I read someone else's review of this and it made me curious.
I am sorry for your loss. But I'm happy that you have memories that make you laugh, even if one of those memories happened at the funeral.
My Mom's best friend married a man who owned a funeral home. It's surprising that someone from the funeral home didn't call to ask about the ill fitting suit.
Your poem rightly illustrates what it's like to have a parent who has an addiction and/or who lies all of the time. If this has been your personal experience, I'm sorry. And I get it.
I would suggest that you capitalize the word "I".
I know that young people like to not capitalize "I". And I understand that old people like myself are often bothered by this.
But I personally remember what one of my English teachers said in the 60s (when lots of us wanted to do everything opposite of the establishment).
She explained that we will have a better chance to survive and thrive in this world if we value ourselves. And, to her, capitalizing the letter "I" shows the world that you do.
Hmmm. You definitely wrote a complete story in few words. I'm always impressed by that. And you provided a surprise ending, one that could be considered funny. That's always impressive too.
I have to admit, though, that I was a tad uncomfortable with a story that makes fun of faith.
Still, it was well written, and I acknowledge that.
How funny. I think it's rather cute that a former flame - from 2 years ago! - saw some chopsticks and remembered that she loved Chinese food. The fact that her current beau also bought her some chopsticks is really funny.
This is a beautiful poem. I believe that you followed the prompt, but, frankly, as I started to read exactly what you were supposed to do and not do, I got a bit confused. I have to wonder if it's that I'm 72, or is it that I'm concerned about my breast cancer and my son's groin lump and hip replacement surgery coming up. I read it again and was still not clear.
But, I do know what I like, what sound good when I read it aloud. And this does.
You have called this fiction, but the idea behind this story is something that has happened to writers. It sounds like you have known a few of them.
I started writing as a kid, sitting in our backyard cherry tree. I had my first poem published when I was a senior in high school, and my first story published in my 20s.
When I was in my 40s, I started working for a midsized newspaper in Texas. Every young reporter asked me how many books I had written and how many I had published. They were quite surprised to find that I had never wanted to write a book. They couldn't imagine how a writer didn't want to write a book. But I did not.
I do know many who say that they want to write a book. My own hubby has been writing his book since the 80s. My son's dad spent his entire adult life putting ideas away for the book that he wanted to write. He passed away last year, the day after Christmas. He never wrote that book.
Sorry to go on. Your flash fiction did that. It made me sadly remember the many people who have never written the books that they said they wanted to write.
Thanks for sharing your creativity. I love reading short works of fiction that tell a complete story. Like yours.
I don't remember how old I was when metrics was introduced. But it only lasted one school year. I don't think that laziness had anything to do with us not joining the world using metrics. First off all, the United States was born to be different. Secondly, I believe at the time that government departments and businesses explained how expensive it would be to change everything. We tolerate having a few things, like 2 liter bottles of soda, to invade our lives.
Welcome to Writing.com. I hope that you enjoy it as much as I have. I've been here for 23 years!
I have never thought about the moon being female with a female voice. How interesting.
One suggestion: I think towards the end that you meant that she "yearns" for your company, not "urns".
Also, since you are given the opportunity to have 3 genres, I would suggest that you use 3. You never know how someone might search for something to read.
I enjoyed reading your poem aloud, the only way to read poetry. Right away, I noticed the different rhyme schemes. It was thoughtful of you to include an explanation about the particular form of poetry that you used.
I love that you teach math and enjoy writing as your creative relief.
That's some excellent advice. My hubby and I are total opposites in this. He wants everything to be exactly the same, day after day. I prefer spontaneity and trying new things. It makes for an interesting marriage. I have been able to get him to try some new foods. And I have learned to respect the few habits of his that will never change.
I enjoyed reading your piece about routines and new adventures.
I find it rather interesting that instead of doing what some people are likely to do - through the computer or smash it to bits - you write poems instead. Good for you!
I did find one line where you intended to write "here" and instead wrote "her".
Oftentimes, when we write poems about love lost or some other experience that comes with emotional wounds, we are writing to show ourselves how easy it is to survive. I got that impression from your writing, that you might have been giving yourself some advice and words of wisdom.
Your Haiku popped up when I hit the "Read and review" button.
I love that we can write seventeen syllables about nature and have it be a complete and beautiful depiction of them. You did that quite well. I do have to admit that I almost passed this one on by because I truly hate winter.
What is it about kids from 18 to 22ish. Even those who don't attend college seem to go through the same weird rebellion about food and dishes. Most used to know how to scrape their own food into the trash can.
You have explained your experience well. And you have reminded me about how others I've known, including my son and nieces and nephews have behaved as well.
Well done. You followed the prompt to write about the bad habits of being late, impatience and blaming others. And you expressed it in eight lines. As I read your poem aloud, I loved the rhythm and the rhymes.
Thanks for sharing your work of heart.
Blessings,
Kenzie
PS My son's dad horrible about being on time. For a short while, I actually lied to him about what time events were scheduled so that he would arrive on time. But I decided that having our son believe that lying was okay was not good for any of us.
What a wonderful collection of wisdom and whimsy. Particularly liked on Sunday, April 30th. " A nation that gets its knowledge and education from movies, stand-up comedy and entertainers, better not be a model for civilization."
You do have a knack for writing short stories. And for creating an excellent surprise ending.
I probably offer the highest praise for people who can share an entire story in fewer than 300 words.
I have always been too verbose. When I wrote letters to the editor, they were always supposed to be less than 300 words.I just couldn't manage that. But I was able to keep my ideas to less than 600 words, so our local newspaper printed them as guest columns, rather than letters to the editor. After having 6 such columns published, the editor offered me a job. Ironically, I started as his assistant, having to make sure that letter submissions followed the instructions of being less than 300 words, and editing them to meet that criteria if the editor found the topic to be timely.
Once again, you created an excellent contest entry. With the topic chosen, I commend you for not using the taboo word.
Although you have explained that this is fiction, I think that you have very well described the fireworks to your fictional blind daughter.
My real son used to ask questions about subjects like this. "Mama, how would you explain fireworks to a blind child?" I can actually hear him asking such a question.
As I hit the button for "Rate and review" it is not uncommon for your poetry to be what emerges. Although I just read one of your poems, another one elbowed its way through the others. I'm almost certain that is what happens.
I'm sure what you wrote is similar to what happened. One of my Facebook connections spent years in an orphanage, one that was the worst of the worst. He always tried his best to get noticed when potential adopted parents arrived to look at who was available.
Thanks for sharing this.
Blessings,
Kenzie
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kenzie
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.61 seconds at 3:51am on Nov 07, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (4.0)
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
