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3,182 Public Reviews Given
3,230 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey DJ. Venson Author IconMail Icon
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         Your poem {item:1640936) Is beautiful. While I am not a fan of poetr that has an inconsisent line count, this one was easy to overlook that small personal pet-peeve.

         Too many times we leave in anger only to regret our decision later. You handled this small issue well in your poem. The cabbie was wise beyond his years. I do think your main character had a lopsided vide of life in general. This was evidenced by many lines & verses. The one that stood out

"I came home... no dinner ready.
Tells me there's leftover spaghetti.
Said the kids been driving her crazy.
I told her, she's being lazy.


         Yeah, he had lofty expectations. It seems he believed in life the way it was in the 50's and early 60's. Like I said, the cabbie was wise beyond his years. A wonderful poem that I found to be full of love and wisdom.

         Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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2
2
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Martha,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         Your story is pretty cute, the idea of large cats interactting with humans is good, even if it was 'just a game' and not reality. The segue from being in the present fighting the battle, to learning it was really a game was nice. A little abrupt, but nice.

         I have a couple of minor suggestions for you about it though.

1. Use WritingML to enlarge the font a little. I use a font size of 4 as a minimum, which I use here. Maybe even 4.. Some of our members (myself included) are a bit older and have trouble reading small fonts like this

2. I think Photon Torpedoes are ancient technology in today's world. In fact they might have been ancient when you wrote this. I know it's a Trekkie thing, but can you think of something that would be amazing? What I mean is, something like a.... uhhhh,, Oh I don't know, it's your story. Seriously though, I'd change the Photon Torpedoes to something else. Something fictional, a word you make up/create!

         An interesting short story, thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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3
3
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hey Detective,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         You've written a very interesting story here, one I find intriguing. The flow was good, though it contains many minor errors. The biggest thing I found odd, is that it doesn't have a true ending. What I mean is, every story has a beginning, in the middle of the storyt, the plot builds, and an end. Your ending has a lot of loose ends if you ask me. I mentioned 'many minor errors' at the beginning of this paragraph. You should re-read this and see what you think. At least 2-3 of your sentences didn't make sense to me, this is a wording issue more than anything else.

         Other issues I noticed were just the use of plain English. In one paragraph you italize Harvey's thoughts. Excellent! But in several other places, you don't. Be consistent, his thoughts should be italicized with single quotation marks emphasizing he's thinking. Look at your wording, not a complete sentence, but wording in general. Here's an example for you. In at least one place I noticed the word 'then', when it should have been 'than'

         I would love to give this a higher rating simply because I really enjoyed the story. I can't though, not with it containing the errors (and more). I chose not to pick this apart, it would have taken a pretty long time to do that. Thank you for sharing this! I did enjoy it.


Sum1

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4
4
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This is not really a review, but I must comment. You should review this carefully because of the 10 items you link here, 6 are Invalid.
5
5
Review of Canary  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Mad Doctor,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23rd WDC Anniversary!

         Y'know, I love about anything The Beatles released, but I'll confess to not being familiar with all their songs. Norwegian Wood is one of those. I read the lyrics and knew you had done an excellent job in using those lyrics as the basis for this short story.

         The story is a bit strange, then again, the lyrics of the song are the same, strange. I read the background of the song and know it's probably about an extra-marital affair John Lennon briefly had, though the woman's true identity is unknown. In your story, I waited for the woman to do something to your main character. I'm not sure if I expected her to attempt to murder him of what, but I waited, to no avail. That's fine really, being unfamiliar with the song I didn't know what to expect.

         I do have a couple of comments about the story for you though

1. I don't understand why WATCHED is all caps.

2. She took out the wine form the cupboard. Form should be from

3. Your two characters need names!


         An interesting story that needs a little more in it, in my opinion. Right now, it doesn't grab the reader like it could.

Sum1

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6
6
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hey Leif,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         Well, quite a bit like real life. Except I must have led a sheltered life because nothing like this has ever happened to me. That includes meeting someone like Vicky.

         Seriously though, this is very good., The flow was perfect, not too fast, not too slow. The dialog moved it along well too. I enjoyed the plot, I could visualize Charlie and Vicky in that smoke filled bar. You never described the bar as smoke filled, but that's the impression I got while reading. I have to say that I don't think you need to add the additional drinks Charlie had consumed. Perhaps just say "he had also consumed three mixed drinks." Listing what he had already drank is unnecessary.

         An interesting story, thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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7
7
Review of Dragon Boy  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Prodigal Son,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a nice story you've written here. I even enjoyed reading the repeated blurbs like 'Very!' I think it tells the reader a lot about you (in their mind). Since you've listed Children's as one of the genre's, it fits well.

         The flow of the story is excellent. I loved the way it moved from Tim and Will exploring, to the absence of Margo, and Tim's discovery of Katie. I will say that when you wrapped up the story, it flowed a bit fast. Being a children's story, you don't need to explain why it was so important that Timtu and Katie had to leave so quickly, but a short explanation would have helped, and might help the inquiring mind of a young reader.

         I do feel that the school 'scenes' should be connected, but being a children's story, I'm not sure how you would edit this to achieve that. Also, I don't think it's absolutely necessary, being a children's story. But (there's always that 'but' huh), I do have at least one comment for you.

1. In the first paragraph, you name Tim's teacher Miss Naru. Later in the story, you wrote this. "So, Tim," his teacher asked, whose first name was Nela, “what are you creating for your big science project?” I think you'd be better off just calling her Miss Naru throughout the story. Why? Children (at least when I was in school so long ago) never called a teacher by their first name.

         A very interesting story that should be read by quite a few people. I would love to learn what a young reader says about it. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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8
8
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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Hey Carol,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18th WDC Anniversary!

         I really enjoyed this story. I especially liked how you weaved a historic incident in this. Your characters were very believable, but I found myself wondering where Cora Mae's birthday present went. Of course with the earthquake occurring that day, the present became secondary. In a way, you could say, "What a birthday present for Cora Mae, an earthquake and destruction of a city that hasn't been matched in over a hundred years!

         It makes wonder though, why Cora Mae naturally helped everyone she met. Was she a nurse, or just a 'natural'. Either way, you did a nice job describing her helping everyone. And finding/seeing Jess at the end was perfect.

         On a side note here, I do wonder why I don't visit your port more often. I also wonder why you don't have a book of short stories published, or if you do, why I don't know about and haven't bought it. You have a nice talent in writing short stories. Questions, questions, questions.

         An excellent story that should get more exposure. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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9
9
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Christina,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14th WDC Anniversary!

         You've written a beautiful poem here, one that almost seems to beg forgiveness for not loving someone anymore. My personal opinion is that there's no need to beg. Neither of you control your love, you know that. Despite this being a beautiful poem, I have a couple of comments for you on it.

1. I think centering this on the page would make it stand out more. Along with that, add the title in bold font at the top of the page.

2. You use the words so so in two lines of the first verse. Your poem syllable count is not consistent (which I really like), so I'm not sure what having the extra 'so' in the lines is for, or why it might be needed. Personal opinion? I'd delete one of them.

3. In the last verse you use the words more, and more in the second line. If I may offer a small suggestion here. I'd change the second line in the last verse to read When you gave so much more,

4. In reading it aloud, I feel a comma is needed in the last line, after love. That gives the line a nice pause and emphasizes the word anymore. A nice, forceful (yet gentle) ending to the poem.

         I have other comments, they are not worth writing here because all of them are personal feelings about how I would write this. But you wrote it, not me, so I'll keep my opinions to myself. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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10
10
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hey indianrediff Author IconMail Icon
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         I enjoyed reading your ghost story (of sorts), but it is lacking in some areas. If I may, I will list a few things here, I have no wish to tear it apart, so I won't. But I will list major things you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. It needs dialog! Without dialog, there is a lot of show-n-tell here. I realize that this happened long ago and you don't remember everything someone said. So, make up the dialog! You don't list Non-Fiction as one of your genres, so adding dialog that is close what was actually said will be fine. Besides, you have your friends you can talk to about this to see what or how much they remember.

2. The formatting of this makes your story look more like a poem or prose. Remove the 'hard returns' you have in it so it looks and reads like a story, Here's an example on the next line,

I have had only one so-callled experience. And it happened so long ago and the circumstances are so obviously set for such an event, that I am sure it was my then-fertile imagination playing with my mimd. (called, and mind are misspelled)

3. You have an empty space between your lines as well, formatting it to look like a story can help you removed those. Keep the extra line between paragraphs though. It looks better when reading it.

4. Your time line needs some work, and a little research. There's one line where you tell us "this was before the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy was written". Your time line is unclear here, a little before this you said this happened in the late 80's (the books being lost). The next paragraph you move to growing up with your father, and that's where the Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy is mentioned. Just so you know, that book was written in 1979. You can see the confusion this creates in the reader's mind.


         All in all, this is a good memory of your father. If you want it to shine though, it needs a bit of editing TLC. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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11
11
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Tommy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14th WDC Anniversary!

         Y'know, this is a very interesting poem, I love it! Your rhyme & rhythm in this is great, the flow jus sort of 'hums along' like a well tuned engine. The only problem is, if this is about nothing, then the page should be blank. *Laugh*


         Seriously, this is very good, I can see that you were very good at writing lyrics for a local hair band. I will say one thing here though, and it's not about the poem. Provide us with a Biography, something a little more than your description of yourself on your main page. A different (or maybe the same) photo too).

         About the poem. My only comment would be to add a line between the title and the first line. Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing! Thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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12
12
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hey Two Of Four,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22nd WDC Anniversary!

         Wow! I love your twist at the end! Man oh man, you got me there. I couldn't understand what was going on with the crows, why they were trying to break down the glass door. The the twist came about and hit me up side the head. I loved it!

         I can appreciate Ken's distaste for birds. While I don't feel the same, I do about other animals, and understand what he was going through. The only thing is, I might have left via the front door and not come back for a few hours. Of course that wouldn't have made for a very good story, huh!

         An excellent story, like I said I loved it. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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13
13
Review of Journal/Blog  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Tim!
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1st WDC Anniversary!

         I'm reviewing your Day Three entry for this, I think we have similar issues/backgrounds. I'm a US Navy Veteran also, thank you for your service sir! I spent 20 years on Submarines as a Nuke.... Yeah, I know.

         I will write a brief comment on your first entry in your original blog. Delete that blog, you don't need both covering the same issues. Besides, that entry has numerous issues with it, so I would delete since this is your main blog now.

         I like your day three entry, and can understand what you're going through with that cough. I had one 3-4 years ago, caused by an undiagnosed Sinus Infection. It caused me to pass out at times! Yeah, they would tap my cheeks and ask if it hurt. Nope. I was referred to a Allergy Specialist (I have many pollen allergies), she found that I had an infection, but no sign of one. A few weeks later I had Sinus Surgery, and I've never looked back.

         I actually read your entries on July 16 and 17. Keep it up! Your writing style is casual, as if we're sitting together talking. I know what you mean about overdoing something too. At 70 years of age, I can't exercise at all really, and like you, I'd love to buy a bicycle and ride a ways. I'd like an Electric one, but fear I end up using the Electric assist more than I would pedal. If I get one, it won't be electric.

         Get a second opinion on that cough, keep seeing doctors until one gives you a solid and true diagnosis. Using a grammar/spell checker is not cheating either. Everything I write is in Microsoft Word, I use the tools provided all the time. I have 2 main blogs, and one I'll be deleting. I post in one every day, but it's not really writing. "Smile! (Groan?) You Know You Love These!" Open in new Window. My other blog is the one I post about my travels. I'm still working full time, and travel far more than I care to think of. "Where In The World Is Sum1?" Open in new Window. Nineteen weeks the first six months already...

         Thank you for sharing this, I really enjoyed reading your entries.



Sum1

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14
14
Review of The Last Blaze  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Spidey,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20th WDC Anniversary!

         I will confess that the title of this short story had me worried. Worried that you'd write about a massive blaze, and your character would not survive. I loved your take on this, especially since it was for the Cramp. If I had checked the genres you chose, I wouldn't have worried one bit.

         George's memories of the past were described well in your story. It would have been great to learn more about the Kitten story, but I know you were under a word count and couldn't elaborate much on it.

         Your twist at the end really made the story for me. I could see it happening as I read, and laughed a little myself as his actions. I can see an older firefighter barging in with a fire extinguisher, putting the candles out with it before he fully assesses the situation. Someone with that much experience would do that normally. But this was in his 'second home', so no holds barred it seems.

         A pretty humorous story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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15
15
Review of I Praey  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Mucker,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         I like this, a lot. I love the message in it. It seems to be your mind remembering things, or maybe considering activities completed today. In reading it several times, I have a couple of comments/recommendations for you.

         I've never been one to harp on a certain format for a poem, but I do believe in consistency. Some will say this or that about it, and that it 'must' be written a certain way. The only recommendations/comments (not discrepancies in your writing at all) I have are:

1. Use the WritingML to make the font larger. I use font size 4 in everything here on WDC, as I am now. To do this, highlight the text you want to enlarge, then click the 3 S's that gradually get bigger, and choose your font size. Like I said, I use 4 for just about everything, unless I forget to use it. Let's make a word using Font size 5. How about Mucker? You see it first in size 4, now here's 5. Mucker To show you that, it would be {size:5}Mucker{/size} using WritingML. I highlighted Mucker, then changed the size exactly as you see here.

2. This poem almost screams to use 8 syllables per line, and you've done well doing that. Here is your syllable count by line. 7/8/8/9 and 4/4/8. A couple of very minor edits would help, I will provide examples if that's okay.



I Praey

Past deeds done an there to stay
My bed was made for this sad day
a chance reprieve is what I pray
But A distant voice had this to say

No way, today
It's time to play
A soul like yours
Is what I prey


         Now it's 7/8/8/8, and 4/4/4/4.


3. Again, using WritingML, center the poem on the page as I have done, and add a title.


         These are only suggestions, and not critiques of your writing. I love this poem, thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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16
16
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Nomlet,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 19th WDC Anniversary!

         My first comment is this. I think you've mastered the art of writing a twist in a story. I loved the one you have in this one!

         Y'know, this goes on far too often in today's world. I'm not talking about Deb and her planned meeting with the Manager of a Space Division. I'm talking about someone (male or female) leaving a child alone in a store. A store of any type, not necessarily a toy store. The practice of raising your children and caring for them at all times is gone. Dang I sound old! (And I am).

         This is well written. Your dialog carries the story, but your descriptions of Deb & Mandy's actions were very good also. That last line though said an awful lot about Martin. Just from reading that, I'd say he doesn't go by Marty. Only Martin.

         I really enjoyed your story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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17
17
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Teresa
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         You know me and my feelings about our Military, here goes a review of this wonderful article about Memorial Day.

         This is very good and I really like it. However, I feel it can be improved. Let's see how I feel it can be edited.

1. The first line seems to read backwards to me. What do I mean? Start with your roots being full of those who have sacrificed for our country. Let's see if I can offer a suggestion. As I sit here thinking of those I have lost; my roots are full of those who have sacrificed for our country. Perhaps this instead? My family roots run deep with many from my family who have sacrificed their lives for our country. (Give an example here!) An example: My Grandfather Russ served in the Army during WWI, he was lost during the battle of Verdun.

2. This is an essay, so dig deep here. Instead ot generalizing terms (The generations of brave souls who fought for our freedom and the way of life we are accustomed to.}, provide specific examples. This allows the writing to be even stronger, drawing a reader in as a participant (perhaps), not just an outsider reading out of boredom.


         I've provided a couple of examples for you, but re-read this, and think about specifics. Instead of two handfuls, provide names and when/where/dates served. If you don't know exact dates, ask for them, or in the essay tell us it's an approximation.


         A nice essay that could be beefed up, thus a much more interesting read if specific examples are provided. Thank you for sharing!


Jim


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Review of Little Ships  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Hey Jace,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         To act like an Englishman for a moment, "Bloody Hell Jace!" I was fine until the end when Owen returned to the present. It's funny how my eyes can well up with moisture at times.

         I don't give very many 5 star ratings, maybe once a month, if that often. Man, this one packs a wallop, drawing you in as part of the story. I was there with those lads. I could smell that acrid odor and hear those shots and grenades. Well done with everything in this story! I have no suggestions, this was definitely deserving of that first place win in "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thank you for sharing.


Sum1

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Review of Dear Me 2023  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hey GaelicQueen,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         I wrote a Dear Me entry for 2023, I didn't do well because I didn't win. *Smile* That's fine though, at least I was writing!

         What I saw here though, was a lack of detail. I really like your goals, but details are needed. Let me show you an example.

1. 2023 will see me with my backside planted in my chair before the computer to research, read and develop outlines for future projects. This is an excellent goal! However, what projects? Are they novels/novellas? Poems? How many projects? What about a timeline? I know that to make a goal realistic you need a timeline to get things accomplished. So not only do you need a timeline, you need to break that goal down into smaller segments. Why? Because to have a goal of 'finishing the "gerv gj5 snree" novel (Yeah, I used gibberish as an example here) is a broad goal. A good one, but a broad one. So break it down into smaller goals that are more easily attained.

         That would be my comment for every goal you listed. I liked them all, but there wasn't enough detail about any of them.

         I wonder if you wrote a Dear Me entry for 2024. I didn't. Only because work has me swamped right now. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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Review of What Did He Say?  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey SandraLynn,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         I love comedy stories that are well written, I wasn't disappointed with your story at all. Well, maybe with one small part. It was too short! I guess I'm greedy, I was hoping for more from little Aiden. This is your story though, not mine. I could see him trying to crack that egg though. Wiping it on his shirt is exactly what a little boy would do. If I were to suggest something about this story, it would be more of a formatting thing, nothing about the story.
For some reason I have found myself using a size 4 font in about everything now.

         Also, you might consider double spacing between paragraphs, it makes it look a little better for on line reading.

         A very good short story. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hey Mike,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         Y'know Mike, there aren't too many times I read something and all I can think of, is WOW. I had to double-check your genres to see if this was non-fiction. After all, you did use your name throughout. Well done my friend!

         I do not give a 5 star rating very often because I honestly feel everything can be improved. Not this time, I wouldn't change a word. You had me all the way through, I mean I was interested, lost in the world of Mikey, and wondered what was going to happen in his life. The bike incident really got to me, I could see that happening. Then came the twist at the end, you completely floored me with that. So all I can say is, "WOW!" I love it.

         An excellent story that deserves every accolade it gets. Thank you for sharing!



Jim


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Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey L.A.Saxe,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your WDC 2nd Anniversary!

         I know how hard it is to write a good flash fiction story. You've done well in that regard with this story. Your story is easy to follow along for the most part, the dialog between Pickle and Cabbage really carried this. I knew there would be a twist in this, it was just going too smooth. Still, it was nice to read through and find it at the end.

         I know you were under a word limit for this, but I'd love to have read more about their adventures with the snakes. After all, I don't think snakes like pickles or cabbage, so what did they face? If this was a contest this was entered in is over, you might consider lengthening it to flesh it out some, so to speak. It may turn out far more interesting than you imagine. A very nice flash fiction story. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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Review of The chameleons  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey strlcuckoo Author IconMail Icon,

         Thank you for requesting a review from me, that's always an honor in my book. You didn't say what kind of feedback you're looking for on this poem, and frankly I'll have very little for you. Why? Because I love this! It's a very true statement in a poetic form. We both have probably met people like this, those who want you to live your life in their image. They want you to be a shadow of themselves. I think people like this do it out of vanity With you being just like them, they can see themselves, admire themselves for being so beautiful. Someone like this is a bit Narcissistic if you ask me. Rather than admire themselves, they can admire you. After all, you are them, are you not?

         My only comment on this would be to center the poem on the page, and add the title of it in the body of the poem as well. I realize the title is at the top of the item, but think about it and see what you think. Again, thank you for requesting a review from me, I really appreciate it, and loved reading your poem./size}



Sum1

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Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Sharon,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to say, Cancer is such a horrible disease. It took your husband quickly it seems, which is what frequently happens. One of our close friends lost her husband the same way a little over a year ago. She has not gotten over his loss, nor moved on, yet. I hope you have.

         I read this determined that tears would not come, but they did as I read the second to last paragraph. I firmly believe that we'll never cure the causes of Cancer, mainly for a couple of reasons that I won't go into here. Notice I typed causes, not cause, because it's exactly that, causes. It's different for everyone. We (as a race) fight it, but haven't cured it. Yes, modern medicine has made terrific progress in fighting it, the medicines available are much better at fighting this horrible disease. They only fight the symptoms for the most part, they don't cure you of it. Plus, those medicines are very expensive.

         I loved how you wrote this. Despite being short and brief, you pulled me in to your fight. That second paragraph where you revealed he had Cancer told me he wouldn't live much longer, and was the reason you celebrated Thanksgiving early. While your story centered around the two of you, and rightly so, I would love to have seen a little bit about him telling his children about his disease. They might have suspected something though, since you were celebrating Thanksgiving a month early. The story reads fine as it is, I'm just curious about how he told them, and their reaction. Just a comment here, I'm not saying this is an error on your part.

         A very good short story about a love that was never fully realized due to Cancer. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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25
Review of St. Patrick's Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1's In F... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey Neva,
         I posted immediately after you in "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. and thus have the pleasure of reviewing your post.


         I love writing challenging poetry, I think an Acrostic is one of the most difficult types to write! You did well in writing this, you kept to the St. Patrick theme throughout. After reading the first two lines, I thought it would rhyme throughout, but of course it didn't. There's nothing wrong with that either, I just enjoy rhyming poetry more.

         You did well in describing some of his actions in life, such as running the Devil's snakes out of Ireland, and constructing churches and monasteries. It was an enjoyable read, I did feel it could have been a bit stronger in wording. I'm not sure how, but I'm sure it could. My reason for saying this? The ending. Especially that last line. The ending was very weak in my eyes. It was as if you didn't know what to type next, and just added that line in. I'm not sure how you could have ended it, but that last line just jumps out at me that way. It's a good poem, don't get me wrong. Thank you for sharing!





Sum1

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