Sum1's Home's (jim-d) Reviews

Sum1's Home

Review Requests: ON

3,196 Public Reviews Given

3,244 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.

I'm good at...

I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).

Favorite Genres

Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense

Least Favorite Genres

Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.

Favorite Item Types

Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.

Least Favorite Item Types

I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.

I will not review...

I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.

1

Credit this reviewer

#4800795

Review of Oh Life!

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey ernest dempsey

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22^nd WDC Anniversary!

I enjoyed this relatively short poem you've written. I found that last line to be very profound. It can hit you when you read it, as if you are anticipating leaving God's Green Earth, yet starting life anew. I have only two comments about your poem, for your consideration. The comments are not meant to be critical in nature, more of a suggestion/personal preference than anything.

1. Center the poem on the page using WritingML.

2. Include the title of the poem above it, also centered, and maybe with bold text. It would look like this (again, a personal preference)

OH Life!

Too far away is the land of peace
My laughter can't be true
My pending heart and staggering breath
Won't make it I always knew
My dimming eyes weep on and on
What else good they can do
My witty lips but smile still
To keep the tomb of grief askew
Oh life! How long did I pursue
The end of me the start of you

This is your poem though, edit it if you wish. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4799996

Review of Memories

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey lucky dog

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

First and foremost, Thank You For Your Service! As a former Submarine Sailor, I know a little of what you experienced serving our country.

You've written a short essay here, in my opinion I feel it could be much longer. You mention memories and the possibility of losing them, why don't you share some of those memories? This would preserve them for you, and maybe your children/wife. Perhaps some concerning growing up, and some about your time in service, or afterwards with the railroad or Cal Edison? This would allow your readers to know you a little better.

Throughout your essay you seem to obsess over growing older and suffering from Alzheimer's, and though not mentioned, Dementia. My thoughts on this? Don't worry about it too much. If you're (we're) going to be afflicted with that, there's not a lot that can be done, much like Cancer. So relax and enjoy your senior years!

While this is a good essay, it does need a little bit of writing TLC. I noticed a few very small errors you might want to look at should you decide to edit this.

1. I would hate to loose those memories because of an illness. Loose should be lose.

2. Alzheimer's is a robber and a thief because it steels those memories. Steels should be steals.

3. It's not just the lose of memories but you loose the ability to know who you are, and what made you the person you see in the mirror. Lose should be loss, and once again you use loose when it should be lose.

4. Keeping and eye on the rear view mirror will help you navigate those highways. And should be an.

You're started a nice essay here, just use your memory to lengthen it a little! Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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3

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#4797779

Review of Betrayal

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Thx11283

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary!

This is well written, you throw your heart out there for everyone to see. Yes, you feel regret, sorrow, and more. This is one reason I love the written word. IF you take the time, you have the chance to read what you're saying and edit it accordingly.

I recall typing an email at work when I was upset. I wasn't betraying anyone, nor was I getting back at anyone. I just felt that I had been slighted over something very trivial, and was venting. Thankfully I read the email before sending it and deleted it.

Verbal actions cannot be undone. No matter how much you apologize, you can't retract the words. I've learned, and it was a long, hard path to learning, to watch what I say, to measure my words before I say them. I am not always successful, but I try, it's all anyone can do.

Thank you for writing this, it serves as a reminder to me to always watch my words, and what I type. Well done! Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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#4797535

Review of Ships That Don't Come In

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Nikola,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21^st WDC Anniversary!

This is quite a story you've written here, but it sort of left me hanging. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed reading this, very much so. You painted a nice picture of Jenny and Connor, and their relationship. There's no doubt in my mind that Connor had been abusing Jenny for whatever reason(s). You didn't give details as to why she was abused by him, that may be something to delve into should you choose to lengthen this. Maybe it's best to leave the details to the readers imagination, that's for you to decide.

Carla was also described well, I found myself wondering why Connor drifted to Jenny and not Carla, perhaps it was the cheerleader image that drew him. Star Football player in a small town, Head Cheerleader, a perfect couple it would seem. I like that you did not provide details about his death, or how a 5 foot 100 lb former Cheerleader could overcome a man who stood 6 foot four with a muscular build. Some things are better left unsaid.

I did see one small thing you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. Ty bleed out before making the 911 call.
Jenny had unlocked the front door

These two lines are in the same paragraph, and should be on the same line. A double space between the end of one sentence and the beginning of the next sometimes causes this.

It's not often that I find a kind of gruesome story to read, but this one was enjoyable. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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5

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#4796936

Review of The Silver Wand

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Brenpoet

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23^rd WDC Anniversary!

I love short poems like this, one that tells a beautiful story. I loved the thought your father put into the wand, but I'm so sad your mother didn't live to see the performance. She was there in spirit I'm sure. I just wonder how you managed to perform?!

I read this seeral times trying to find something to comment on, but couldn't. Oh, I just had a thought though. I know this is a poem formatted as a couplet. If you could somehow add two more lines, it would be a Quatrain. Not that it needs that, it was just a thought.

An excellent poem, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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6

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#4792977

Review of Traveling through the event horizon

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Steven,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary!

You've written an interesting story here, but you also have a lot more telling combined with very little showing. Even your dialog doesn't show as much as it could. Don't get me wrong, I liked your story, enjoyed reading it, but the telling in it really turned me away. Admittedly, I only read thru The Big Day. I could have read more, but a brief look at the following Chapters confirmed what I had already seen. Quite a bit of telling with little showing. Please allow me to give you an example or two, first your words, then my idea of improving it by showing a reader the scene.

1. Mounting his hover bike, Max speeds towards the city. At an intersection, he pauses, drawn by the chaos of a recent accident. The robotic police haven't arrived, and bystanders are frantically trying to help. As he prepares to leave, a strange figure across the street catches his eye. The observer, holding a peculiar device, seems to be recording the scene. Suddenly, the stranger notices Max, turns abruptly, and slips into an alley. Curiosity piqued, Max follows. Here is my idea of providing more showing to a reader. Mounting his hover bike, Max speeds towards the city. At an intersection, he pauses, drawn by the chaos of a recent accident. The robotic police haven't arrived, and bystanders are frantically trying to help. The damage to the two vehicles is obvious. One has a shattered windshield, the driver hanging out window, appearing to be unconscious. The other vehicle's occupant is not seen anywhere. As he prepares to leave the accident scene, a strange figure across the street catches his eye. The observer, holding a peculiar device, seems to be recording everything. Max got the impression that this bystander was really the driver of the second vehicle. Suddenly, the stranger notices Max, turns abruptly, and slips into an alley. Curiosity piqued, Max follows.

2. Navigating the narrow passage, Max sees the alley light up with an intense green fireball. Shielding his eyes, he glimpses the stranger stepping into a swirling tunnel that vanishes, leaving only a brick wall. Shaken, Max races back to his hover bike, fleeing through the city without looking back. He crosses into the "old town," a desolate area abandoned by society, where the marginalized live without social security or energy. The empty streets and eerie silence make his heart race faster. Again, my idea of an edit. Navigating the narrow passage, Max finds the stranger at the end of the alley. The stranger presses a button on his device and the whole alley lights up with an intense green fireball. Shielding his eyes, he glimpses the stranger stepping into a swirling tunnel that vanishes, leaving only a brick wall. Max runs to to the stranger's previous location only to find a solid brick wall. Shaken, Max races back to his hover bike, fleeing through the city without looking back. He quickly realizes he's not being watched or followed as he crosses into the "old town," a desolate area abandoned by society, where the marginalized live without social security or energy. The empty streets and eerie silence make his heart race faster.

You don't always need dialog to move the story, Dialog does help, believe me. I'm just not sure how you might have used it here, possibly adding some as Max talked to bystanders at the accident scene. But you need to describe what's going on. Otherwise, you're doing as you've written, you're telling a reader what's going on. By adding descriptions. This pulls a reader into the story, their minds race as they fill in gaps you fail to fill, either intentionally, or unintentionally.

This is a good story, it only needs a little editing TLC to improve it. Thank you for sharing!/size}

Sum1

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#4792669

Review of Angels

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Ken
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

As I said in the Newsfeed post, Wow! I love your poem, it speaks to me in many ways. Like you, I rarely write anymore, at times I think I've forgotten how to write well. I love to write about particular subjects, among them Santa, and Veterans. I found this to be incredible.

I know Angels appear in our lives in many shapes and sizes, and in many forms. It will sound sappy, but I think mine sits across from me right now.

Try as I might, I couldn't find fault with your poem Not a single misspelled word, nothing amiss. The message contained in it is beautiful, the rhyming perfect, with a rhythm that varied a little, but not enough to matter. I'm sure others can and will find fault, but they'll be picking at very small issues. For me, it was the message contained therein. One of Love, Hope, Resilience, and Angels.

This is a truly beautiful poem, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4791487

Review of U.S.S Sol's computer

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (2.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Silverwindrose,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12^th WDC Anniversary!

I would love to give this a 5 star rating, but I can't. You have started a very interesting story here, but you need to finish it. I really enjoyed reading it, but it has quite a few issues here. But, and put a lot of emphasis on the word But here, this needs a lot of work. I mean a lot!

I saw that you mentioned having Dyslexia, but this is more than Dyslexia, at least it seems that way. There are numerous missing words, misused words, and spelling/usage errors throughout. Let me provide a couple of examples. (Keep in mind these are all very minor in nature, but when there are many errors like this, it really detracts from the read).

1. technology.The only problem the ship's crew had was this race had a habit of scavenging thing they found without thinking about it. You can see the need of a space between technology and the (I'd used 2 spaces myself). Also though, thing should be things.

2. Panic filled me what in the world had they done. You need a comma after me, and maybe italicize the rest of that line, as well as using single quotation marks to show she's thinking this, not saying it.

3. I took a deep breathe just to feel those skittering around inside seam to pause as if something was different than what they where use to. Seam should be seem, where should be were. Additionally, as written the line does not make sense to me. Perhaps you meant something like this. I took a deep breathe, and as I did I could feel those skittering around inside me seem to pause, as if something was different than what they were use to.

Like I said, I like your story and its premise, but it needs a lot of editing TLC. Perhaps use a spell checker, as well as checking punctuation and grammar usage. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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9

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#4789850

Review of Compassion Drove A Cab Today

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey DJ. Venson

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17^th WDC Anniversary!

Your poem {item:1640936) Is beautiful. While I am not a fan of poetr that has an inconsisent line count, this one was easy to overlook that small personal pet-peeve.

Too many times we leave in anger only to regret our decision later. You handled this small issue well in your poem. The cabbie was wise beyond his years. I do think your main character had a lopsided vide of life in general. This was evidenced by many lines & verses. The one that stood out

"I came home... no dinner ready.
Tells me there's leftover spaghetti.
Said the kids been driving her crazy.
I told her, she's being lazy.

Yeah, he had lofty expectations. It seems he believed in life the way it was in the 50's and early 60's. Like I said, the cabbie was wise beyond his years. A wonderful poem that I found to be full of love and wisdom.

Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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10

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#4786064

Review of The Pussycat Clang

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Martha,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

Your story is pretty cute, the idea of large cats interactting with humans is good, even if it was 'just a game' and not reality. The segue from being in the present fighting the battle, to learning it was really a game was nice. A little abrupt, but nice.

I have a couple of minor suggestions for you about it though.

1. Use WritingML to enlarge the font a little. I use a font size of 4 as a minimum, which I use here. Maybe even 4.. Some of our members (myself included) are a bit older and have trouble reading small fonts like this

2. I think Photon Torpedoes are ancient technology in today's world. In fact they might have been ancient when you wrote this. I know it's a Trekkie thing, but can you think of something that would be amazing? What I mean is, something like a.... uhhhh,, Oh I don't know, it's your story. Seriously though, I'd change the Photon Torpedoes to something else. Something fictional, a word you make up/create!

An interesting short story, thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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11

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#4785560

Review of The Ghosts of Vienna Gardens

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Detective,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11^th WDC Anniversary!

You've written a very interesting story here, one I find intriguing. The flow was good, though it contains many minor errors. The biggest thing I found odd, is that it doesn't have a true ending. What I mean is, every story has a beginning, in the middle of the storyt, the plot builds, and an end. Your ending has a lot of loose ends if you ask me. I mentioned 'many minor errors' at the beginning of this paragraph. You should re-read this and see what you think. At least 2-3 of your sentences didn't make sense to me, this is a wording issue more than anything else.

Other issues I noticed were just the use of plain English. In one paragraph you italize Harvey's thoughts. Excellent! But in several other places, you don't. Be consistent, his thoughts should be italicized with single quotation marks emphasizing he's thinking. Look at your wording, not a complete sentence, but wording in general. Here's an example for you. In at least one place I noticed the word 'then', when it should have been 'than'

I would love to give this a higher rating simply because I really enjoyed the story. I can't though, not with it containing the errors (and more). I chose not to pick this apart, it would have taken a pretty long time to do that. Thank you for sharing this! I did enjoy it.

Sum1

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12

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#4785188

Review of Oak Cliff Review Award of Quality

Review by Sum1's Home

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

This is not really a review, but I must comment. You should review this carefully because of the 10 items you link here, 6 are Invalid.

13

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#4784651

Review of Canary

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Mad Doctor,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23^rd WDC Anniversary!

Y'know, I love about anything The Beatles released, but I'll confess to not being familiar with all their songs. Norwegian Wood is one of those. I read the lyrics and knew you had done an excellent job in using those lyrics as the basis for this short story.

The story is a bit strange, then again, the lyrics of the song are the same, strange. I read the background of the song and know it's probably about an extra-marital affair John Lennon briefly had, though the woman's true identity is unknown. In your story, I waited for the woman to do something to your main character. I'm not sure if I expected her to attempt to murder him of what, but I waited, to no avail. That's fine really, being unfamiliar with the song I didn't know what to expect.

I do have a couple of comments about the story for you though

1. I don't understand why WATCHED is all caps.

2. She took out the wine form the cupboard. Form should be from

3. Your two characters need names!

An interesting story that needs a little more in it, in my opinion. Right now, it doesn't grab the reader like it could.

Sum1

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14

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#4780802

Review of You Got Three Fifty?

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Leif,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15^th WDC Anniversary!

Well, quite a bit like real life. Except I must have led a sheltered life because nothing like this has ever happened to me. That includes meeting someone like Vicky.

Seriously though, this is very good., The flow was perfect, not too fast, not too slow. The dialog moved it along well too. I enjoyed the plot, I could visualize Charlie and Vicky in that smoke filled bar. You never described the bar as smoke filled, but that's the impression I got while reading. I have to say that I don't think you need to add the additional drinks Charlie had consumed. Perhaps just say "he had also consumed three mixed drinks." Listing what he had already drank is unnecessary.

An interesting story, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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15

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#4780632

Review of Dragon Boy

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Prodigal Son,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10^th WDC Anniversary!

This is a nice story you've written here. I even enjoyed reading the repeated blurbs like 'Very!' I think it tells the reader a lot about you (in their mind). Since you've listed Children's as one of the genre's, it fits well.

The flow of the story is excellent. I loved the way it moved from Tim and Will exploring, to the absence of Margo, and Tim's discovery of Katie. I will say that when you wrapped up the story, it flowed a bit fast. Being a children's story, you don't need to explain why it was so important that Timtu and Katie had to leave so quickly, but a short explanation would have helped, and might help the inquiring mind of a young reader.

I do feel that the school 'scenes' should be connected, but being a children's story, I'm not sure how you would edit this to achieve that. Also, I don't think it's absolutely necessary, being a children's story. But (there's always that 'but' huh), I do have at least one comment for you.

1. In the first paragraph, you name Tim's teacher Miss Naru. Later in the story, you wrote this. "So, Tim," his teacher asked, whose first name was Nela, “what are you creating for your big science project?” I think you'd be better off just calling her Miss Naru throughout the story. Why? Children (at least when I was in school so long ago) never called a teacher by their first name.

A very interesting story that should be read by quite a few people. I would love to learn what a young reader says about it. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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16

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#4778223

Review of April Eighteenth, Nineteen Hundred & Six

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Carol,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18^th WDC Anniversary!

I really enjoyed this story. I especially liked how you weaved a historic incident in this. Your characters were very believable, but I found myself wondering where Cora Mae's birthday present went. Of course with the earthquake occurring that day, the present became secondary. In a way, you could say, "What a birthday present for Cora Mae, an earthquake and destruction of a city that hasn't been matched in over a hundred years!

It makes wonder though, why Cora Mae naturally helped everyone she met. Was she a nurse, or just a 'natural'. Either way, you did a nice job describing her helping everyone. And finding/seeing Jess at the end was perfect.

On a side note here, I do wonder why I don't visit your port more often. I also wonder why you don't have a book of short stories published, or if you do, why I don't know about and haven't bought it. You have a nice talent in writing short stories. Questions, questions, questions.

An excellent story that should get more exposure. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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17

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#4771037

Review of My own ghost story

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey indianrediff

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15^th WDC Anniversary!

I enjoyed reading your ghost story (of sorts), but it is lacking in some areas. If I may, I will list a few things here, I have no wish to tear it apart, so I won't. But I will list major things you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. It needs dialog! Without dialog, there is a lot of show-n-tell here. I realize that this happened long ago and you don't remember everything someone said. So, make up the dialog! You don't list Non-Fiction as one of your genres, so adding dialog that is close what was actually said will be fine. Besides, you have your friends you can talk to about this to see what or how much they remember.

2. The formatting of this makes your story look more like a poem or prose. Remove the 'hard returns' you have in it so it looks and reads like a story, Here's an example on the next line,

I have had only one so-callled experience. And it happened so long ago and the circumstances are so obviously set for such an event, that I am sure it was my then-fertile imagination playing with my mimd. (called, and mind are misspelled)

3. You have an empty space between your lines as well, formatting it to look like a story can help you removed those. Keep the extra line between paragraphs though. It looks better when reading it.

4. Your time line needs some work, and a little research. There's one line where you tell us "this was before the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy was written". Your time line is unclear here, a little before this you said this happened in the late 80's (the books being lost). The next paragraph you move to growing up with your father, and that's where the Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy is mentioned. Just so you know, that book was written in 1979. You can see the confusion this creates in the reader's mind.

All in all, this is a good memory of your father. If you want it to shine though, it needs a bit of editing TLC. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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18

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#4766279

Review of MY POEM ABOUT NOTHING

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Tommy,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14th WDC Anniversary!

Y'know, this is a very interesting poem, I love it! Your rhyme & rhythm in this is great, the flow jus sort of 'hums along' like a well tuned engine. The only problem is, if this is about nothing, then the page should be blank.

Seriously, this is very good, I can see that you were very good at writing lyrics for a local hair band. I will say one thing here though, and it's not about the poem. Provide us with a Biography, something a little more than your description of yourself on your main page. A different (or maybe the same) photo too).

About the poem. My only comment would be to add a line between the title and the first line. Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing! Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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#4762487

Review of A Little Bird Told Me

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Two Of Four,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22^nd WDC Anniversary!

Wow! I love your twist at the end! Man oh man, you got me there. I couldn't understand what was going on with the crows, why they were trying to break down the glass door. The the twist came about and hit me up side the head. I loved it!

I can appreciate Ken's distaste for birds. While I don't feel the same, I do about other animals, and understand what he was going through. The only thing is, I might have left via the front door and not come back for a few hours. Of course that wouldn't have made for a very good story, huh!

An excellent story, like I said I loved it. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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20

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#4761528

Review of Journal/Blog

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Tim!
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1^st WDC Anniversary!

I'm reviewing your Day Three entry for this, I think we have similar issues/backgrounds. I'm a US Navy Veteran also, thank you for your service sir! I spent 20 years on Submarines as a Nuke.... Yeah, I know.

I will write a brief comment on your first entry in your original blog. Delete that blog, you don't need both covering the same issues. Besides, that entry has numerous issues with it, so I would delete since this is your main blog now.

I like your day three entry, and can understand what you're going through with that cough. I had one 3-4 years ago, caused by an undiagnosed Sinus Infection. It caused me to pass out at times! Yeah, they would tap my cheeks and ask if it hurt. Nope. I was referred to a Allergy Specialist (I have many pollen allergies), she found that I had an infection, but no sign of one. A few weeks later I had Sinus Surgery, and I've never looked back.

I actually read your entries on July 16 and 17. Keep it up! Your writing style is casual, as if we're sitting together talking. I know what you mean about overdoing something too. At 70 years of age, I can't exercise at all really, and like you, I'd love to buy a bicycle and ride a ways. I'd like an Electric one, but fear I end up using the Electric assist more than I would pedal. If I get one, it won't be electric.

Get a second opinion on that cough, keep seeing doctors until one gives you a solid and true diagnosis. Using a grammar/spell checker is not cheating either. Everything I write is in Microsoft Word, I use the tools provided all the time. I have 2 main blogs, and one I'll be deleting. I post in one every day, but it's not really writing. "Smile! (Groan?) You Know You Love These!"

My other blog is the one I post about my travels. I'm still working full time, and travel far more than I care to think of. "Where In The World Is Sum1?"

Nineteen weeks the first six months already...

Thank you for sharing this, I really enjoyed reading your entries.

Sum1

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21

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#4758457

Review of The Last Blaze

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Spidey,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

I will confess that the title of this short story had me worried. Worried that you'd write about a massive blaze, and your character would not survive. I loved your take on this, especially since it was for the Cramp. If I had checked the genres you chose, I wouldn't have worried one bit.

George's memories of the past were described well in your story. It would have been great to learn more about the Kitten story, but I know you were under a word count and couldn't elaborate much on it.

Your twist at the end really made the story for me. I could see it happening as I read, and laughed a little myself as his actions. I can see an older firefighter barging in with a fire extinguisher, putting the candles out with it before he fully assesses the situation. Someone with that much experience would do that normally. But this was in his 'second home', so no holds barred it seems.

A pretty humorous story, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4756816

Review of I Praey

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Mucker,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13^th WDC Anniversary!

I like this, a lot. I love the message in it. It seems to be your mind remembering things, or maybe considering activities completed today. In reading it several times, I have a couple of comments/recommendations for you.

I've never been one to harp on a certain format for a poem, but I do believe in consistency. Some will say this or that about it, and that it 'must' be written a certain way. The only recommendations/comments (not discrepancies in your writing at all) I have are:

1. Use the WritingML to make the font larger. I use font size 4 in everything here on WDC, as I am now. To do this, highlight the text you want to enlarge, then click the 3 S's that gradually get bigger, and choose your font size. Like I said, I use 4 for just about everything, unless I forget to use it. Let's make a word using Font size 5. How about Mucker? You see it first in size 4, now here's 5. Mucker To show you that, it would be {size:5}Mucker{/size} using WritingML. I highlighted Mucker, then changed the size exactly as you see here.

2. This poem almost screams to use 8 syllables per line, and you've done well doing that. Here is your syllable count by line. 7/8/8/9 and 4/4/8. A couple of very minor edits would help, I will provide examples if that's okay.

I Praey

Past deeds done an there to stay
My bed was made for this sad day
a chance reprieve is what I pray
But A distant voice had this to say

No way, today
It's time to play
A soul like yours
Is what I prey

Now it's 7/8/8/8, and 4/4/4/4.

3. Again, using WritingML, center the poem on the page as I have done, and add a title.

These are only suggestions, and not critiques of your writing. I love this poem, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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23

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#4755172

Review of Pride and Prejudice

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Nomlet,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 19^th WDC Anniversary!

My first comment is this. I think you've mastered the art of writing a twist in a story. I loved the one you have in this one!

Y'know, this goes on far too often in today's world. I'm not talking about Deb and her planned meeting with the Manager of a Space Division. I'm talking about someone (male or female) leaving a child alone in a store. A store of any type, not necessarily a toy store. The practice of raising your children and caring for them at all times is gone. Dang I sound old! (And I am).

This is well written. Your dialog carries the story, but your descriptions of Deb & Mandy's actions were very good also. That last line though said an awful lot about Martin. Just from reading that, I'd say he doesn't go by Marty. Only Martin.

I really enjoyed your story, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4752109

Review of Remembering Our Fallen

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Teresa
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7^th WDC Anniversary!

You know me and my feelings about our Military, here goes a review of this wonderful article about Memorial Day.

This is very good and I really like it. However, I feel it can be improved. Let's see how I feel it can be edited.

1. The first line seems to read backwards to me. What do I mean? Start with your roots being full of those who have sacrificed for our country. Let's see if I can offer a suggestion. As I sit here thinking of those I have lost; my roots are full of those who have sacrificed for our country. Perhaps this instead? My family roots run deep with many from my family who have sacrificed their lives for our country. (Give an example here!) An example: My Grandfather Russ served in the Army during WWI, he was lost during the battle of Verdun.

2. This is an essay, so dig deep here. Instead ot generalizing terms (The generations of brave souls who fought for our freedom and the way of life we are accustomed to.}, provide specific examples. This allows the writing to be even stronger, drawing a reader in as a participant (perhaps), not just an outsider reading out of boredom.

I've provided a couple of examples for you, but re-read this, and think about specifics. Instead of two handfuls, provide names and when/where/dates served. If you don't know exact dates, ask for them, or in the essay tell us it's an approximation.

A nice essay that could be beefed up, thus a much more interesting read if specific examples are provided. Thank you for sharing!

Jim

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#4749476

Review of Little Ships

Review by Sum1's Home

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Jace,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

To act like an Englishman for a moment, "Bloody Hell Jace!" I was fine until the end when Owen returned to the present. It's funny how my eyes can well up with moisture at times.

I don't give very many 5 star ratings, maybe once a month, if that often. Man, this one packs a wallop, drawing you in as part of the story. I was there with those lads. I could smell that acrid odor and hear those shots and grenades. Well done with everything in this story! I have no suggestions, this was definitely deserving of that first place win in "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .