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 |   Reflections and ruminations from a modern day Alice - Life is Wonderland |
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Reflections and ruminations from a modern day Alice - Life is Wonderland  Welcome to the place were I chronicle my own falls down dark holes and adventures chasing white rabbits! Come on In, Take a Bite, You Never Know What You May Find... "Curiouser and curiouser." Alice in Wonderland    |
| Age 14th – A Beautiful New Chapter Advances Jaden started high school this year at age 14th. She elected to attend our local town school, and at first, I questioned her motivations for passing up her slot at the beautiful, modern, technical high school she had first applied to. I worried she was making the decision for the wrong reasons, to remain close to her middle school boyfriend or because she doubted her ability to keep up with the accelerated academics during the abbreviated schedule inn between the trade instruction. After her 8th grade counselor reached out, I began to understand that her reasons were more closely tied to something else entirely. Sure, she insisted that she was interested in pursuing education and most certainly, a more traditional pathway would give her a better opportunity to move on to college. However, it was the way she talked about wanting to stay in her town that began to convince me this was a decision she was making with both her head and her heart. She is just starting her second trimester now as a freshman. After these first three months, I can admit with absolutely certainty that our daughter made the right call. She has made us so proud with the way she has put her academics first, finding the balance between taking on a sport and staying on top of her schoolwork. She has managed her time and her commitments with a maturity that has impressed me. Her grades have been outstanding. She has thrived in the independence-inducing environment of high school. I have been repeatedly impressed with her willingness to take on challenges and self-advocate when she needs to. One of the requirements I insisted on was that she go out for a sport in high school. The benefits of belonging to any team are countless. Even I had not expected that she would find a new passion for volleyball, and not to mention, the kinds of friends that fill my heart with joy. She has been drawn to the natural camaraderie built into the sport, and the team has become a new kind of home for her, a community within a community, which has been wonderful to watch. She has worked hard her freshman season, getting better with every match and defining herself as the best kind of athlete and teammate…loyal, dedicated, encouraging, coachable and determined. She has battered the siding on the house with her endless practicing, but I have grown to love the sound of her peppering in the driveway and the satisfying “thwack’” when one of her practices serves hits the mark. I have loved the times our house has been filled with girl ballers, enthusiastically playing on their knees in our living room or making sundaes in our kitchen. I will never forget the moment I found them all, 8 or 9 girls, gathered around on her bed, animated and laughing. Jaden looked so happy, like she was exactly where she was supposed to be at this time in her young life. I backed out of the room before I could be overcome by my own happy tears. My beautiful, reserved daughter has struggled with navigating friendships. She had been hurt and disappointed in the past, and I feared it would leave her guarded. For a while, she had floundered, seemingly lost. I know she struggled with loneliness. She made choices to be by herself, rather than be someone’s second or third choice, and that had exposed her to feeling isolated and alone for a long time. By the time she graduated from middle school, she had found better footing, and we both had looked at high school with hope for a fresh start. Watching her with her teammates, I see that hope reflected back at me in her smile and in the animated way she talks about school. She smiles a lot now; on the court, on the sidelines, in the stands and in the concession line at football games, in the back of my car sandwiched between her friends. I labor under no illusions that high school will be a cake walk. It will bring challenges; it will be harder at times than anything she’s done before. I worry all the time about her, but I’ve also learned, she’s stronger than I give her credit for sometimes. She’s growing every day into her own person, building a landscape for herself of things she loves, things she won’t accept or tolerate, things she thinks are worth waiting for, and things she wants for herself and the kind of people she wants in her life. For me, I am thoroughly enjoying age 14. I love being a volleyball mom, a high school booster, getting to experience her with her friends. I loved the excitement of her first homecoming. I love the way she is discovering herself each day, defining herself and what it means to be a high schooler. I’m excited for her at every moment, and I want her fully live in this time without holding back. We recently did a stint working concessions at a home football game. It seemed that half the town was in attendance, and I experienced first-hand, the feeling of belonging to a place, not just the town, but the community. I think that was what my daughter had been looking for all along. I believe she feels that she belongs here, and that’s a wonderful thing. At 14, she is still very much a typical teenager. She prefers to spend time in her room. We have to coerce and drag her to things. She is moody and not always forthcoming in details about what’s going on in her life. She doesn’t like when I nag her, or when her Dad tells her she’s got an attitude. The fleeting moments of voluntary affection are few and far between. However random, the times she launches into conversation, or peppers me with sincere questions or graces me with her undivided attention, are moments to be treasured. They are memories to be savored and squirreled away, a growing body of evidence that we are doing a good job with raising our young human. I love my daughter unconditionally, but I am truly enjoying her at this stage..something that both surprises me and gives me great and remarkable joy. |
| "Blogging Circle of Friends " Open in new Window. Day 3656 November 7, 2024 We're all going to pass at some point in time, which piece of your own writing would you like to be remembered by/with. If not a piece of writing what other remembrance would you choose? I remember when I found out I was expecting, I had a lot of questions. I discovered that far too often, the answers were "I don't really remember", whenever I queried other women about their pregnancy journey or questions about their child's developments. I promised myself that I would try my best to document my experiences of carrying my daughter, her birth and all the various milestones and cornerstone memories as she aged. For the most part, I have at least one entry/blog reflecting on each year of her life since her birth. My plan is to compile them into a book for her one day, so she will have my testimony of what it was like to be her mother and be part of her life's journey. From time to time, I reread them. I believe they are a gift to myself, as much as for her. I get to relive all my most precious memories of this life with her - the challenging years and the beautiful moments. Those entries are the writings I would most like to be remembered for. "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise" Open in new Window. Day 2378 November 7, 2024 Prompt: "Patience is learned through waiting. " Eyen A. Gardner Write about this in your Blog entry. I am not good at patience. It is not a virtue I would ever claim to possess. I agree with the quote in the sense that sometimes, when given no choice but to wait, we discover we have more patience then we might think we have. It is uncomfortable to wait on someone else, to not have the control over the pace and march of time. |
| "Blogging Circle of Friends " Day 3600 September 9, 2024 Halloween Or Samhain is in 53 days. What costume do you think will be the most popular in 2024? Why? With Halloween only 53 days in the future, I can imagine that the upcoming election will invade almost every aspect of our lives...Halloween will be no exception. I fully anticipate getting a few Donald Trumps at my door. For the extra achievers, I can see them pulling together a Tim Waltz costume complete with a wild, white wig, and a pair of sneakers. I do believe that the most popular costumes will take their cue from the Beetlejuice sequel, out just in time to inspire and delight. Truth be told there are a lot of options. Trick or treaters can try to pull off the green wig and moldy skin of the big guy himself, and strut about in his signature black and white striped suit. Lydia's gothic, bright red wedding gown makes another Samhain-worthy choice. We might even get a sand worm or two! "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise" Day 3209-- September 9, 2024 Prompt: Dreams What do you think about dreams in general? And if you wish to elaborate, what recurring themes or symbols appear in your dreams? Are there any patterns you can identify? Dreams are tricky. On the one hand, I tend to believe that they are the clearing house for the mind. I have often dreamed about random things, snatches from the waking world that I believe my mind has processed and then decided not to retain. The dream is like a mental roomba, roaming around in one's pink matter, collecting all the pointless gibberish we've acquired by moving about the world, and then purging it to make room for other, more important thoughts. Once in a while I'll wake from a vivid dream that leaves me feeling like I've just experienced something prophetic. I don't know whether that's divine intervention, or just my mind pulling together important messages and constructing them in the way that I can best interpret. If that is true of some dreams, then what are nightmares? Are they thinly veiled warnings? I used to dream that my teeth were falling out in alarmingly frequently when I was a teenager. I was so disturbed by it that I looked in up in a bunch of books. There were a wide variety of interpretations...from loss of a loved one, to loss of personal security and stability to it being a symbol of great change, to a reflection of inaction when facing a challenge. I'm to sure if any of those explanations fit but eventually the dreams stopped. |
| Tonight there is a girl down the hall, painstakingly braiding her hair in anticipation of her first day of high school. The house is so quiet, it seems as if her intense concentration is holding all of us in a suspended state of animation. I am furiously jotting words onto paper, the scritchity-scratch of my pen is almost offensively loud. Its all I can think to do, transcribe everything I am feeling, my ink therapy on full display. I'm feeling restless and un-moored. My daughter is just hours away from taking the next big step, embarking on the most significant four years in her life. I believe we must be filled with the same angst and excitement in equal measure. Monday night, during an orientation that ran too long, I watched her bouncing her leg with manic energy. Her toe tapped a staccato beat on the auditorium floor that seemed timed to the march of questions in my head; Have I told her enough about how all this counts? ....Will she be able to make good friends? Will she put herself out there enough? Will she tell us if she needs help? How is our little girl in high school already? Where did all the years go? Where did all the time go? The last question hurts the delicate place in my heart that belongs only to her. A place created when her heartbeat first reverberated through my body like something cosmic and divine, forever altering my universe. I am consumed by the urge to go to her with more reassurances and advice, suddenly convinced that I haven't prepared her well enough for this step. She's sitting in front of her mirror, the low rumble of music coming from her phone. Her clothes are laid out for the morning, her volleyball gear and backpack and water bottle, all set and ready. She turns those green eyes to me, but all my words won't come as easily as they flowed for me before. They fail me now, balling up inside me and squeezing the air from my lungs. I sit down across from her and just watch for her for a few moments. My daughter looks composed, contentedly going through her evening routine. I marvel that she has grown into a confident, beautiful young woman right in front of my eyes. I realize that tomorrow may be harder for me than it will be for her. She's ready. She's got this. I know she does. And if she ever doesn't, I know she will tell me. There will be plenty of time for advice and reassurances over these next four years. For now, I take my thoughts to bed with me where they become the prayers all mothers say for their daughters. |
| "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise" Day 3049--March 26, 2024 Prompt: Rainy Days What does the phrase "rainy days" mean to you? And what’s your favorite way to spend a rainy day? There have been many rainy days in my neck of the woods as of late. As much as I enjoy a good soaking rain, I'd prefer to experience them with little less frequency. I miss the sunshine. I love the warm, rainy days of summer - when the sun breaks out just after a passing shower. There's always a thrill to a good thunderstorm you can watch from the safety of the kitchen windows or the monsoon rains that create large puddles and pools you can splash too. In winter months, rain can be of the freezing variety, which no one enjoys. In all cases, rain is best enjoyed with some coffee and a good book, even a small fire if its chilly. Rain can be a reprieve from yard work but also an excuse to catch up on folding laundry. I much prefer to curl up and read, or on rainy Sunday mornings, retreat back to bed with another cup of coffee and be a little lazy. "Blogging Circle of Friends " Day 3453: March 26, 2024 Prompt: “Bees do have a smell, you know, and if they don't they should, for their feet are dusted with spices from a million flowers.” Ray Bradbury, Dandelion Wine Bees...I just love bees. They are so important to our well-being and the overall health of the planet. I once read that hobby bee keepers are essential to supporting the bee population. I have long wanted a small bee hive in my yard. I love the idea of harvesting honey and filling my landscape with plants for the busy pollinators. My family venomously disagrees. My husband and daughter are scared of bees, even my very favorite, those buzzy, fat bumble bees. They have an amazing social structure and language and I really think they are fascinating. |
| "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise" Day 3048--March 25, 2024 Prompt: Five Senses and Spring Describe something(s) you experience with each of your senses every spring, and/or write about what an ideal spring day could be like. Here in the Northeast, it should be Spring. The last week weeks have been cold and blustery. We did experience a uncharacteristic week of very Spring-like weather around the last week in Feb. I'll have to draw inspiration from that time while I wait for the season to catch up a bit! Sight - Spring brings the most beautiful blue skies. Its a bright, cerulean expanse punctuated by fluffy looking tufts of white clouds. We see troops of fat, red-breasted robins crisscrossing the yard or digging for worms between the new green shoots of daffodils and lilies just emerging from the winter's slumber. Taste - Spring tastes like the those first of the season farmers markets, crisp lettuces and early onions. It tastes like those first few meals grilled outside after the cold weather fare of stews and roasts. Touch - I love sitting on the deck, and tilting by face into the warm rays of Spring sunshine. You can feel its heated fingers reaching out across the boards and pooling at your bare feet. Smell - There is definitely a smell to Spring. There is a new sweetness to the air, a composition of new buds and fledgling plants. Spring smells like fresh grass and you eagerly throw open the window welcome the scents in. I'm a child of Fall but Spring comes in as a not too distant 2nd favorite. Spring in New England always seems like a celebration of life after a long, hard Winter. "Blogging Circle of Friends " Day 3452: March 25, 2024 Prompt: “The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.” J.M. Barrie, The Little White Bird To have faith is to have wings, is such lofty phrasing. I would also argue that we can fly which, especially in my case, requires great faith. I work in the private aviation sector. Each time I have exhausted all other travel methods and have to resolve to fly, I find myself leaning on prayers and promises to God until I am back on the ground again. I am not a comfortable flyer. I see what the aircraft look like in their various states of repair. I know first hand how the airplanes are a collection of man-made bolts, slabs of metal and technological wonders but nothing at all divine, nothing sanctioned by heavens. They are machines, amazing and capable machines that we use to soar like birds. I know people who live to fly. I have clients who even describe it as being "close to God and Heaven itself". I respect their passion. I respect their faith in the machine and in the ability of the pilots who fly them. I just do not share their enthusiasm. I can appreciate how far aircraft have come, I can marvel at the human ingenuity and the craftsmanship. I prefer to stay grounded. I think we only have so many prayers in this life we can make and I fear I could use them all up if I am called to fly too often!  ** Image ID #1774840 Unavailable **  |
| "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise" Day 3041--March 18, 2024 Prompt: Luck Since it was St. Patrick's Day, yesterday, what do you think of the lucky Irish? Or if you wish, write your thoughts on the theme of luck and how it has played a role in your life. I love the concept of the lucky of the Irish. My ancestors are French Canadian and, from what I can tell, none of them benefited from any culturally divined good fortune. I was always jealous of those who could claim Irish blood, with their "Kiss me I'm Irish" buttons and t-shirts. St Patrick's day always seemed like a fun holiday and the Irish appear to know how to enjoy life and have fun. I'm not sure I would attribute much to "luck" in my life. I'm a planner, and a plotter. I think that's true for a lot of people. I'd be largely uncomfortable leaving things to "luck". I must rather have a say in my own destiny. I wouldn't mind finding a pot of gold though...could really use something like that... Blogging Circle of Friends " Day 3445: March 18, 2024 Prompt: Use these words in your entry: silkworm, corruption, fledgling, rooster, coincidence, and wench. Sir Henry Mack, the beautiful bantam rooster, perched outside her open window and crowed the sun into the sky as if his life depended on it. Tonya was yanked from a particularly rousing dream where she'd been enjoying life as a busty pirate wench playing opposite to a dashing, dark pirate captain with a penchant for rum. Visions of the fledgling but spicy tryst faded as Sir Henry continued his unforgiving crowing assault. She sat up into a world of pain, courtesy of the bottle of Patron she'd managed to polish off last night in the wake of her latest breakup. Tonya had nursed her broken heart with expensive tequila, greasy tacos and a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon. It was no small coincidence that she'd spent the night fantasizing about pirate love on the high seas! She dragged herself to her feet, swearing off cowboys and tequila as she padded to the window to toss a slipper at Sir Henry. Why did she do this to herself? What kind of corruption ate away at her heart, leading her again and again to the doorsteps of men who could not be true? Why did she insist on falling in love with men for whom she was never enough? Somewhere in the distance, her cell phone chimed. She fumbled in the comforter until she found it. She noticed with a fresh bolt of heartache, that her screen saver was still a picture of Will from their last weekend getaway, shirtless and devastatingly handsome. Her stomach rolled and she fought past the urge to vomit. Tonya noticed she had a email notification from a silkworm1570@aol.com. Who the hell still used aol? Tonya thought. She tore the comforter off the bed, wrapped in around her and opened the email. You don't know me but I have a message for you from a mutual friend, the email began... |
| "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise" Day 3037 March 14, 2024 Prompt: "I'm intimidated by the fear of being average." Taylor Swift Write about what intimidates you for your Blog entry today. I had to have a good hard think about what intimidates me. It would not be something I would come into contact with in my daily routine. I work in industry that is still pretty male-dominated and women in my position are few and far between. I'm not easily intimidated, I can't afford to be. Having said that, I work with a lot of exceptional people. It is sometimes intimidating to become engaged in a conversations with them, knowing they are so very successful in their specific industries. When I am unfamiliar with the material, I can feel out of sorts and intimidated about holding my own in a discussion. I usually fess right up and admit that I know less about the stock market or investing than I should...to take the pressure off me. "Blogging Circle of Friends " Day 3441 March 14, 2024 Who celebrates Pi Day? Every year on March 14, math fanatics and food lovers unite to celebrate Pi Day, a holiday that's dedicated to the lengthy mathematical number that most people abbreviate to 3. 14.. What's your favorite pie? Do you bake them yourself? Or go for the premade pies at the store? Pie...the dessert that I always rely on others to bake and bring. I am intimidated by making pies. I think its prob the crust, it seems like something one could easily screw up. There is something comforting about pie, something ultra-American. My grandmother used to make a lemon meringue pic with high, white crests of sweetness, it was a favorite of mine and a close second to the sweet/tart Key Lime pies from a tiny place in Key west that I've forgotten the name of. I do like a good cherry pie, those are harder to find though. My husband likes blueberry pies made with those small, dark, sweet Maine blueberries but he ruins it by heating it up and drowning it in ice cream. I prefer dutch apple or as its sometimes called, Apple Crumb. It tastes like Fall, my favorite season. |
| "Blogging Circle of Friends " DAY 4028 February 29th, 2024 What are five things you believe about yourself? I struggle with prompts like this because they are very introspective. I have to be careful to write about things I truly believe about myself, rather than things I wish were true about myself. But here goes.... I believe I know unconditional love. I believe it exists because of my daughter. Becoming a mother has convinced me that you can love someone completely, without questions or conditions. It is a powerful knowledge, one that both empowers and humbles you all at the same time. It is not the same love you feel for a life partner, a parent or as sibling...it is the love you can only experience for a child you have prayed and dreamed into being. I believe in a higher power, I believe I am a person of faith even if my definitions of God have changed over the years. At heart, when I pray I still see the bearded face of a man, the benevolent son from the stained glass windows of my catholic upbringing. I believe when I have prayed, my prayers have often been answered, especially when I have prayed for strength in times of trial. I believe through faith, our loves ones that are lost, can come back to us and that is a greatest comfort my faith delivers for me. I believe the bad things I have been through have made me stronger. I believe that every scar over my heart has made me wiser, has fortified me in some way. For every low moment, I have been able to draw a parallel to a moment when I have experienced a greater high. The violence I suffered at the hands of one man, enabled me to find the gentleness, protective nature of another. The grief of one loss, has made it possible for me to fully appreciate new love, new hope. Even the worst moments of our journey are purposeful. That has been true for me, and that belief has helped me navigate the bad times. I believe that true friends are far and few in this life and that if you have even one person, you are blessed. A true friend rejoices in your joys and shares in your pain and grief. A true friend will always be connected to you, to the person you have been and the person you will become through all the stages of your life. I believe I am both a true friend to someone as they are to me. I know if I pick up the phone she will answer, open and ready to be whatever I need...a confidante, a supporter, a shoulder to cry on or a cheerleader. I love and appreciate her, as I know she does me. I am eternally grateful for her presence in my life. I believe that my writing is the gift that has saved me, time and time again. My ability to pour my emotions into electronic ink has kept be saner than any therapy ever has. I believe that my ability to transcribe my fears, my dream and my fantasies into words has given me the creative outlet I have needed to feel fulfilled. I believe that writing is my craft, my lifeblood. It grounds me in the way nothing else ever had. Blog City Day 3023 February 29, 2024 Prompt: Leap Year Day. Write something about Leap Year for your Blog entry today. I had to google Leap Year to get some background. It is on of the rarest day to be born on, 1/1461 chance for example. Regardless, 4.8 million people globally share a leap day birthday and they are collectively called Leaplings. Who knew? Obviously not me. Apparently in Ireland, Leap Day is the day women are able to propose to men...which seems risky since some cultures consider it a day plagued by bad luck. Its one of those things that I've rarely given much thought too. I imagine being born in a Leap Year is only marginally less convenient than being born on Christmas Day. |
| "Blogging Circle of Friends " Day 4027: February 28, 2024 Prompt: “Even though February was the shortest month of the year, sometimes it seemed like the longest.” JD Robb What do you think? Does February seem like the longest month of the year? Where I live in coastal New England, January and February are sometimes lovingly referred to as the two "months of suck". This year those months have definitely lived up to that moniker. January has a minor redemption built in because it kicks off with the New Year's day holiday, but by mid-month, the joyful holiday euphoria is a distant memory and Spring is a promise too far off. February, though shorter, seems to be an entire Winter long with its endless weeks of cold snaps and daylight that vanishes before 5pm. This year we have had milder weather which has made it slightly easier to bear but it is still easily everyone's least favorite page on the calendar. March looms large with the promise of brighter mornings, a harbinger to the Spring waiting just around the corner. "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise" Day 3022 February 28, 2024 Prompt: What are 3 things you appreciate about nature? Nature awakens each morning in degrees. I love that time just before sunrise when the world wakes up in the dim light. Mornings are peace for me, whether I wake to find the ground covered in bright new snow, or find my feeders full of early activity, colorful yellow finches and the occasional buzz of the visiting hummingbirds. There are some rare mornings when that first light has a certain quality in the way it coats the branches and stretches across the across the fields, an almost unearthly brilliance that makes you stop and hold your breathe and take stock of the world and your place it in. Nature is fierce. There is a power in the surf during a storm, or in the wind that rocks the tops of the tallest trees. If Natures is the warrior, then weather is her weapon. There is a terrible vulnerability exposed when its nature verses man. With all our science and technology, we are still completely at the mercy of where a tornado touches down, or where a storm's destructive reach can take out causeways and erode entire beaches in a single afternoon. Who isn't even a little fascinated by the thunderstorms with the booms and crashes you can feel in your chest and the lightening that splits the night skies in silver arcs? Nature persists. I think that is perhaps my most favorite thing about it. It perseveres. I have always found something beautiful in the way a forest will reclaim an abandoned amusement park or collapsing barn. Or the way a coral reef absorbs a sunken ship, laying claim to it with new growth. Barnacles and sea fans can camouflage an old cannon so that it you have to look past new beauty to see the traces of the old lines and shapes. Nature comes back from ravaging wild fires, new green shoots rising from ashen soil. There is a comfort for me in knowing nature cannot be triumphed over. It is a powerful reminder that our time here is temporary and the old world under our feet is taking daily measure of how we spend it. |
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