Sum1's (jim-d) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

3,285 Public Reviews Given

3,333 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.

I'm good at...

I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).

Favorite Genres

Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense

Least Favorite Genres

Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.

Favorite Item Types

Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.

Least Favorite Item Types

I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.

I will not review...

I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.

176

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4641888

Review of An Ordinary Life

for entry "Why Me?"

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey ruwth
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13^th WDC Anniversary!

With you being the Featured Author for January, I had to drop by and send you a review! Man am I glad I chose this to read! You have left me in tears! I have to confess thar I often wondered why you couldn't, or wasn't, working. This explains it all, and leaves me sitting here in amazement.

You describe things here so well. I was with you as you entered that church, as you discovered the changes you saw and felt as your healing started. I am so thrilled for you that it's hard to find words to describe my feelings. I told Kathy about this; about all she could say was, "The power of prayer is pretty amazing."

I pray you will continue to experience good health, and feel healthier as each day passes. My heart is with you as you go through life.

Your friend,

Jim

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177

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#4641174

Review of SharNoWriBlo

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Sharkdaddy,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12^th WDC Anniversary!

Merry Christmas! I hope it's been a great day for you....

This needs more entries! Your last entry was 10 years ago!

I like the start to this. I've never participated in NaNoWriMo, mainly because I know I'd really have trouble writing 50,000 words in one month. Heck, my longest writing is just over 20,000 words I think, that took me the better part of three or four months, so writing 50,000 words in one month is out of the question.

You have a nice start to this, but if you want it to be a blog about your current activities, change the name mayber. Tell us what you're doing today, your day to day life, etc. You won't bore us, I'd think quite a few people might like to know what's going on. I should take my own advice too, my 'official' blog could use more entries too.

That's the thing about blogs, entries need to be consistent, frequent, and interesting. Think about it, and see what you can do, okay? Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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178

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#4640583

Review of Haze

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey there!
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12^th WDC Anniversary!

This is a good piece of Flash Fiction. I know these are not really easy to write, it is difficult to write a coherent story in less than 300 words, but you managed just fine. I will say that I knew where the story was going from the start. That's not a bad thing at all, it just came to me as I read the story.

I enjoyed reading this, it flowed well despite my little awareness of where you were going with it. I liked how you brought his mother into the story. My only question would be, I think the doctor would be the one to say he's coming out of his coma. I know, that's a very minor detail, and his mother would probably say that no matter what.

A nice story to read, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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179

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#4639863

Review of Remembering Past Christmases

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Connie,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13^th WDC Anniversary!

I love reading about someone's Christmas memories. I can see why yours were very special to you. We all have them, we all treasure those memories. I know what you mean about that Peter, Paul, and Mary album. While I was never a huge fan of theirs, I did love some of their songs.

I'm sorry you lost Jim recently. I hope you have continued to live and thrive in living life. I love writing about Christmas, especially writing about Santa. He's an Elf of course, to me, a magical Elf. I know this doesn't sit well with some, and that's ok with me. Everything I read doesn't always sit well with me either. This does though.

I loved reading about your first Christmas with Jim. Times like that can never be forgotten, nor repeated. The remembrance of Jack's last Christmas is special. This is a very good story of Christmas, and love. Thank you for sharing!

Jim

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180

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#4636467

Review of Time for Retirement

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Teguettler,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

I really liked this. I think you have a good start to a longer piece of work, whether a novel length story, or something shorter. The following are just my thoughts on this, because as an essay, you do a really good job in setting the scene for a story.

You know, you have Hadrian in a bind here. If/when he retires, it seems his second in command would move up, and as you mentioned, there would be increased casualties amongst his men. What seems to 'have to happen' should that occur, is obvious. First though, Hadrian has to think of himself and his family. Yeah, he will fret and worry about his men, but he needs to think of himself first. From what I read, I don't see that happening. IF you chose to edit this to be a story, perhaps there would be a battle with the Barbarians. In it, Hadrian is injured. Not life-threatening, he doesn't die, but it's a serious enough injury that he's forced to retire. The decision is taken out of his hands in other words.

Now his second in command... He is a jerk to say the least, and not much of a real leader. In a second battle, one that Hadrian can't be in due to his injuries, his men are essentially routed by the Barbarians. The kingdom is not lost, just the battle. But, that second in command has risen to a level that shows how incompetent he really is, and there's no way his connections in the court can keep him in his current position. Or maybe he's mortally injured in that battle. There must be someone Hadrian feels would be a good replacement for him, so..... enter this man. Things turn around, the Barbarians are not only defeated in the follow on battles, they are left in such a state that they are no threat to the kingdom for many years to come.

Like I said, I really enjoyed this, and hope you decide to create a story centered around this.

Sum1

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181

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#4634954

Review of The Five Elements

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Master Om,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1^st WDC Anniversary!

Okay, I really saw a review of this as I was updating "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

, and thought I'd give it a look. I'm very happy I did, this is an excellent poem!

The first line in each verse really stands out, and is what makes this an excellent poem. Your rhyme scheme in each verse matches that first line, I loved the way your move the elements names each time, then rhymed to fit the last word in the line. You tell a story, in a poetic way by doing that, and kept this readers interest throughout.

This is an excellent poem that everyone should read! Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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#4633748

Review of Asylum

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Timtu,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7^th WDC Anniversary!

Well, I had to come back and find something else of yours to read. This fit the bill nicely, but left me with even more questions.

I will say that in my minds eye, this story could be edited a little bit, and fit in well with your story "Last Contact"

. Why do I say that? Because my impression throughout the story, is that Adelia was not human. Large lizards, even dragons are mentioned in your story, and could easily be adapted to fit the first story I read.

I know that may seem a bit of a reach, but you got me going with the First Contact story, now this one can stand alone, or tie to that one.

The only thing that got me a little bit about this story, is the end. You didn't tie in the reptilian, lizard-like monsters to this, other than to tell us that they had attacked the guards, which gave her more time to escape. Then she jumps from the cliff to the waters below, and the story ends. a Cliffhanger ending (no pun intended), that was a bit of a letdown it seemed. To quote an old movie from the 80's, "Need more input!",, or need more info..

A very good story, I guess I just wanted more. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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183

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#4633724

Review of Last Contact

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Timtu,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7^th WDC Anniversary!

Somehow I knew from the beginning that the people on board the spacecraft were not human, and that the 'aliens' on the planet below were. I liked the way you hid this from the reader though, it helped move the story along and kept my interest.

Being one who reads a lot and has done a bit of research on any number of topics, I find your story does have one flaw when it comes to being factual. That I know of, we didn't fire on the UFO that crashed near Roswell. We definitely didn't have weapons that would reach into space, though you don't specify where this spacecraft was when the story begins. It could have been in our atmosphere after all. However, we still didn't fire on the UFO, nor did we have any weapons nearby that could have reached the skies of Roswell from a base in El Paso or an other location. I know, I'm being picky about small details.

One of the things that makes me pause a moment though, is this thought. 'What happened to the two who ejected from the spacecraft? Did their escape pod shoot out in to space, or end up on Earth? If it ended up on Earth, where did it go, and who discovered them, or have they not been discovered yet? See, you leave me with more than just one question, which is good. At the same time, this could be the start of a much longer story if you so chose to edit it. A story about the Roswell UFO crash, and what happened afterwards, told from an Aliens' point of view. Imagine if they were humanoid in appearance and managed to somehow assimilate themselves into the American society of the late 1940's. Think of the possibilities! They would be more intelligent than almost any human. There's little they wouldn't have been able to do! Expand on this story some, clarify a bit (maybe their original craft was damaged somehow, instead of being fired on by the alien race below), tell us what happened to those two who ejected, and how they thrived on Earth afterwards.

This is a good story, I just think it could be added to and end up being a Novella or Novel. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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184

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#4632881

Review of Open Mouth-Insert Foot

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey wolfwalker,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

You made me smile reading this, and that was your intention. As a young child I could put my foot in my mouth, I'm sure I can't now, nor will I even try. I can see the looks on people's faces if I asked this question at work. Most would wrinkle their lips in disgust, I doubt anyone would even try it. Then again, with the pandemic all around us, everyone works from home right now, another reason I wouldn't be able to ask this question.

I used to have that talent you have or opening mouth, insert foot. I've learned to stop a moment and think about what to say before beginning to speak. It does help, and prevents people from forming unwelcome opinions about you. Then again, I'll be retiring in a couple of years, and will no longer care, will I?

This a cute, interesting story that people should read if they want to smile. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4632758

Review of What's Behind Me?

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Bad Wolf,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12^th WDC Anniversary!

This is a cute parody of a lot of horror movies. At times the dialog didn't seem to carry it well, then I re-read the genres listed, and realized what you were doing.

At the same time, I loved the dialog between Henry and Hank, that was very good. IT really brought out the character of the story overall, making me smile as I completed the read. The ending was excellent, though I didn't recognize the character wearing a yellow raincoat with a hook for one hand. Didn't matter, it was still a very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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186

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#4630541

Review of A Really Lousy Poem

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Dad,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

Well, I actually saw a review of this while updating the "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

forum and figured I'd give this a look. It's not a really lousy poem at all, give yourself a little credit!

Don't get me wrong, this is not a great poem, but it's definitely not really lousy. It relates a nice story, but some of your wording is a little off, or 'unusual to this old man's eyes. Grudge-L? Hex-ed? The rhyme scheme is good, but the rhythm count is off. Those don't matter to me really, but I did want to mention them. The last line of the second verse is particularly lengthy compared to the others, and throws off the read a little. However, I have no suggestions to offer, other than removing the first word in the line.

Don't be fooled by the title everyone, this is a pretty good poem. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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187

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14 days may be credited.

#4629906

Review of Flight 93: 40 Stars and *A Small Shoe

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Dawsongirl,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12^th WDC Anniversary!

I saw your title, and knew I HAD to read this. I am very glad I did, I love your story!

I've been near Shanksville, I've visited this site. I had to, if you know me, I had to. I try and visit National Monuments/Parks whenever I travel, I used to travel frequently, but not right now. As I said, I visited this field, toured the visitor center, toured the area, and could not stop the tears.

Your story is a great tribute to those forty souls on that flight. I agree too, about Don McLean's song, a song I really enjoy listening to. I can only imagine how you must feel, longing to hear a small plane flying overhead. I can't imagine going to dinner at a nearby restaurant and seeing all those people in the area, an area that is normally very rural in nature with few people around. I wrote a small poem in tribute to the flight also, "An Empty Field"

.

I really enjoyed your story, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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188

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#4629110

Review of We Are So Gullible

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Kenzie,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th (WOW!) WDC Anniversary!

I think you should lock your doors. Why? You said the government is behind all these shenanigans of hypnotizing us and making us believe we'll all get rich if we just forward that e-mail. Are you sure you haven't seen any men in black suits near your house? Maybe a Black Van parked across the street. I bet if you look inside that van you'll see a man wearing headphones with a sensor pointed right at your house! You know he can hear everything being said, or done in your house. Ooooh... Suppose he heard,, umm ,,, well you know,, noises in the night. Not scary ones either.

Seriously, you are correct in your essay here. I have a hard time believe people can be so gullible about things like you describe here. I'm not a fan of Buttermilk myself, I just hope I don't get that e-mail you received because I wouldn't forward it, and would not look forward to drinking buttermilk seven times a day. My meds are bad enough, I don't need to be taking, or drinking, anything more! Nice essay, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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189

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#4622896

Review of If Been

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Mitch,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17^th WDC Anniversary!

This is pretty sweet, or in my parlance, pretty cool. However, I think you could improve this a little, because it seems you might have lost focus and gotten off track. Let me explain.

Early on your tell us what an IF is (drop), as well as a BEEN (Splatter). In my eyes, everywhere you use the words drop or splatter should be instead, IF or BEEN. I realize this ends up using those words more often, but read it and substitute those words. See what you think.

Also, you might consider making IF and BEEN lower case, but maybe different colors. If it was me (and we both know it's not), I would use blue for one, green for another. The title is fine as it is, it's the text of the poem where I'd make that change. Using different colors for the two words still brings attention to them, which is what you did in using upper case. Using those words though, brings focus to what you're saying in the poem. I just think it's a little easier to read, and easier on the eyes. Just my opinion, and I know what it's worth.

This is a nice poem, a pleasant read, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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190

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#4622894

Review of Visual Poetry

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey StoryMistress!
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21^st WDC Anniversary!

I know that you and The StoryMaster

know what this site means to many of us. While I may not be as active as I once was, this site is my home away from home. You list a lot of things that occur every day on the site. I love shape poems, I've written a couple myself. They can be challenging, at the same time, a lot of fun. This is 'cool', thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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191

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#4622389

Review of My Eulogy For Grandpa

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey StoryMaster!
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21^st WDC Anniversary!

Okay, I will admit this isn't perfect, there are a couple of very minor errors/typos. But sometimes in writing, minor errors exist, and should remain. Such is the case here. I would love to have known your Grandpa! He did things that I can only dream of. Trains. I've always wanted one such as the one in the basement that you describe. Horses and racetracks. I've been to horseraces only twice in my life, loved it both times. I'm not a big gambler, and when younger, never had enough money to bet with, so I didn't go. At least I was smart enough to recognize limitations, and go with what I had. Computers. I'm WAY behind you and him, then again, I don't own my own website, have never had my own business. I chose a different path, and have no regrets about it at all.

You show a lot of love for your Grandpa in this, every line just screams how proud you are of him. That's the one big thing I hold against my parents. My father left home when he was 14-15, or so he told us. We never met his family. They were in California. My mother's family was, and is, in South Carolina. We left the south in 1960, I have seen my mothers family once since then, when I drove her to South Carolina from New Mexico. I was 18! So I never got that chance to grow up with senior family members around. Losing my Father when I was 17 didn't help either. I envy people like you who have had that experience.

I found this to be a great tribute to a man you certainly admired, and rightly so. I wouldn't have made it through reading this either. I might not have made it past the first paragraph. Great tribute though, thank you for sharing, and giving me the chance to read it.

Jim

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#4621885

Review of Remission List

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Rhyssa,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

I had to read this, and I'll tell you why. In April, I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a rare form of Blood Cancer. Right now, it's in my bone marrow only, I'm undergoing Chemo shots (Not IV's), and oral Medication. In four months, they will sample my bone marrow again, then we'll know what the next step is. Of all things too, I lost a good friend to Prostate/Bladder/Pancreatic/Liver Cancer three weeks ago today. Funny how a friend gets Cancer, you get it, and all of a sudden, it seems it's everywhere. I've since known of two people who do minor jobs for us to have some form of cancer. So you see, I had to read this.

Your story is excellent and a nice flow and dialog. I can see something like this happening in the world. Riding in a hot air balloon is on my bucket list also. I'd would love to go home to Albuquerque this year for the hot air balloon fiesta, but it's not going to happen. When I do get there for it, I plan on riding in one of the balloons!

The only comment I have about your story is this. Jack seemed very sick, on his death=bed so to speak. To have him be in complete remission a year later seemed a bit of a reach. Then again, I don't know much about cancer, despite being 'blessed' with it. It just seemed a bit out there, the change in his health. Nothing wrong necessarily, it just struck me as a bit odd.

A very good story, well worth the read. Thank you for sharing!\

Sum1

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193

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#4617436

Review of Biography

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Norma Jean,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

Nicely done! BUT! It's too short... Surely there must be more you can share about yourself. You grew up in NE Ohio, now live in Roundup Montana. You didn't share what caused you to move to Montana in the first place. Why did you choose Montana, and why Gardiner, then Roundup? There's so much more you could tell us without being too personal. What I'm getting at, is I thought this was far too general in nature than giving us any real history of you. Then again, if that's something you wish to keep private, by all means do. Just my thoughts is all. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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194

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#4616557

Review of Inside the Darkness

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Joy
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

This is quite a story here Joy. I must admit that I felt early on that Iain was the vampire, but could not tell you why. Your story is deep and involved, with twists at every turn. There's a lot to this story though, and if you didn't pay attention, you would lose focus.

This is not meant to be a criticism of the story because I really enjoyed it. But it seemed to ramble some, almost as if you lost your own focus while writing it. Your characters were well defined and described, Violet's Mum being psychic was a surprise to me. It was the end that got me. Your story had flowed very well with the twists and turns I mentioned earlier. Then, it seemed you just dropped things. Violet's Mum revealed her own secret and the story just seems to end. The end is more of a summary of things, instead of details. Maybe that's best, I don't know. I do know I enjoyed it, and intend to read more of your writing in the future!

Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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195

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#4612082

Review of On Giving Reviews

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Rosielle,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

Wow, what a great article! I love reviewing, but anymore sending a lengthy, detailed review is a rarity. Being the owner of Anniversary Reviews, I've had the chance to read reviews from many of our members. As you know, some people know how to write a good review, and some just plain.... well, we won't say that word here....

I am not a write who knows the technical side of writing at all. I tagged this in a notebook entry and mentioned that I know little of how to really write. At least that's how I word it. I can identify improper usage of the English language in many cases, but there's no way I can tell the author why it's incorrect. I'm fine with that. Yeah, English was my worst subject in school, I really struggled to get B's, if I didn't work at it much, I'd get C's.

There are a couple of very minor things you may want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. Writers are often too close to their own words to know that works and what needs help. Is 'that' supposed to be what?

2. Characters are one of the very most important things about a story. It seems you don't need the word 'very' in this line.

3. The writer should (ideally) include a clear thesis statement that outlines her main idea and major points in the first paragraph. Are all writers female?

You might want to change it to her/his.

Overall, I think you provide excellent advice in this, and wish some of our reviewers would 'read and heed' your words. Myself included.

Sum1

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#4608465

Review of You Could Have Heard A Pin Drop

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Jace!
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13^th WDC Anniversary! Actually, being the featured author for the month, there's no way I'd let the month pass without sending you at least one review.

While I have each of these in the past, it's always fun to re-read them. As much as I'd love to say I have a favorite one, I can't, I love them all. As I've aged though, I've come to realize that while we Americans are a great people overall, so are the people who live in other countries. They were not lucky enough to be born in a country where so much can be earned if you try. I see what's going on in our beautiful land today, and it makes me cringe. I'm almost glad that I won't be around forever because I'd hate to see what becomes of the U.S.A. Personal opinion, and I know what it's worth.

I love making others smile, this one cause that same reaction in me. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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197

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#4606249

Review of Buzz, Buzz

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Adrian,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12^th WDC Anniversary!

You have a good start to a nice story here, but I have to say, it should be a little longer. Of course, that's just my opinion, I didn't write this. What I mean by my comment is, you've shown us the hook, and in some cases, set it. Then you dropped us like a hot potato.

You spent some time developing Gracie's character. I bet more than half the story is setting up Gracie, Hannah, and Cassie's characters. There was a little bit devoted to their party at the bar, followed by a few lines about Adam texting her. Except it wasn't Adam. It was about this time that you introduced the antagonist, perhaps a killer. And suddenly, you dropped it all, and left it to our imagination. There's nothing wrong with that, but man, you could have built this so nicely! Bring in the antagonist, Gracie rushes home... Are Adam and Max dead? Is Adam playing a trick on her, maybe a prank? Is Adam really the man she thinks he is, or is there another side to him that she has no idea about? These are things that pop in my head, and I know you wanted the reader to use their imagination. Nothing wrong with that. But, editing this so it's longer, a few more answers, yet leaving the reader still hanging at the end would have made this such a great story! Again, just my opinion. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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198

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#4605901

Review of Watch Where You Winkle

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Ben,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13^th WDC Anniversary!

I have to confess that I was wondering where this was going. It seemed too short to have much of a plot or underlying story. Then, the second part of the story arrived, and things shifted. You left me wondering if the human's that were thrown on the beach lived or not.

Nice twist, I really enjoyed it!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

199

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#4604084

Review of Will he ever go away??

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (2.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Daniella,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17^th WDC Anniversary!

First, let me say that your story is pretty good, and it probably more truthful that most. This probably happens more than I care to think about, I just hope this is a work of fiction.

I always try to send Anniversary Reviews that uplift someone, but I must be honest, and can't for this one. There are several grammatical issues in this, as well as formatting issues. If I may, here are my comments, and advice on it, if you choose to edit this.

1. When a new character speaks, you should start a new paragraph. In using paragraphs, double space them. This is not a requirement, it makes it easier to read in a soft copy format like this.

2. I mentioned grammatical issues. There are many misspelled words, as well as incorrect word usage. This is what I saw, it is not a complete list.

a.  That is all you really need to know for know, you will learn the rest as we go on. The second know should be now.

b.  I just don’t understand what one earth I could have done. One should be on.

c.  “Maybe if I stay quite he will just go away." Quite should be quiet.

d.  “You thought I would you were off the hook, huh?” As written, this sentence does not make much sense. You have a couple of extra words here, I'm not sure which ones you want to keep.

3. I mentioned using paragraphs. Here's an example where you could use a new paragraph.

“Mom, can I go with Janie tonight to her house to hang out?” Sarah asked. Her mother didn’t answer right away; she just sat there washing dishes like a robot. Ever since family starting falling apart she had been this way. She was always depressed, once in awhile she would be in a really good mood and she take Sarah and Zach out of school for a day and go do all kinds of fun stuff with them. That was usually only when their dad was away though. “Yeah, I guess. What time will you be home?” “How about 10 since it isn’t a school night?” Sarah replied. Her mom didn’t answer so she took that as a yes and left.

I have no desire to point out every small thing I see, but I hope this gives you a good idea what your story needs edit-wise. Again, it's a good story, but it needs a bit of editing TLC. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

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#4603235

Review of My Inheritance...

for entry "Mommy's Poetry Books..."

Review by Sum1

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hey ruwth
Your mother and mine seem to have a bit in common. She too wrote poetry, much better than anything I've written. At least in my opinion. This is beautiful, I love it!

Sum1

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