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7 Public Reviews Given
13 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Chapter 4 - Trapt  Open in new Window.
Review by Vir Novum Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
"The other half was lying to the unconscious rebel."

I don't understand this sentence. Oh, never mind, I get it, the other half was lying NEXT to the unconscious rebel.

Many questions have I for you. Why did he go from knowing nothing to being almost entirely aware of what was going on in his surroundings? Why would the girl automatically assume he didn't know what year it is? Why did you switch from present tense in Chapter 1 to past tense in the other parts?
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Review by Vir Novum Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like it. The tone feels like a frantic dream. I think you should change the sentence "In fact, a skyscraper fell only minutes after I walked right by it." to "A skyscraper collapses in on itself right before my eyes.", or something similar that doesn't change from present to past.
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