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 |   You never know what you'll find - humor, ramblings, rants, randomness- it's all me! |
MY 100TH BLOG! I've initially not initially - great start, Ralls - intentionally(this time) put off writing this blog for a day or two, because, come on, it's my 100th; it should be something SPECIAL, right? Wrong. Remember it's me. SPECIAL was just way too much pressure, so I'm just going to throw down some random thoughts. I know you are thinking that is what I always do. Well, most the time they sort of have a direction. Not this time - just vomiting out words. Pleasant visual. My first blog was so negative - I had a lot of anger that day due to events that had happened the day before. I'm not angry still (I know you might be thinking 'Good God woman, it's been 5 years ago - it's about time you let it go.) OMG 5 years -- life slow down. Anyway, I am still resentful - I guess that's the word. I mean I can now be in the same room with the person that caused grizzly bear type anger, but I don't really make eye contact. You can judge me if you want and lecture me about forgiveness, because I might have done the same about 18 years ago, but some times you have to travel a rocky road to realize experiences sometimes make the person more than the person makes experiences -- wow - that almost sounded deep. Next up - my son. I gave him the MOST IMPORTANT (yes, I'm yelling) advice I can ever given him just a couple of months ago. And I think he got it and will follow it. See, I had just had a complete hysterectomy about 4 weeks prior to this moment. We were in the car, and perhaps I might have been a tad, I don't know, cranky. In a concerned voice, he says, "Mom, did you remember to take your estrogen?" This was a pull the car over, stare me in the eyes moment. I'm not sure if I said this or growled it, but it went something like this: "You listen, and you listen good. You NEVER ask a woman if she has taken her estrogen, is hormonal, has pms, the length her period might last, or even refer to such events. Because, son, I am telling you, there will be no winning on your part. Whether it was a joke or stupidity you are doomed. This is your ONE time to have breathed those words into space, so I hope you enjoyed every minute of it. There are no ifs, ands, or buts. Even well-intentioned comments, such as can I go to the store to buy you some Midol, will get a curse put on you by every woman within hearing distance. Do you understand me? He bit his lip and said, "Yes." Now, I'm not entirely sure but I think as I was pulling the car back onto the road he muttered something like, "I got my answer, apparently no on the estrogen today." I had to pretend he didn't and it was just the voices in my head. Because the only other option would have been to curse him with something like broken thumbs so he couldn't play video games, and I love my quiet time now and then. Looking forward to next year at work. I have a new principal - ahhhhhh that's all that needs to be said. Apparently, I'm an overachiever on the illness chart. Kidney stone the size of a golf ball. Ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit or some fruit maybe on orange. But nothing terminal. Would they tell me if I had something terminal? Because, frankly they would lose A LOT of money, because I'd just quit going in. Friends? I know tons of people - acquaintances, but I really only have a few people - 5 or less- that I'd call friends. Actually, that suits me fine. I love who I have, more would probably stress me out. Some people I just plain don't like. Sometimes I try to hide it, but sometimes I lose that battle. I was much more tolerant in my younger days. Family - I love almost all of them - and those I don't I simply don't think of them as family. Lately, I've been scared about my parents dying. They aren't in poor health or anything, but I can't imagine making it without them. Okay, enough of that - I'm not going to cry on my 100th blog, sheesh. Love - it's complicated - LOL - I hate it when people say that! It's like they are trying to intrigue you. Do I love? yes. Am I loved back? yes. And that's enough for me. Umm, just so you know. I am going to cry here. I lost a good friend this year, a lot of us did. I'm not going to call him a WDC or internet friend, because he was simply a friend. I met him here and I'm thankful to WDC for that. John Hobbs aka ogre passed away before Christmas this year. I miss him so much. Sometimes his pieces still appear in the newsletters, and it makes me smile and tear up at the same time. I learned so much from him about giving, receiving, faith, unconditional love, life. John and Lori were married for over 30 years. It is a true amazing love. One time John said, "When I wake up in the morning, my first thought is 'How can I make Lori's day better?' and I know that she thinks the same of me. It blew me away. I miss him. But - he would be mad if I left on a somber note so let me think of what ridiculousness I can come up with. Oh yeah, - Don't you hate that question like what are your future goals? or a dream you haven't reached yet? Well, I do. I used to just be a smart ass and answer 'to be able to find my glasses in the first minute and a half of waking up'. Before I tell you though I have to insert this. I hate that saying, "No one likes a smart ass!", because you know what? It's not true, sometimes I really dig them - come on, it is funny sometimes. Anyway, I want to go see Ellen. She doesn't have to give me $10000 dollars or anything (though I would graciously accept it so as not to offend her or Shutterfly). I just want to feel that energy. I tape her show, and 99 percent of the time it can get me out of a funk. So that's my weird dream/goal. You know the people who go to other talk shows and get like a free copy of a lame book are sitting there thinking "Seriously? Ellen's audience is going to Tahiti and got a 56 inch panoramic hd 3d tv in any shade that matches your living room - and $5000 to redo their living room." So there is 100, folks. Apparently, I'm not taking my vow of blogging everyday to heart if it took me 5 years to get to 100. Such a slacker that Ralls girl. Thanks for reading! You've been a great audience, Audra L. Ralls |
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