Reflections: A Book

We should respect everyone's opinion. But you should only 'tolerate' an opinion if it does not promote the physical, or extreme emotional harm, of another.
Physical harm is obvious, but the 'extreme emotional harm' is less so.
I define 'extreme emotional harm' as 'excessive put downs of one's general characteristics that they can not change'.
Examples: Cyber bullying of a child where everyone calls him/her fat/ugly/dumb/stupid/etc. would be an example of 'extreme emotional harm'.
Telling someone that their writing needs work and is not good enough to be published; may be an example of emotional harm, if the person is extremely sensitive and incapable of filtering constructive criticism. But this is not malicious or extreme in it's emotional affect.

I try to be delicate but honest and firm if necessary when discussing my opinions. I have no problem agreeing to disagree and simply walking away.
I think things get heated between individuals because they refuse to agree to disagree. They feel that if the other person doesn't agree with them then either that person is a horrible person OR they themselves will be perceived as horrible or even worse 'ignorant' by the "winning" side. O yes and everyone just wants to be 'right' all the time. Even though that is impossible.

So today/night's a "Cry Day", coined by a local radio show. People tend to cry periodically to release our emotions, women more often than men usually. I'm not different. It's been a few months since I've allowed myself to cry for a reason other than grief over my Dad.

Crying today b/c feel like I just broke up with a good girlfriend. It'll probably blow over in time but it's real fresh right now.

The opinion? Long story short (it'll seem long but trust me, all the details aren't here): I hadn't talked to her in over a month. She's going through a divorce and got two teenagers at home, 18 girl and 15 boy. I called to see how she was doing and I admittedly was not being uber sensitive to her needs, BUT I was acting how I normally act, which is FINE when she's not feeling so senstive. Here in lies the problem. She accused me of being rude, I apologized for coming off that way BUT I mentioned the fact that the ONLY reason she perceived me as 'rude' is because she's feeling 'sensitive' right now.

Now, there is NOTHING wrong with being sensitive BUT she REFUSED to ADMIT that she's in a fragile/emotional/sensitive state. Correction, she dismissed it. She said it didn't have to do with her being sensitive and wanted to reflect only on my 'being rude'. Ok, but I already apologized so now what? I'll tell you what, NOTHING! I got overly emotional because I was pissed that she wouldn't acknowledge that I was only calling her to make sure she was ok, BUT neither of us do 'emotional' very well and so I was being overly flippant/kidding around like we usually do. It's not like we had been talking about anything heavy so I never made light of her situation....or least didn't mean to, but I gotta be honest another bee in my bonnet that's been buzzing around is "you teach people how to treat you" and it BAFFLES me to this day the way she lets her kids treat and talk to her and I THINK that she puts up w/ SO MUCH CRAP from her kids (and soon to be ex husband) at home that she auto shuts off her 'allowable crap meter' from the outside world. I get it, but my thing is if you didn't let your kids walk all over u maybe you wouldn't be so freaking stressed AND wouldn't feel the need to cut yourself off from the rest of world. Be/c we are both VERY similar in that regard, when shit hits the fan we just clam up and shut everyone out, hence why I'VE Been calling her these past few months and not the other way around.

It's deflection is what it is! My mom's the same way, I SEE IT! Strong women HATE to be told they're sensitive. GET OVER IT! There's nothing wrong with being sensitive every once in a while and it's a vicious cycle I get it; get pissed at me cuz I'm "rude" for a couple seconds but let ur kids throw tantrums at fíng 16 and 19 yrs old to the point where you only discipline yell at them when ur crap meter's already full for the day.

That's the problem, kids got no discipline these days, get to say LITERALLY whatever the f they feel like WHEN they feel like it while at home then they wonder why their so anti-social or socially awkward b/c they don't know how to deal with/process ppl who don't take their crap or let them talk to them any sort of way. Then they feel like the whole world's against them b/c ppl won't take their crap, or ppl don't 'understand' them.

But hell I don't have kids what do I know, I've only been that age and know that if you give me an inch I'll take a mile. I can hardly imagine what I would have turned out like if my mom let me talk to her that way....man, talk about life changing.

But I digress, I shouldn't be rude and again I'M SORRY but COME ON! This situation wasn't about being 'rude' but being 'insensitive' (key word there being SENSITIVE!) and I've apologized for that now put ur big gurl panties on and just admit that you're in a sensitive place and need to make an effort to stop making excuses (albeit mostly VALID excuses) and make time for yourself to BETTER urself for your kids and your life. I know these things take time but that ahole is off living his life while you're stuck in a web of work/kids/stress/REPEAT. It's been over a year, I'm not saying you don't need more time to adjust I'm just saying admit that holing yourself off from the world and those who want to help alleviate stress where/when possible is NOT a good idea.

I wonder if she's still making time to see her counselor....I sure hope so....I'mma call her in about a week and see. Cuz that's my biggest fear, she's not making time for herself and her stress level is skyrocketing. Granted I may have added to that 2nite but AGAIN I APOLOGIZED, and shouldn't have pushed her to admit she's feeling sensitive but damnit i'm feeling sensitive too right now.....sigh.......and I don't think it's fair that just cuz I don't ahve kids that my feelings are some how LESS valid. I get it u gotta take care of the kids but they aren't toddlers that can take care of themselves for the most part! REason you have to 'reassure' them (mainly the 16 yr old boy) is because they're so damn insecure and dependent on mommy to make everything better.

Granted I was 10 but I was 'never' that needy so I guess I can't relate. I got my Mommy and Daddy issues and I liked my mom being around and she prioritized us but she didn't use us as a crutch either. Least I hope/don't think she did..........whatev' everyone's different and she's got some good kids but.....i'm tired so whatever.
/rant on independent middle aged women

I didn't even start talking about young men in their 20s (and in some cases, 30s).

All I'll say is: What sense does it make for me to HAVE to call you because you might FORGET to call me....even though we talked less than 24 hours prior!?!?
Short story long: We were planning to meet up tomorrow. I'll even ignore the fact that you're too lazy to drive further than half way to my house when you only live 20 min away. I'll even ignore the fact that I gave you 2 or 3 different meeting options before I told you to come up with a good meeting place you prefer and I'll just meet you there. But I can NOT ignore that those were his EXACT words: "If I happen to forget to call you tomorrow, you call me." .....WTF?!!?
Why the hell is it my sole responsibility to take our relationship (currently only a friendship for this exact reason) seriously enough that I remember to call you? Are you helpless? Senile?! Or just plain dumb....?
This is why I date old guys.....
/rant on lazy @$$ 20-30 something yr old males