This is not my favorite form of poem as it does not rhyme, however, the meter is good and the imagery paints the picture in your head.
I have to give it a definite thumbs up. I hope we see a good deal more of your writing!
If this is fiction you have discribed it exceedingly well. I just hope that this is not the end of the story, but only the beginning.
If this is not fiction, again, I hope it is only the beginning. These things that happen in life are always one of two things for those who live through them. They are either a stumbling block, or a stepping stone.
Excellent for Halloween. Very scary dreams and the waking nightmare format is cool.
The formatting on the paragraphs is a bit off. It's easiest to double space here to straighten those out.
The characters could use a little more discription. You can't tell if Anomoisity is a blonde or brunett, or what color her eyes are when they aren't flames.
There is no discription of the favorite aunt either.
Otherwise the action is all very well discribed. Very well done.
How you wrote this in the middle of a migrane I will never know! This is very discriptive of the migrane itself. I've never had one. I get headaches rarely and count that a blessing. Most of the headaches I have gotten have either been sinus or stress related.
How you managed to acheive this in the middle of all of that pain, how you managed to maintain a thought process at all.. You are a wonder!
The tsunami weighs on all our hearts and minds. No matter how bad you thought you had it, you have to step back and think that life isn't so bad in the light of what has happened to our bretheren there.
*Lulled falsely by fatigue, perhaps sleep offers a brief respite* This line could use a little work. Out of the entire piece, it is the only thing that leaves the reader feeling a little lost. Taking out the "perhaps" might be the ticket. Maybe "sleep alone offers a breif respite." That would be your call.
The poem itself is awesome in it's form. Exceptionally well done.
Oh my! I love this. Thank you for sharing it! You should really send this one in to Reader's Digest. I'm sure that they would love to have this. It would be worth a few bucks, you would be a published author, and at least it would buy you a cup of coffee.
Bless you for wanting to help and bless her for being honest enough to know that you meant well!
I know that this is one of the greater pains in life.
Thank you for expressing it.
The beginning is just a little confusing. Did you lose 3 in total? It sounds like there are a set of twins you lost and one that you lost when Stephen was born.
The last hard year for me with my losses was the year Jeremy would have turned 30. I found myself wondering what his children might have been like, who he would have married and so on.
You might want to go over the beginning of this writing just a little. Otherwise, it is very well written and tells a tale of the sadness and questions left when we lose our little ones.
Let me start with Amen. That seems to be one thing that you left out of the prayer. It is well felt and well thought out. It could use a closing of some kind. Some of this seems to rhyme as if you meant for it to be a poem and then much of it doesn't. I'm not sure if that was intentional. It could be a poem as well. If you go about the process of making it into a poem do let me know. I would read it again.
This story needs some work. You have it all written in the first person and yet the main character doesn't manage to escape. It leaves the reader wondering how he is telling the story or that the story isn't finished. There isn't much discription of anything, so you will want to write in some descriptions of he main character, the graveyard, the park and the old woman at the very least. It will make the reader identify more with the main character and make your story scarier.
Take some time and re-write this one. It has a lot of good action and will really be worth the effort.
After you have gone over this again, please let me know. I would be happy to give it a second read.
All of spend some time alone in the dark. This captures that feeling very well. It could use a little work on the meter here and there perhaps, but stands well on it's own just as it is.
May we all find our days in the sunshine as well.
Write On!
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This is a very interesting piece. I would add to this. This forest seems an interesting place.
One blooper:With a great bellowing roar of joy, he dropped to all fours and sped off crashing through trees and plowing through dense thickets. He was heading back to his cave and safety at full speed.
He inadvertently woke up Little Chimu, the long-tailed tree monkey, in his noisesome passing. Little Chimu laughed and threw big greasy walnuts at him from his safe treetop where all intelligent monkeys should be at this time of night.
This section didn't format well. Otherwise it's fine as it is written.
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