My Mask

I feel trapped. She keeps me closed in so tight. You don't know me. And you probably never will.
My name is Charlene and I wear a mask. I put it on everyday 24 hours a day 7 days a week. 365 a year. If you knew who I really was you would judge me, you would hate me, you wouldn't love me.

I feel her pain but I can do nothing to help her. She won't let me. Her fears are irrational and they don't make sense to me. We are one, we are the same person. 

I feel so different from other people. I am not they same. Yet I try to blend so beautifully.  I blend well. If I don't stand out than people won't notice me. If I keep all my secrets to myself I won't have to explain them. If I hide myself than no one could ever find me.

She's so scared of her feelings. She's so afraid of being judged. She's so tired of feeling unwanted. If only she would let me out.  If only she felt like she could trust someone enough to be me.

If I keep my guard up I never have to let anyone in. If I keep my guard up my world will stay in order. If I keep my guard up I will stay in control of my life, people, and the things surrounding me.

If she wasn't such a control freak. I could come out and play. If she would lose her inhibitians I could come out and play. If she relaxed a little I could come out and play.

I have to stay focused. Can't lose my grip. I don't have anyone to fall back on. I don't have any one to depend on. Can't forget to grasp every oppurtunity and to concentrate on my next move.

If only she felt free enough to lose her cool. To get a little messy, to get a little dirty, to be the real me.