EXTREMELY well written, at first I thought your wording excessive, but after the fist few paragraphs your love of the English language really comes across, and makes for some humourous, incisive and haunting passages. I really love everything about this story!
A new take on stream of consciousness ! Most of this is not exactly fun or useful or interesting to read, but I like this phrase "I am tainted, I am stained.
I'm diluted, I am rain." Perhaps we should leave this stream of consciousness stuff to Virginia Woolfe.
I love the idea for this poem, the last verse is very beautiful, with the longing to rise above mortal feelings very well expressed.
I don't like this part though :
Every unkind word
Every whispered curse
Stabs at me and makes me want to scream.
Have you heard of the word, "emo", in America?
Only joking - nice poem.
that was hilarious (chortle) - like every sentence Can't say I can think of any ways to improve it, but I bet you get about ten million complaints for being prejudiced. Oh well. Love all the jokes against England, my town has about 50 pubs.
I love this beautiful poem, it sets the scene so well... I like the fact that the woman on the porch is anonymous, though she occupies the same space. Her self imposed exclusion is respected, with compassion. Thank you for reviewing me, and allowing me to find your work !
I like the atmosphere of this poem, and the line "The fall air greets us at the door." but for some reason the poem doesn't seem to flow very well; perhaps because you are mixing past and present tense, I'm not sure whether that's the effect you intended. Perhaps to linger on each part of the development would create a more harmonious poem. Keep up the creative imagery!
Had to read the fourth sentence a few times, but once I started thinking properly, I found your explanation well written and informative. Thank you for taking the time to explain grammatical questions to people like me, who don't have any knowledge of the more complicated lexicon.
Very sad, the different emotions were well conveyed. I love the phrase "I've made/ soft garments of my memories", and several other original thoughts. However you also used many cliches, such as "tinkles clear as crystal in my ear", which personally I find jarring in poetry. Sometimes it is more effective to say the thought in a simpler way, or to invent your own imagery, as you are so good at doing. The spirits haunting the moors remind me of Cathy and Heathcliff; it really suits the poem. I love the structure, too. Well done!
Ha ha ha!! That was really good, from the first descriptions of her feelings about clothes, to the suspense created near the end. I really like this sentence"Turning to face the mirror, I am completely present"; as if she is not always completely present, but rather slips and slides out of view as is convenient. There were quite a few typos that were a little distracting, and I didn't like the description of her pale blue glacier eyes, but whatever, good read!
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