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236 Public Reviews Given
236 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Illegal Alien  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
REVIEW

Overall: LOL!! Wait, I'm trying not to fall off my chair. Really funny. I wish I had written this.

Positive Notes: Funny, well written, and visually clear.

Suggestions: Keep up the good work!

Errors/typos: {/bCouldn't find any.

Those damned aliens are always showing up where they're not wanted, right! LOL
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Review of Happy Plants  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
REVIEW

Overall: Lots of information without being verbose.

Positive Notes: Very well detailed and explained. I learned things about caring for plants I would otherwise not have if I had not read this essay.

Suggestions:

1. A large chunk breaks off into you mouth [your mouth]
.2. Seeing bright green leaves every morning when I wake up always brings a grin to my face. There is a certain presence that all living things emanate, even plants, that makes me feel like I have some company, a few leafy companions to greet me when I come home. [I recommend a paragraph break after "face." and before "There" and making these two separate paragraphs.
3. I would recommend the same for a paragraph break before "When I used to go camping as a child"
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Review of In the moment  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
REVIEW

Overall: Good but it needs work.

Positive Notes: Thought provoking idea.

Suggestions: Besides the following corrections, I suggest centering and color to add emphasis to your poems.

A moment just like any,
it can be a good one
or a bad one we'll live with.

No matter we must go on,
just as we've been taught
to go on with our lives.

We cannot dwell on the past
our decision has been made,
there's no point to keep on thinking of a moment.

Sometimes a moment
becomes the memory that helps you
through a rough patch.

A moment can be so sweet
it makes us weak and we may cry
for the times when there was ease.

But a moment just like that
becomes a memory
which we can hold close or have distant.
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Review of Christmas  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
REVIEW

Overall: Enjoyable and merry

Positive Notes: Nice use of your words to express merriment.

Suggestions: saviors should be Savior's
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
REVIEW

Overall: As areading material, it was not necessarily highly interesting.

Positive Notes: It was great you tried to give both sides coverage.

Suggestions: It needed more facts and evidence for each argument.

Errors/typos: {/bNone, but I have questions:

1. "It has been proven that the brain is not fully functional until about ten in the morning." By whom?
2. "It is a known fact that the body is not as functional when it is tired than when it is fully rested and energized." Known to whom?
3. "In addition to not getting the recommended hours of sleep, staying up late has many negative health effects. By staying up late into the night, many sleeping disorders can occur, and it has also been known to cause insomnia." You really only included one thing as evidence.
4. Was there any evidence that students did better on classes later on in the day, as compared to earlier?
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
REVIEW

Overall: Well, it is just sweet, isn't it?

Positive Notes: Good rhythm and pattern to the word usage. I like the repetition of the phrase "when I miss you."

Suggestions: For effect, I suggest choosing a color for the fonts, and centering it,

Errors/typos: {/b None.
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Review of Leap of Faith  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
REVIEW

Overall: I get a strong sense of determination from your poem.

Positive Notes: I felt a pattern, a heartbeat of sorts to the way you used your language. Very enjoyable.

Suggestions: Only one correction that I think is needed.

Errors/typos: {/b
You said, "Her heart and soul were forged in the deepest hottest fire."
It should say, "Her heart and soul were forged in the deepest, hottest, fire."
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Review of I Remember  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
REVIEW

Overall: A moving rendition, definately in the manner inspired.

Positive Notes: The use of language was poignant and powerful.

Suggestions: Attention to grammar is necessary. I included examples below.

Errors/typos:

1. "bent down to great me" should be, "greet"
2. "I stayed in that strange, damp smelly and noisy house." This should be, "I stayed in that strange, damp, smelly, and noisy house."
3. "feeling lonely, scared and just " should be, "feeling lonely, scared, and just "
4. "head 'for stealing.' He said." should be, head "for stealing," he said.
5. "Paul's head bounce of every stair," should be, "Paul's head bounce off every stair,"
6. "and rand down her legs." should be, "and ran down her legs."
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Review of The dark wolf  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
REVIEW

Overall: A great attempt at projecting power through words.

Positive Notes: I enjoyed how you used your words descriptively.

Suggestions: A couple of typos need attention.

Errors/typos:

I looked at you and you were nothing
Your soul was gone and you had turned pale
I looked into your eyes that had turned so dark
Your energy was terrifying
I ran away from you because you scared me
And maybe you are dangerous
I don’t know what was real or not with you
My best and worst memories of you are how you looked at me at different times
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
REVIEW

Overall: Marcelino, my good man, I applaud your effort to write in the style of the epistles from the Bible.

Positive Notes: The general pattern and style of writing were attractive.

Negative Notes: It needs much work regarding grammar. You have many run-on sentences, typos, and errors.

Errors/typos: Here is just one example:

You wrote: "Greetings to my fellow brethren, who, by God’s grace, endures all of the tempests and the jolts in the lands all the years."

In and of itself, this sentence makes no practical sense. There should be no comma between "who" and "by." And, the word "endures" should be "endure." What are "jolts in the lands?"
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
REVIEW

Overall: The story has potential.

Positive Notes: The story has potential, but the grammatical errors distract. It needs a little bit more "fleshing" out.

Suggestions: It needs a lot of attention, grammar-wise. (see below) Also, focus on "showing" and not "telling" as you describe things.

Errors/typos:

1. "ended at the caf She had been living" should be "ended at the cafe. She had been living"
2. "what seemed like forever she was" should be "what seemed like forever, she was"
3. " wanted to travel. Now she" should be " wanted to travel, and now she"
4. "But being the sensible" should be "But, being the sensible"
5. "a little extra money just in case." should be "a little extra money, just in case."
6. "to make some new friends too." should have a return inserted to separate it from the next paragraph.

And this was just the first paragraph.
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
REVIEW

Overall:Uh, well, let's see ... So how was his desire to remain at home and help his parents with the churning forever met?

Positive Notes: The story was simple and the plot relatively obvious. This is another take on an old and too often used plot.

Negative Notes:The concept was not carefully thought out. Plus, much of it was told in the "telling" mode, as compared to the "showing" mode.

Errors/Typos:You said, "He hummed and he hawed." The correct quote is, "hemmed and hawed."


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Review of TRAPPED  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
REVIEW

Overall: The story feels rushed. Like you did it in a hurry and threw it onto your portfolio. Also, try separating the paragraphs or indenting the start of the paragraphs.

Positive Notes:

Negative Notes: There many parts which could use some TLC and careful attention, grammar-wise. I have included an example below. Also, you should consider writing in the "show" mode as compared to the "tell" mode. This means to describe the characters feelings and actions in a way that those things tell us what going on instead of just telling us what going on.

Errors/typos: Example of the above:

1. "The morning was very cold, the sun was rising, its colour beautifully reflected behind the mountains. Winter was giving was to spring. Some trees had recovered from the cold winter season. Fresh green leaves were developing their branches. Brand new grass was emerging from the ground. Spring had finally arrived after an ice cold winter."

A rewrite with some TLC could be this way "The morning sky was painted with blue and white streaks from one end to the other, as the clouds floated above a shivering earth. The glow of the sun was only one thing that indicated winter was nearing its end. Along with that, the leaves on the trees were beginning to gain their brown and green hues of spring, as the ground peek out behind melting patches of snow."

I hope this is helpful.
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
REVIEW

Overall: The story is nice. The plot was obvious. Your followthrough worked well.

The one main thing I think would have made the story better would have been to tell it in the "showing, and not telling" mode. For example,

You wrote: "I woke up to my dad knocking on my door, letting me know that it was time for me to wake up."

Maybe it could have been: My eyes snapped open due to the sound of knocking at the door. My dad's voice called out to me to "wake up," but it was the voice in my head that said, "time to get up."

I hope I was helpful.
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Review of Misbelief  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I enjoyed the story, but a couple of parts threw me. One example is where Faye argues that she is "I’m stupid and fat and I look ugly." This was not as believable as other parts. I can see that she would be shy and not completely believe that she was "beautiful," but the way you portrayed her at first gave me the impression that she was happier. That would not be true of someone who thinks they are ugly.

On the other hand, James seemed a selfish man, who wants to satisfy his own needs. He proves that by abandoning the twins, to go on date in a field with someone he just met. What's up with that?

The bold letters make the reading a tough one. I would have gone with a more readable font.
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
REVIEW

Overall: I got the impression that English is not your first language. Nevertheless, some of the words you chose were odd.

Positive Notes: Your message came across just fine.

Negative Notes: The use of awkward language threw the poem for me.

Errors/typos: Below is one example of what I am saying.

"his mere existence would mean world to me"
That would be better if it said, "his mere existence would mean the world to me"
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Review of Depression  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Dear BQ,

As a counselor of thirty years, I can understand the darkness and futility expressed in this piece. You have done an adequate job of expressing something, even many persons who have suffered from depression for many years, have trouble explaining to themselves.

As the author of 16 books, I found some problems with the piece. I recommend using Grammarly to help with many of the normal issues writers have.

I believe you could greatly improve your piece with just a careful rereading, with an eye to spot inconsistencies and rough areas. I included some which may help you review the piece yourself and find more.

1. "prevailing over skies of hope" The blank space serves no obvious purpose.
2. "clock beside my bed, It's 3:45 am" you do not capitalize a word after a comma, unless it is a name or title, for the most part.
3. "Talk about this issue with them and show Sympathy." Capitalizing "sympathy" in this case was wrong.
4. "Every hope vanishing, every dream shattering, cloak-like hands surrounding, each stretch ravaging any desire to live as I anticipated it to be my end with all hopes gone and desire to be alive vanquished by evil." That it too much to throw into one sentence. You could probably make two sentences of of that such as this: Every hope vanishing, every dream shattering, cloak-like hands surrounding, each stretch ravaging any desire to live. I anticipated it to be my end, with all hopes gone and desire to be alive vanquished by evil.
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
REVIEW

Overall: I liked it. I enjoyed the way you did the wordplay.

Positive Notes: I think your intended use of the word patterns worked. You could probably have continued that a bit further.

Negative Notes: Some grammatical problems which could have been found with a simple use of Grammarly.

Errors/typos: I rewrote your piece as an example of some of the corrections which may help improve it.

Up Beat, quick feet, downbeat, lose seat, Upturn, burnt lantern.

These words all have meaning In the things we do in everyday life.

We as humans are too quick on our feet to realize that we are too upbeat about issues that we can't control.
The truth is that we beat down each other just to see them lose their spirit, so we can take it over for our own.
So, by doing so, we start to lose our seat of reality.
We upturn the policies set in place to help us, and if we do want it soon, it will be like a burnt lantern with NO light to protect us from the evil within us.
We are too upbeat to move the quick ten feet it takes to get to a new higher calling, that is out there for us to take.
We start to get downbeat when it starts to defeat us, that's when we start to lose our seat of sanity.
We lose hope, we start to upturn everything to not have to be like that burnt lantern.
So stop and take a breath, don't be so upbeat or quick to your feet.
Play to your own downbeat, that way you don't lose your seat.
So don't upturn the world and become a burnt out lantern in a sea of memories.
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
REVIEW

Overall: I did not understand it. It seemed disjointed.

Positive Notes: Nice pattern to your usage of sentence structure.

Negative Notes: I did not understand it.

Errors/typos: None.
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Review of Waiting  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
REVIEW

Overall: Humorous and enjoyable. I'm 66 years old and this sounded even older. Sort of like a "Kodak Moment." I think it gives away your age, or you just have an "old" spirit. Thanks for writing this.

Positive Notes: I could "see" the story as you told it. Excellent ability of description.

Negative Notes: None.

Errors/typos: None.
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
REVIEW

Overall: Humorous and typical of people's nomal reactions to "love."

Positive Notes: It draws you in unexpectedly.

Negative Notes: Seems like it needs more of something. Feels too short.

Errors/typos: A few. I rewrote it with the corrections I found. Hope this helps somehow.

Now, everyone says college is fun-- and don't get me wrong, it is. There is a lot to do. Fun work out classes, study groups, clubs, and boys. Boys are where it always seems to go downhill for me. I didn't come to school thinking that I would fall in love with someone. I just assumed that, from past experience, maybe love wasn't for me. But, for some unknown reason, God placed a blonde-haired, blue-eyed angel in my life; his name, Ernie. It started out as just a simple friendship, but soon it developed into something more. He was like a drug for me, and then things then started to go downhill for us.

We were completely different, and yes, we had much in common, like a love for the Pittsburgh Penguins, Harry Potter, and Star Wars. He is handsome, athletic, tall, he has this sense of mystery. He is unlike anyone I had met before. Different, but the good kind. The love I had for him was unmatched to any other love I've ever given. He is strong and unafraid of anything. He made me feel safe. He built me up, as well as my dreams. He believed in me. But, for some reason, I pushed him away. When you have anxiety, you constantly think that you're going to be abandoned. Whenever you fall hard in love with a guy, it's hard to control that anxiety.

I would love to have this special person back in my life. Things are weird and I miss him. I normally don't talk about my issues or problems, and I probably should. But, whenever I was with him, everything seemed to melt away. He gives me fireworks still. When I hear his voice, or someone says his name, it puts chills throughout my body.

I know, I should probably fight to get him back, but I don't have any fight left in me. Being in love with someone like I was, it takes a lot out of you. I'm emotionally exhausted. I'll love him from a distance but I think he truly knows how much I love him.
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
REVIEW

Overall: I get the sense you like the ocean. *Smile* Kidding aside, this is an interesting expression of the effects of the ocean.

Positive Notes: While all poetry does not have to rhyme, some sort of pattern would have been nice.

Negative Notes: As poetry, it can take various forms, but it would have been nice of you to manipulate the sentences and group them somehow for esthetics.

Errors/typos:
No comma should after "rejuvenates the soul"
"the breeze caresses their cheeks"
"onto the surface of the water."
"It calls you when you..." no comma after "you."
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Review of Separations  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
REVIEW

Overall: I could not tell whether you wrote this just to write something, or whether you are seriously trying to write correctly.

Positive Notes:

Negative Notes: There are many grammatical errors which can easily be found and corrected just using the "Spelling & Grammar" feature in MS Word. Besides this, Grammarly offers a free version for personal use which is truly a fantastic help for writers.

Errors/typos: As an example I rewrote the first paragraph.

In the past two years, I have realized that no one is permanent in your life. People come and go. You cannot hang on to them thinking they will never leave. Even the best of relationships can break. People drift apart. Though it has now happened to me a few times, and I have come out stronger each time. However, it is as painful as the last time. Only, I think, the timeframe to deal with the pain reduces.
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Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
REVIEW

OVERALL: Enjoyable and sad at the same time.

POSITIVE NOTES: Excellent cadence, nice beat. Great job with the word pictures. I could almost hear the carnival sounds in the background.

NEGATIVE NOTES: gates (plural) and Eight (singular) did not match the best.

ERRORS/TYPOS: "When i'll be Forty Eight!" [i'll should be I'll]


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Review of The Night  Open in new Window.
Review by PastorJuan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
REVIEW

Overall: I have written and read many poems in my life. I do not remember a more powerfully written one as this one.

Favorite Line(s):
And forms twisted to shatter
As if dreaming of a tomorrow
When there was only that night

Positive note:You have a special gift. Please keep writing.

Negative note: None.

Errors/Typos:
None that I could find


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