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 |  Where am I going, and why am I in this handbasket? |
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Fair Warning: I've upped the rating on this blog. It is now set at GC. |
| Anyone know what that stands for? I'll tell ya later. I've mentioned that my husband is a martial art's instructor? Well he is. He teaches two forms, Aikido koki kai, and Commando Krav Maga. He started studying Aikido when he was in college, and continued to pursue it from there. He is... I think... a third degree black belt. I hate to say, but I don't pay a lot of attention to it. More recently he became a level III instructor for Commando Krav Maga which is a form that was developed for Israeli Special Forces. Since he is relatively new to the Krav Maga, he is trying to build his student base. Now, that said, there is a show that airs on the History Channel called Human Weapon. Two weeks ago they had an episode specifically about Krav Maga, and since then Tony's phone has been very busy. People are making inquiries. When we went out to dinner on Friday night, the kid who bussed tables saw that he was wearing a Krav Maga Instructor shirt and came over to ask questions about it. Due to a rather fortunate fluke of timing, he had arranged to have a seminar with his instructor later this month, and interest is at an all time high. All of this is serving as a brilliant distraction for him, and seems to be taking his mind off the pending results of his licensor exam. Wish I had something to distract me! The other day we were in the car and he was complaining about the level of commitment in his new students. They have the gall to miss practices. My God! This is unthinkable to a man who rarely misses or cancels a class. He is out of the house by 10 and often doesn't get home until 3 on Saturdays... not to mention the two practices he has added on Monday and Wednesday evenings. Even while everything else in life was put on hold in preparation for his exam, he damn well went to practice. I pointed out to him that people do have lives that include work and family commitments, and not everybody is blessed with as a wife as accommodating as I have been. I don't mean to imply in anyway that I am a martyr. I'm not. I've made it easy for him, and I accept my part in that. There were times in our marriage that I made it easy because I preferred him to be gone. Three days after we were married he went away to a week long martial arts conference. I wasn't happy about it. We chose our sides at that moment. His argument is that Martial Arts are a huge part of his life, and he was already involved in them when we met. I fell in love with him knowing that... married him knowing that. If I love him, then I have to accept that part of him. My argument is that when he made his commitment to martial arts, he was free to do so, but as he became first a husband, and then a father, his priorities should shift. His time is no longer just his time. We agreed to disagree. The compromise is almost always on my part. I used to insist he miss practice on occasion, but soon learned that he'd be so surly and obnoxious that I'd resent his presence every bit as much as ever did his absence. At one point, we had a mutual friend, Bob (not the battery operated sort Bugzy) who would visit me and my daughter every Saturday while Tony was at practice. I dubbed him my rent-a-husband, and it was all quite innocent on the surface. Looking back, I suspect Bob was secretly waiting for me to wise up and dump Tony's ass so we could runaway together and live happily ever after in New Jersey. For his part, Tony didn't mind the arrangement because it freed him to do as he pleased. Of course, Bob eventually found his own woman and she did mind! He never writes or calls anymore.  Wow! Way to ramble Kay! And to think I was worried that I had nothing to write today. Okay... my point, if I have one, is this. My husband has something in his life that is feeding him with all sorts of positive energy and enthusiasm right now, and I'm feeling stressed, and emotionally drained. I'm feeling very alone.  Tomorrow I know I'll feel like an ass for writing this, and I recognize that it doesn't paint an especially flattering picture of me, but for tonight I'm going to let it stand as written. WWFW is an abbreviation created in my office almost nine years ago by a woman who despised whining. It stands for "whaa, whaa, fuckin' whaa." That was the response you could expect to get from her if you chose to whine in her office. To this day, I can't indulge in whining without thinking WWFW.  Tomorrow is another day. |
| The whine of mosquitoes is instantly recognizable to most folks, but did you know that males and females whine at different frequencies? I think it might all be part of the whole "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" gender communication gap. The males (who are basically flying penises with really big ears) can easily find mates in a dark moonlit swamp, or in the shadows of a smoky nightclub, by honing in on the feminine whine. Once they find the whiny female of their dreams, they adjust their wingbeats to sync up with the females. Scientists have found that it takes a male mosquito an average of 1 second to synchronize his whine with the female, and another 15 seconds to “do the deed.” So, the male mosquito spends most of his life cycle completely out of sync with the female population. Although it only takes a mere second of his time to "make a love connection," he will only sustain the effort for the 15 seconds it takes him to get laid. After that, he's off on his merry way with out so much as a farewell glance to his blood-sucking mistress. |
All bets are off! I was intending on sliding on in here and attempting to compose a mildly entertaining entry tonight. On my way over I happened to stop in at SouthernDiva  's blog to see what depressing country song was playing, and instead I stumbled into a party.So... well, I don't remember what I was gonna say anywho. Guess I'll just go back to the party.  Okay, okay, I think I can focus now, but not a lot. So, I'm just gonna do a list of 5. Five Strangest things I said this week... None of which seemed all that strange at the time. 1. "I JUST SAW RON MOWING HIS LAWN. GUESS THAT MEANS HE'S NOT DEAD." -there had been a rumor... 2. "HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT COOKIE MONSTER AND SNUFFLEUFAGUS WERE THE SAME PERSON!" -my daughter gives boys strange nicknames so I won't know who she's talking about  3. "DOES THE FLAMINGO MAKE ME LOOK LOPSIDED?" -Stupid shirt! Don't ask. 4. "SUPERMAN DOES NOT BELONG IN YOUR MOUTH" -said to son who was chewing on the plastic Superman shaped handle of his Superman umbrella. 5. "I'M GETTING DESPERATE HERE! AT THIS POINT, I'D SETTLE FOR A WARM BODY." -Still have three vacancies at work. Made two job offers this week and they both turned me down. |
I want to thank Startiara for gifting me with this merit badge today.![Merit Badge in Angel
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This is to honor you for being the angel that you are- to your family- to those at work- and to those of us here on WDC!!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Angel-210.gif) I don't think I can adequately express my thanks for the gift. or for the kind words that came with it. Startiara  is a very dear and generous friend, and her timing is impeccable. A lot of "stuff" caught up with me today and left me feeling rather delicate and off balance. On such a day, the words of a friend mean a great deal. Stress has a way of smacking you down. I've been under my share, so I guess I was due. I woke up this morning with a vision headache. It was centered behind my left eye, and although I couldn't seem to force my eye open, that didn't stop me from seeing the brilliant flashes of white light. It was the prelude to a migraine. I took the day off work. The good thing about migraines is that they are uncompromising. They leave you with no choice but to take care of yourself. Alright, I'm gonna leave it at and get off the computer. I've got the headache pushed back to a dull roar, and I do not want to tempt fate here! You all are in my thoughts and I'll catch up with you soon!  |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Well, I could pretty much leave it at that! Ah, today was the long awaited day. It was test day, and back to school day all rolled into one unbelievably nerve racking package. My husband described his exam in one word... "Ouch!" I guess that says it all. We have to wait two weeks to find out whether he passed, but I've gotta admit. We are already preparing for the worst. I guess that's a coping mechanism in and of itself. In any case, the die has been cast and there is nothing more that can be done. The kids got back to school fine. My daughter insisted on wearing jeans even though I warned her that she'd be too hot. I almost fell over though when she told me "Mom, you were right. It was way too hot for jeans. Tomorrow I'm wearing shorts."  Oh, she also told me that since I had to take her t-shirt back to Kohl's, I could return her other shirt too. "What shirt" I asked, and she produced another t-shirt complete with tags. Hmmm... this time the shirt was from Penneys! I'm going to have to drop by the store in stealth mode. I'm afraid they might have my picture posted in the break room with a caption that reads "difficult customer alert." Kate doesn't have many friends in her class, but she seems to be okay with it, and is genuinely excited to be back in school. Zachary was excited and happy about school too. I was surprised that he had homework already, and even more surprised to see that it was completely beyond his skill level. His list of spelling words came home so mis-spelled that I don't know what they are! So, I had homework. I had to write a letter to the teacher explaining that Zachary was out of his depth and requesting an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) meeting as soon as possible. It seems that no matter how many meetings take place before the start of the school year, no one really hears me until they see Zachary in action for themselves. I have piles of releases, emergency cards, and policy statements that require my attention and or signature, so I've got to cut out of here for now, but I'll try to stop back later. |
| Yep, just got back from it! I've spent way too much of this weekend in stores and malls in the big push to get everything the kids need, or think they need, for back to school. On a previous shopping trip my daughter had picked out a couple t-shirts that she liked, but after getting them home, she changed her mind and wanted to return them. Today she asked if we could go to Penney's to return her shirt so off we went to the mall. While we were at Penney's, I noticed that they had a buy one, get one free sale on jeans, and since Kate still needs jeans I told her to pick out a couple pairs. In the entire Jr. department, there was only one pair of jeans in her size! Believe me... we checked every last pair! Well, I told her we'd take them up to the register and maybe we'd be able to order the second pair, or maybe they'd give me half off of the pair we found. So off we went with our exchange and a pair of jeans. I found a register with a very short line, but unfortunately I did not notice the "In training" tag on the cashier. So I explained to her what I wanted to do. First, we tried to order the free pair from the catalog. Nope, that wasn't going to happen. You could only get the 'buy one get one free' if both pairs were purchased in the store, or both pairs were purchased from the catalog. No splitting allowed! "Could you just sell me this pair for half price." "No, you have to buy two pairs." "I'd love to, but you only have ONE pair here." "We can order two pairs from the catalog and give you the sale price." "Fine! Whatever." "Okay, so the total with shipping would be..." "Shipping! Why would I pay shipping for something that I'm holding in my hand right now!" "Let me call someone." Ten minutes later, a supervisor strolls over and the cashier explains that I would like to buy two pairs of jeans. I explained that I really didn't give a rat's ass if I bought two pair of jeans or not, but I'd really like to buy ONE PAIR at a fair price. Ten minutes later a manager walks over and we go through all the explanations again. At this point I don't give a shit about jeans, but I'm stuck on the principle of the matter. So the manager shows the cashier in training how to do the catalog order so that I will get the sale price and not have to pay shipping. She walks her through the entire transaction and the SHE VOIDS IT OUT! "Okay, now you do it" she says to the cashier. The cashier in training looks at me in apology. Apparently the manager doesn't get the fact that I've already invest a solid thirty minutes of my life in this particular transaction. Deep breaths... the cashier in training works her way through the transaction and only needs help two or three times, but finally the jeans are ordered. Now, all I have to do is exchange the t-shirt. The cashier in training scans the receipt, and tries to scan the price tag on the shirt. "Ma'am," she said "you bought this shirt is at Kohls."  My bad. |
| For gifting me with a costumicon. I had to go with the flamingo! I don't really know what I want to write about tonight. I went over to my mother's house for dinner tonight. She is healing well from her surgery, but says she feels a bit like a wounded bird. She feels vulnerable. She went shopping alone at the large Outlet Shopping Center that is just down the road from her house. She was looking for baby gifts and ran down to the stores close to closing time. There were rough looking young men hanging around outside of the baby store, and Mom said that as she walked into the store, they looked first at her, and then at each other in a way that made her uneasy. They continued to hang around the front of the store while she shopped and looked in at her through the window. It made her nervous. With her foot still in the cast shoe, she was sure she looked like an easy mark. When she went to check out she asked the cashier to please call security and have them come to the store because she would not leave until they did. The cashier called security, and when they pulled up to the front of the store, the two men took off running. Security took off after them, and Mom went quickly to her car. I'm glad that Mom trusted her instincts. That shopping center has a pretty high level of crime, but they keep it out of the papers so as not to discourage business. Back to dinner... we ate at Mom's along with my brother and his wife, the neighbors, and another couple. After dinner we decided to play a game. My husband is rarely interested in playing games, but I really enjoy them. Tonight we played the game Apples to Apples. If you've never played it, I highly recommend it. We laughed hard enough to require frequent bathroom breaks. Oops, I guess I should have explained the game. I was in too big of a hurry to post before the witching hour. Hmmm... okay the game has red cards and green cards. Each player gets 7 red cards. The cards each have a word, phrase, name, or place on them. The green cards also have a word or phrase, but are descriptive in nature. In each round of play, someone reads draws a green card. When the green card is read, everyone has to very quickly select a red card that is best described by the green card and play it. The person who played the green card is the indisputable judge for the round and selects the best answer. Whoever played that card wins the round. The play is very fast though because the last card down is automatically eliminated. To give an example, I pulled a green card that read "Handsome." Five seconds later, five cards slapped down on the table. The sixth card doesn't count. Now I get to judge which of the five cards played is the best match for handsome. Unfortunately my choices are Confucius, Eleanor Roosevelt, Rednecks, Bart Simpson and Woody Allen. In another round, the green card was "Chewy." With only a split second to chose, I played the first card my hand lit upon. The competition was pretty stiff. I had to go up against "Salad," "Goldfish," and "Ear wax." but I managed to win the round with "Pigeons" Definitely a fun game! |
| Keith is the sort that inspires women to shake their heads in angry resignation while echoing the sentiments of generations of women who would agree, “men are all bastards.” At least, I imagine that is what he would inspire if the truth were known. Reluctantly, I’ve got to admit that its better all around to keep this particular truth buried in the past. What is done is done, and with Keith’s leaving, perhaps the book can close on this particular melodrama. Still, I was edgy and uncomfortable sitting around the conference room table yesterday as people passed cake and shared fond reminiscences. It was Keith’s last day at the agency, and it was time for saying goodbyes. I worked with him for nine years. I had plenty of stories I could share, but all of my stories were tinged with anger. I kept the past at arms length and bit my lip against the snide remarks that had become such a natural part of our exchanges. I was quiet, polite, and left at the first opportunity. It isn’t as if Keith ever did anything to me. Looking back, it is hard to believe that we were all nearly a decade younger. We were young and the office was predominantly women. Keith was hired to the MIS department. He was the computer guy… six foot four, full of fun and harmless flirtations. He spent a lot of time socializing with the women of the office while he handled various computer complaints. He was young and unattached and an easy fit. Eventually, he started seeing my friend Bonnie. We spent a lot of time together, but eventually he and Bonnie stopped seeing each other. It was a friendly enough split, and I remained friends with both of them. If anything, I was closer to Keith than to Bonnie at the time. Bonnie was guarded. She had closed herself off, but I didn’t know why, and I was not in her confidence at the time to know the reasons for the split. Gradually, it became increasingly apparent that the two of them had started seeing each other again, but they were being exceedingly discreet, and because they were both friends, I left it alone. I will never forget the day it all went to hell. Keith was in my office visiting under the pretense of loading software onto my computer. He had just come back from vacation… a fishing trip to the Keys with a couple of friends. I had my chair swiveled around to talk to him while he stood leaning against my file cabinet, telling me about the trip. Bonnie came in to the office and stood just inside the doorway of my tiny office. As Keith talked about his vacation, I noticed an edge to the questions Bonnie shot at him. “You don’t have much of a tan for someone who just spent a week in the Keys,” she said. “It rained a lot, but I got some sun.” “Let me see.” She crossed over to him. He was wearing a casual button down shirt and she pulled the collar aside to take a peek. Stepping back she said, “take off your watch.” He took off the watch to reveal the strip of paler skin beneath. I remember now that there was tension in the room, but memory is funny like that, and I think the memory is tainted by knowing what followed. At the time, I was most likely oblivious because if I’d sensed tension, I might have had some warning or been prepared for what came next. As vividly as I remember that scene, I can not recall when or how I learned the truth, but Bonnie knew, and she was already measuring the man she thought she loved against the truth she’d come to know. Bonnie had good instincts, and would have been ahead to listen to them sooner, but she was well and truly in love. The first time she and Keith split, it was because he was not willingly to let her fully into his life. He kept big pieces of himself separate and she sensed an underlying selfishness in him. Selfishness was something Bonnie could easily spot in a man, and Keith had it in spades. Also, they were at different points in their lives. Bonnie had two kids and a failed relationship behind her. Keith was just beginning to contemplate commitment. As I said, Bonnie’s instincts were good, but she had two things working against her. She was lonely, and she did not think highly of herself. They started seeing each other again, but nothing had changed. If anything, Bonnie became increasingly suspicious of Keith especially when he bought a new house, and never took her to see it. She had not met his family or a single friend of his beyond the circle of mutual friends. She was ready to break it off again. He was planning a fishing trip and she had intended to break things off before he left he left, but she ran out of time. While he was away, her instincts must have been screaming day and night in her head. Finally, she picked up the phone and called his mother. She pretended to be an old friend of Keith’s from high school who was hoping to reconnect. Keith’s mom proved to be down right chatty. She told Bonnie that Keith was away at the moment. He and his new bride had gone down to the Florida Keys for a Honeymoon cruise. Keith was busted, but he was also clueless. The truth was a bitter pill, but it would get worse. Keith had every intention of keeping his marriage a secret and continuing his relationship with Bonnie. After all, it wasn’t as if he’d wanted to marry the girl. The only reason he married her was because he’d gotten her pregnant. Bonnie was wrecked. Being a first rate bastard, Keith came through it all reasonably unscathed. Although the fact of his marriage surfaced quickly and became common knowledge, it was assumed that his relationship with Bonnie had ended some time ago. As he presented it, he had been tight lipped about his marriage plans, and wedding to spare Bonnie’s feelings. That particular lie came to be accepted as truth. No one knew that the day he applied for his marriage license, he went to Bonnie’s house and spent the night in her bed. No one knew how terribly he played her. Even after the truth was out, he professed his love to Bonnie and described his marriage as a trap that had been sprung upon him. How many nights did I sit with Bonnie while she rationalized it all? She had her children and didn’t plan on having more, but Keith didn’t have kids, and maybe this was the way it was supposed to happen so that he could be a father. She believed it. She believed he would eventually leave his wife and they would be together. I don’t know why she still wanted him at that point, but she did, and she believed him when he told her how deeply he had suffered. He didn’t offer enough to keep her from being lonely, but it was enough to keep her out of any other relationships, and it stretched on for years. It has been about 2 years since she finally shook off the last of Keith and pronounced herself officially “over him.” Bonnie wasn’t in the conference room yesterday. She took the afternoon off so she could avoid the entire thing. It worked out well for her because she and Mark are going away this weekend, and it gave her time to pack. Bonnie is in love again, and not all men are bastards. |
| The good news is that Tony's first is exam is over. The bad news is that he did NOT get the results as promised. He'll have to wait two weeks to find out how he did. Whatever. It is over and done and worrying over it isn't going to change the outcome. Note to self... stock up on tequila. |
| I had a topic for today, but truth is that I'm not feeling so good. Maybe it is all the booze I'm drinking to calm my nerves. A couple odds and ends from my day... My camera was delivered back into my hands. Several weeks ago, I printed a mailing label off the net, packed up my precious camera and shipped it off to Texas for the free Sony repair. Today the camera came home! And it works! I was so excited that I had to try it out, so I went out on the patio and shot a picture of this guy. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I took the afternoon off, and Zachary and I went over to the school to take the tour. He got to meet his teacher. I forgot the fact that his teacher this year got married to the teacher he had back in Kindergarten. It seems that his wife had passed some information on to him about my little guy. He was very pleased to run into his Learning Support teacher from last year. Turns out she moved over to the new school too. She won't be working with Zach, but was thrilled to see him and invited him to come visit her in her classroom anytime. We wandered through all the important areas. He was enthralled by the instruments in the music room, impressed by the computer lab, and awed by the size of the gym. Mostly though, he was excited about the pool. It was a very positive trip and he is excited about starting the school year, so it was all good. If you happen to think of it, try sending some positive thoughts to my husband at around 11:00 EST tomorrow morning. That's when he'll be starting his first exam! |
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