Forget

From the point when you are a mindless child to a grown adult to an old grandparent, your brain picks up things, even the smallest things. They come to be known as memories. There are all types of memories. They can be happy; they fill you with joy and warmth whenever you bring them to your mind. There are sad ones as well, though, and I have one myself. It is forever imprinted into my head, and I would rather not remember it at all.

There are times in your life when you want to forget. To curl up in a ball, and have it all taken away. Everything around you is dissolving into nothingness, and there is only you and your raw pain. Mine haunts me every night, and I just wish I could have been enough. He had always said he would be there for me, but he lied. That's what hurt me the most: his refusal to tell me the truth. Instead, I had to find out myself, and leaving him was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

I wanted to forgive him, to tell him that is was all okay, but there are times in life when things can't be forgiven. If I could make myself forget what he did to me, then I would be with him right now. True, I am only a teenager, but you are never too young to love someone. I loved him, I really did, but you can't love a liar. Years ago, someone asked me what the most important thing was in a relationship. Granted, I was only twelve, but I immediately had my answer: Honesty. How can there be a relationship when it may not even be real? So, I have told the truth all my life. And that's why it pains me to be honest with myself.

He had been playing me. Everything we had was just something I had built in my mind. I thought he was some prince on a white horse in my fairytale. I thought we would have a happily ever after of riding into the sunset. I thought that my life could be just like the movies. It was all wrong; I had been wrong about all of it. And I wanted to forget.

You couldn't understand how much I wished I had been right; that everything could be just like before. That I hadn't walked into that room that night. That I had just accepted it when he said he couldn't come over because he was sick. That I hadn't decided to surprise him with a box of "Get Well" candies. I want to be truthful, so here it goes. I would rather still be oblivious, happy, and toyed with than feel this pain. It's unbearable, and all I want is for it to go away. To forget ever seeing him with her. To still be living in my princess story.

But no. Instead, I am stuck here with my memory. If it could just leave, even for the slightest moment, I might feel complete again. One might say that I could just take him back, that all guys go astray some time in their relationship. It's not that simple, though. I don't want just any relationship where your mate is your prize because you got him instead of someone else. That's not how it's supposed to be. I want something special- where there's love, honesty, and trust. That's what I want, and I thought I had it.

I've asked myself a thousand times. Should I keep trying? Is my prince out there looking for me? Will all the sorrow, pain, and misery go away when he just touches my hand? Can I still have a happily ever after?

Now, as I tell you about my yearning to forget my agonizing memory, my answer is:

Yes.