable, I'd say, technically, the ability to design stormwater management systems. I mean, that's the one with the most earning potential back when I was using it. I expect I could still do it, so it counts as a skill, I suppose. But it's boring. There's also writing, which I think is valuable but no one else does; and finance, which keeps me from having to design stormwater management systems for a living. "Valuable," of course, is a value judgment, by tautological definition. My mind went to "what skills can make me the most money?" But others might find that skills that produce non-monetary rewards to be the most valuable. Relating to other people, for example, or being a good parent, or the ability to dress in a matching outfit, none of which are in my skillset at all. I only care about money. And booze. |
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