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 |   A nothing from nowhere cast his words to a world wide wind, hindered by periphery. |
| I try to smooth the steel edges and then hop back in. Mirrors adjusted, I see where you are, a pilot in hind view (backseat). In the throes of January, it’s a mystery why she’s deceased. We looked through the obituary for clues. Someone just like us, but different in one way: dead. Really dead. Our vehicle is getting warmer. But soon your distraction is well seen, and settled in my cockpit I go. The mirror is clean, yet from this vista I get a dim view. For 60 long years an immaculate machine in and out of repair always attuned to you. As my engine revs, all I notice is a lonely horizon. How many times when you exit this cabin did I consider a journey alone? Instead, I wonder aloud, should I turn here? You say, try again. Should I drive straight, I ask. Again, try again. All my life wondering how’s my driving, where are we going, I wonder why you don’t sit up front or take the wheel. I start to question the need for repair, tune ups or even a garage. I forgot the true purpose of this machine I’m steering through sleet on arctic snow. I think of the words that will be chosen and paid for print. Dying is not free. This whole life and stubborn machine are wrought with cost. Under the hood, I rewire and rewire until I don’t know what goes to what anymore. An entire life trying to perfect something I did not create, overhauled and rebuilt…to go in direction that is meant. But in order to not be a lonely traveler, I accepted you as navigator and reluctant co-pilot. And from the backseat, you seem to have directed me. Request you take the wheel, you deflect. Maybe, I’ll steer this thing into the river. No. I forget the cost. The sun is directly in my eyes as I dream sundown into lonely, equatorial senectitude. 2.20.22 I plead for understanding in the midst of my own ignorance. |
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