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A new blog to contain answers to prompts |
| Prompt: Swimming What swimming-related topics would you discuss if you were a stand-up comedian? ------ Oh, swimming! Instead of the topics, let me stand up instead. Then, since I'm standing up, I can't swim, can I? Anyway, here I am as your very new and very raw recruit stand-up comedian. Aaahem! Swimming is one of those things where, if you stop doing it, you die...especially if you're in the middle of the ocean. That's why they invented the swimming lessons and swimming pools so we can throw our two-year old babies into them, so they learn swimming. I should know. I did just that with both my sons, but with the swimming instructor sticking around. I did it because I know that swimming is not a sport, but survival with style. If you dare, go argue this point with the Olympics people! They'll tell you a mouthful of nonsense. And they are weird. Just like swimming itself, as it’s one of those few skills you can’t really brag about, without sounding slightly like a psychopath. Picture this: Someone says, “Oh, I’m a runner.” Cool, health nut, you think. Someone says, “I’m a swimmer.” Oh... so you trained for when the land betrays us? And just how people describe swimmers? "They’re like a fish in water!" Okay, but you know what happens to a fish out of water? Dead in ten seconds. Plus, let's take a look at swimwear versus other coverings of the body, such as clothes, veils, chador, armor, fashion...and then, we get to the pool and strip down to the smallest piece of elastic underwear held together by hope and we flaunt it to everyone around. At the end, when all is said and done, I respect swimmers, especially those long-distance in the ocean kind, who dunk themselves out there, beating physics, racing inside the water like a submarine or a super hero. But me? No way, at my age! I'll just stick around by the pool or if I dare, I'll be holding on to a float at the shallow end. |
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