This was a random review.
I enjoyed this, although I felt the writing was quite simplistic, possibly a story aimed at children?
I can think of a few humans I would like as pets! This story could the beginning of a series of stories 'the Martian and his pet' and their adventures.
Your poem really made me smile, I constantly think this is the day I will spend 'x' amount of time or write 'x' amount of words, then I go off as something has caught my attention and then I completely forget what I am meant to be doing!
You summed up these feelings really well, your writing style I enjoyed, flowed well - reading it allowed it just rolled off of my tongue.
Your poem flowed very well, thereis a consistency with the language used, some powerful images for example 'not tyrants fire nor villain's act.'
My opinion is this poem shows, very well, your passion for your subject.
As a whole, this Poem is passionate and intense, well written, with no spelling or grammatical mistakes.
Kiki
You already know I loved the chapters before this, and you have disappointed!
Although Liam does pop up at the most convenient times! Lol
Your writing was consistent with the last three chapters, your characters sharp and believable, I.e you haven't made ruben too good to be true.
As far as I could see no grammatical errors or spelling mistakes, but to be honest, I was too engrossed to bother looking.
I liked how you seamlessly put background into the story, it didn't seem awkward or out of place. scars parents have been touched on, and they seem to be an integral part of the narrative, it was nice to learn more of the fathers character.
I shouldn't y this to a writer but hurry up and write some more!
Wow, this gave me tingles.
Exquisitely written, beautiful imagery, perfect word choices. I found the whole thing absolutely stunning, you have a great talent.
Kiki
I don't know if it was your I tent, but your main man seems to come across as a bitter man, lots of regrets, I don't mean to offend, but is this character an alcoholic, or did he have a reliant on alcohol in the past, I ask this due to the references scattered through the narrative.
There are a few spelling mistakes, a minor point, easily done.
For me this narrative has a dark atmosphere, not in a horror story way, but in an emotional way.
It is apiece that I'm not sure if I like because of the dark atmosphere or I like it for the same reason.
The fact that you have made question this character and has left me unsure how I feel about the narrative, to me, means you have written a great piece!
Wow, I couldn't stop reading once I started, I'm really intrigued as to where this story is going, I have my own ideas, but it's not mine to tell!
I'm very interested as to why scar feels opposed to becoming a domestic, I understand she feels as though it is a form of slavery. The feeling I get is that it would be better than a lot of the other trades.
Your writing style flowed consistently through each chapter, you have drawn me in and I want to know more!
My only bug, is where did Liam appear from and why is he there??its a small thing but I want to know!
I am really impressed and looking forward to reading more.
Kiki
Hi again,!
You know I've really enjoyed your other chapters, it feels as this one was a bit rushed, it doesn't seem to have the depth of your previous chapters, which is a shame, as you have the foundations of a great story.
I (in my humble opinion) don't like the jump from her first class to the end of the school year, I think there is so much that could be learnt from some more detail, what magic did she learn? How did she feel about losing at every battle when learning magic obviously came very easily to her?
I'm liking your manin character, but feel he needs some more depth here. I'm afraid his 'forgetfulness' in his worries about Kelly is some what flimsy.
Please please keep on going with this story, I am excited to find out what happens to Kelly, but maybe this chapter could do with a re-write.
Kiki x
An enjoyable second chapter! You kept the pace from the first chapter running through to the end of the second, which is great.
My only, maybe not so positive point is when Kelly had her 'vision', (starting from 'Kelly knew the woman she walked in...') although written well, I felt you suddenly jumped into the vision and just as quickly jumped back out again, maybe this could be developed some what, to make it flow more within the whole text.
Again, I really enjoyed this, I forgot to say in my review of chapter one, that so far I like your idea and am looking forward to seeing where your story goes from this point.
I really enjoyed your first chapter! I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.
Just a few thoughts! For me, personally, I'd like to be able to picture Kelly and the mother superior, maybe a description of them both to go along with Kelly's red fiery hair(?) you may very well have your reasons for not describing either of them yet, it's just something that it'd personally like to see.
A couple of mis-spelt words, but nothing major, I think they may have stood out more because there were not many i.e prey instead of pray.
Is the healer Margaret or Margie? I know one is a shortening of the other, it just made me double check I was reading about the same person.
All in all, I was drawn in and want to read more!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kikihill
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 3:46am on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
