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362 Public Reviews Given
375 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to imagine I've just taken a seat in the waiting room at a doctor's office and picked up a magazine to pass the time. Suddenly - what's this? - I stumble upon your little work of art. As a result of reading your story, either I will 1) I like it so much I MUST have it, so I stuff the magazine down the front of my shirt and hope the doctor isn't checking my heartbeat today, or 2) Become so nauseated at the ineptitude displayed by your chicken scratches that I will beg the doctor to consider me for an emergency euthanasia. Chances are it will be somewhere in the middle.
I'm good at...
I like to think I can recognize a good story when I see one. I can also recognize general structure errors, but it is important to realize that I 'ain't no stinkin' English teacher' either, so I probably won't catch everything. Besides, if it turns out what I'm reading is a real train wreck, it's likely I'll get frustrated with all the errors and shut the review down prematurely. I will try to be as constructively critical with your piece as I would wish for someone to be with mine. Okay?
Favorite Genres
Dark/Horror/Scary/Thriller/Suspense/Supernatural/Humor (intentional or otherwise)/Drama/Ghost...
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that says you didn't do your due diligence before sending it to me is -- in my mind -- a "crummy genre." Nor do I wish to read your political rants -- as enlightening as they may be...
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories/Fiction
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry! Unless you're convinced you have something that will sway me because it's A) Damned funny, or B) So sad I'll begin blubbering three verses into it. Otherwise, you'll probably cure my insomnia. Poetry ain't my strong suit, gang!
I will not review...
1) Your homework 2) Your kid's homework 3) Anything that suggests to me that you didn't even bother to use the spell check feature before sending it my way. In other words, if you sent me stuff because you are simply too lazy to correct the simple stuff yourself, then don't waste my time (or yours)! NOTE: ***Please keep it under 3k words; I want to have time to write my OWN stuff which can be ripped by some other reviewer - I deserve equal time, you know...***
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 -4- ... Next
76
76
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : A haunting poem that probably very accurately summarizes the fears of many who are single w/o family, and facing an ominous future.

What Stood Out (Favorably): I liked the "forthrightedness" (I think that's a word) in addressing the concerns of one who is knocking on Heaven's door.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: I thought the poem really hit home by virtue of the chilling manner in which the questions were asked.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! I really liked this...


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
77
77
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Ingenious fanasy about your conflicts re: writing prompts!

What Stood Out (Favorably): I really enjoyed this from start to finish, wondering where you'd go with it. (Personally, I enjoy writing prompts, either as the challenge presented of coming up with a story totally "blind," or to successfully come up with a way of incorporating my story into some difficult parameters, if you know what I mean).

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: I thought it was really great the way you brought the story full circle back to "you." Very, very clever.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! I can't give you advice...that story's just too awesome!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
78
78
Review of Ghetto Dweller  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Nice job! Free verse doesn't ordinarily float my boat, but you captured the essence of the ghetto (at least as I see it) quite nicely.

What Stood Out (Favorably): You covered all the bases (dropping out, drugs, crime, etc.) which comprise the heartbeat of ghetto life. Thought it was a well done (yet painful) snapshot.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: I don't know what to offer in terms of criticism.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! I thought you covered "edgy" in a very forthright manner!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
79
79
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Wow! What a powerful and emotional poem. I am not real familiar with that style of poetry (my poetic experience is fairly limited) but at the end of the day, who cares? That was quite emotional and gripping.

What Stood Out (Favorably): The subject matter and the manner in which it was relayed. Although quite sad, it is a captivating piece of work.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: What can one add to that? It's obvious to me why there's a ribbon next to the title.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Nice job...


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
80
80
Review of Easy as Pie  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : I think it's safe to say, that - given the circumstances - you've put the "flash" in "flash fiction" (as in flash fire)!

What Stood Out (Favorably): I would take some "pot" shots at Julian re: his cooking expertise but there were just too many similarities between him and myself for me to get that carried away!

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: This was a very well-written and humorous entry for flash fiction; particularly given the imposed word limitations of the contest.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! It's always a pleasure to read a nice little story like that...well done!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
81
81
Review of Pillows  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Nice topic for a lazy Christmas day (waiting for dinner and football to begin).

What Stood Out (Favorably): The subject! I think you echoed the fears of all people who, well, sleep! (But especially children, of which I am still accused of being, at times). The poem has a nice flow & balance, and what I call "sense of progression." I liked it.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: Nothing to offer; thought it was fun.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Nice job; keep up the good work!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
82
82
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : This is probably the epitome of the inspirational "feel-good" poem. There's a message; it makes us pause and think.

What Stood Out (Favorably): The pace of the poem quickly accelerates (as does my heart beat) as the "serenity stalker" closes in on its "prey." I thought every line was perfectly balanced in each stanza; and felt every word had a function in the poem. I read it four times and swear I noticed something new each time I read it. I really thought it was great.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: No criticism from me. I am not at this level of poetic prowess.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! That really was a joy and I'm glad the random review tool found it for me.


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
83
83
Review of Critical Reviews  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Oh! The inherent irony of reviewing a piece on reviewing. Seriously, is there any way I can walk out of this NOT looking like an idiot?

What Stood Out (Favorably): Actually, I think this piece should be heavily recommended to anyone contemplating doing a review prior to any actual reviewing. I know the whole point of reviewing and the corresponding value of the grade that accompanies it; but I still have fallen into the trap of passing over those items that need a lot of work; simply because I don't want to be the "hatchet man" to somebody's efforts. This is evidenced by the fact that my reviews average something like 4.3 or so. I think that number is an accurate reflection of the items I have reviewed, but it's artificially high because of my reluctance to rate the "less than stellar" pieces.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: (Note that I've completely turned the tables and am suggesting this to myself). Commencing today, I solemnly swear to review all levels of work regardless of perceived "skill level."

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Also, review everyone! Oh, and by the way, I downloaded and printed out a copy of Critical Reviews lest I contemplate "relapsing." You might say, "the esprit moved me" (but I don't recommend it; it's a pretty bad joke).


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
84
84
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your poem because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : What a wonderful, genuine, and certainly timely poem. Although this was written a number of years ago (2001) it is one of those that will never go out of style. And although the title implies it is directed towards WDC in particular, the last couple of lines are the only ones that a WDC "outsider" might not get. In other words, I think everybody would enjoy this poem!

What Stood Out (Favorably): Something about it just has a "traditional" feel to it. It is warm; most of the references bring back memories for me, as I'm certain they would do for most folks.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: I can't think of anything (legal)! To me, the only thing that would improve it would have been if I had written it, as I would certainly be proud to lay claim to this baby!

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Thanks for sharing; I consider myself fortunate for having stumbled across this via the site's "random" reviewing feature!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
85
85
Review of Fly Away  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Aryana-

I selected this by choosing the "random" review button.

I liked this poem as you got a lot of mileage from the relatively few words/lines in your poem. The poem could apply to any number of envisioned scenarios, which I imagine is one of the benefits of such a short piece (few constraints).

The balance and symmetry of the poem is great; it sounds and feels good.

At the same time, and it's probably just me, and I don't poclaim to be any poetic master by any stretch of the imagination, but I think it could have been a little longer. Again, that's just weird old me, so please take it for what it's worth...

Regards,

Indelible
86
86
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : I'm impressed by anyone who has (had) the patience to do the 100 word no repeat thing. I thought about it a few times, but figured I'd probably burst a blood vessel in my brain, so I opted out.

What Stood Out (Favorably): Telling a story in 100 words w/o repeats is quite an accomplishment; I'll be forever impressed by that regardless of anything else.

Characters: in the constraints of the word & repeat limitations, you did an excellent job.

Story: As with the characters, you did a fine job, although I think you give away your "surprise" in the story teaser. I wouldn't want to offer that much ahead of time.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: Other than what I just wrote above, I think you did an excellent job; I bow before you and proclaim, "I'm not worthy."

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Good stuff...I'll be back to check out more soon!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
87
87
Review of An Exiled King  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story because I chose the Random Review tool. So, basically, that means that the reviewing powers-that-be have decided that it is our destiny to meet in this fashion; here's hoping that you are not regretting your destiny a few minutes from now.

Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not even a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Well...Let's just say that even though this was randomly selected, I never expected to stumble upon a letter written about 200 years ago!

What Stood Out (Favorably): The subject matter! A lot of questions I always had regarding Napolean and history were answered today - not to mention when Hide and Seek really gained in popularity.

Characters: Well defined in the context of a letter.

Story: I like the way you told your story in the confines of a letter.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of helping a fellow writer!: Hard to criticize something presented in a format such as this; I got a kick out of it.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! I can see you have a pretty good sense of humor, which is always a good thing in my book. Keep up the good work!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. Conversely, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it."

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com

Indelibleink Laughing Guy
88
88
Review of The Long Way Home  
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story in order to fulfill my obligations with the

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Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback...

Initial Impression : Whoa! Must say I just randomly chose this baby; safe to say that this is the first time I've reviewed a children's story (so if I come off as ignorant, it's only because I am). I think this brought out the inner child in me, because it didn't take long before I was thinking as a kid (of course, my wife might argue that that's due to my very close proximity to STILL being one)!

What Stood Out (Favorably): I liked your word choices; I thought you painted a good picture without breaking the word bank.

Characters: I could easily visualize them very early on (that's a good thing).

Story: Well told as far as I can tell (trying to imagine the audience).

Background: Efficient.

Dialog: Very desciptive.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of one Rising Star helping another (That way, we can "flame out" together)!: I thought it was well done for about 500 words.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do! Looks like you've chosen a niche that suits you; keep up the good work!


Final disclaimer: I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. At the same time, even if my review is just gushing with superlatives, it then also follows that you can still probably hold off on the drafting of your acceptance speech for a Pulitzer. And lastly, if I have succeeded in agitating you to the point of retaliation, I do apologize, but please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it." Heck, we're Rising Stars; we can take it!

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com
89
89
Review of Moose  
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there. Indelibleink here. I'm reviewing your story in order to fulfill my obligations with the

** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **



Keep in mind that I'm not a reviewing professional. Actually, I'm not a writing professional, either. Consequently, please remember that my opinions are just that - opinions, and we all have different styles and preferences when writing. So, in all likelihood, my perspective will differ - perhaps radically - from yours. So please do not feel offended if my views don't coincide with yours - this writing thing can be pretty humbling for even the best writers. With that in mind, let's proceed to the feedback:

Initial Impression (upon completion of reading this piece): Fun read. Having had dogs as a kid, I could relate with Jimmy quite easily.

What Stood Out (Favorably): As I alluded to above, I have a positive connection to this story to begin with. My dog wasn't quite as huge, but my struggles with "control" were! This being a flash fiction entry, word count and the inclusion of the prompts into the story were hurdles you had to overcome, and you did a very good job with both.

Characters I had an easy time visualizing Jimmy, the policeman, and, of course, Moose. Character definition was good

Story Well done in *Heart*00 words

Background Again, well done with the limited word count.

Dialog You maximized the dialog, again, in pretty strict parameters.

What might I suggest for improvement? Please know that any criticism(s) are offered in the spirit of one Rising Star helping another (That way, we can "flame out" together)!: None I can think of. You did a really fine job with this story.

Best advice I can give: Keep writing! That's far and away the best thing a writer can do!


I hope this may be of some benefit to you. If my review was less-than-flattering, just consider the source. At the same time, if my review was just gushing with superlatives, then it also follows that you may not need to start working on you acceptance speech for the Pulitzer just yet, either. Also, if I have succeeded in agitating to the point of retaliation, please make note of my address below, visit my port, and "let me have it." Heck, we're Rising Stars; we can take it!

Indelibleink
indelibleink@writing.com
90
90
Review of What is WITH me?!  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I look at this as something of a "rant turned rationalization." And that's not to say that you're not entitled...obviously, you can write whatever you want in any manner you desire. Personally, I see the makings of a pretty good short story here - should you ever feel so inclined. You handle your words and express yourself well...I say take it to the next level!

There is a rollercoaster ride of emotions here about a number of things...pull the plug and let it roll.....

Just a suggestion meant with the best of intentions.

WordImperfect
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Review of i loved you!  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The following suggestions are just my opinions and are made with the best of intentions; certainly you are free to with them what you desire:
1) You seem to capitalize only the first words in any sentence; after that anything that should be capitalized (names, in particular) are not. Try to develop proper punctuation habits as they do help the reader quite a bit. I'm referring to the lack of a question mark after a question, and numerous places where commas should be, but aren't.
2) Spell check is available and helps immensely; it doesn't hurt to run a piece through spell check.
3) There is a drift between present and past tense in a couple of places; try to be consistent with the tense used.
4) Check for grammatical errors ("her eyes widen" should be "her eyes widened"; "Would know that there was an angry force behind eat and every hit onto the door" required me to re-read a couple of times to understand what I think you were trying to say; that sentence can be smoothed out considerably).

Yes, it sounds like alot of stuff, but in reality it's all pretty minor and can be straightened out rather quickly.

Not only that, but I thought you did a pretty good job in telling the story.

Keep at it, and you'll be fine...
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Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Inspired by a bad dream? Those are called "nightmares" my friend! Actually, I think this was a well-written piece, because to me, even though it was very predictable, I still had to see it though to completion. I see you are fairly new here. Familiarize yourself with spell check, bcause words like "cementery" are an un-necessary distraction. Also, you need to hone English skills a bit; phrases such as "I accepted delighted" or "after his dead" can cause the reader an ill-timed pause in the story flow. If you clean up those items, I think it is much better than a "four" rating; you definitely have some writing skills, because I think you can put some pretty powerful sentences together.

Keep up the good work; I really like your style.

WordImperfect
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Review of Loss  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Spelling: realization(5th from last paragraph); fetal (2nd from last paragraph)
I like the story; easy to read, follow,etc. Must admit that I haven't done much in this area (genre) as far as writing goes, but have to admit I enjoyed reading the whole thing. I'm not sure the last sentence fits ("sad sigh") and the rest of that sentence is already certainly implied.
Bottom line: I enjoyed it immensely and would highly recommend it to others. Good luck in the contest. I haven't read any of the other entries, but I must say I like your chances...
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Review of Falling  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This was a rather intriguing story-line to me; certainly something that I never had considered, so I wanted to read on further to see what would happen to Jackson/Kevin. I think, that in all honesty, I was a little disappointed in the ending; for to me what it did was reiterate the cyclical nature of life & death; which we all are aware of. I also am not sure that the correlation of the "falling" experienced in the first part of the story (via the balloon) carries over that well throughout the remainder of the story...didn't really 'click" for me. Additionally, I guess, given the unique vantage-point of Jackson, I was expecting something a little more "surprising" but that may simply be because that's my own style of writing (tend to go for a surprise whenever I can fit one in). Do not get me wrong, I think the story was well-written and your word usage was also very good. Also, now that I think about it, if I was surprised by the lack of a surprise ending, then does that not then qualify it as a surprise ending? Anyway, I guess if it were me, I might re-consider the "falling" arrangement, and perhaps throw a curve in at the ending so it is not quite as predictable. Having said all that, you're obviously a good writer, so take what I write in the "big picture" approach as I'm sure others will view your piece differently!
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Review of My Love  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.5)
Another very emotional poem. And another well written one. I'm sure there is a word that describes the "jagged" manner (I'm quite certain that "jagged" is NOT the word) that permeates the left-side indentation; normally I don't think I would go for something like that. but in this instance it works, and it works very well as far as I'm concerned as it indicates the overall air of instability that surrounds the poem. I felt the emotion immediately, and like a teapot beginning to boil, I could sense the increase in pressure as the poem progressed. My poetic expertise is basic at best; so I feel no sense of authority in criticizing this poem. Again I can only go with the feeling generated in my gut from reading this several times, and my blood pressure is higher at the end than it was in the beginning. (Translation: I would tell others to read it - what else can I say)? Nice job!

Review done as a task for "AUTHORS' SPOTLIGHT - Season 6"   by 30DBC Creator/Founder
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Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: E | (4.0)
My initial reaction is that this is without a doubt something that comes straight from the heart; there is emotion tied to every word. I can relate to this to the extent that I love my own wife tremendously but to be honest, we have some "dull moments" (But I will show this to my wife just so she knows that there's room for improvement before I go out and write something like this).
In all honesty, this type of poetry is foreign to me, so it is very difficult for me to measure it without a yardstick, if you know what I mean. Also, you might want to run "volumn" through the spell check once or twice as I think there is a better spelling of the word.
Having said that, I started off by saying that you can feel the emotion and energy throughout and that's something even I can recognize & appreciate.


Review done as a task for "AUTHORS' SPOTLIGHT - Season 5" by Dr. T - Authors Spotlight On! (128) drtaher
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Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The description of the contest is, by itself, well done, and makes the contest sound like fun. But, since it's July 6th now, you might want to delete the June 15 sign-up deadline since it does no longer apply (as per amended rules) , but some folks might stop reading when they see the June 15 date. As it stands right now, it looks like you're waiting indefinitely for the last contestant(s). If that's the case, aren't you running the risk of going to the point where some of the original sign-ups may drop due to other commitments /obligations/loss of interest? Also, this page has a lot of information; it might be worth considering trimming it just a bit!

Other than that, it's awesome!
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Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Upgrade Aides  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
My impression of the contest is this:
I think it was pretty much exactly as advertised, with one exception. The only thing I take issue with is that in the "How does this work?" section, in bold letters, it is stated, "Please realize that this is not a writing contest." If you go back to the judging criteria for each round, it seems pretty much most of them were being judged exactly in the same manner as a writing contest. (And if not, I guess I'd need the differences pointed out to me). That's not a complaint on my part; I just don't feel that it (that statement) applies since I'm not sure what other criteria you could use.
As far is the daily "hoops" we were required to jump through, they were pretty much as expected; fairly diversified; some requiring little effort (I.e. limerick) to considerably more effort (4 reviews in one day). The only one that I think you should consider pitching is the rate/review of the judges. In the interest of avoiding any possiblity conflict of interest accusations, given the fact that this is a competition and the contestants are all out to gain the favor of the judges, why put them in a potentially compromising position?
Along similar lines, anyone that writes and then subsequently has that writing evaluated by another has to realize that failure is an inherent by-product of the business. Like most of the arts, whenever you have humans judging humans, certainly everyone has biases whether they admit it or not. I most certainly do. Unless one is an incredibly gifted writer, he or she is going to experience rejection more often than not. Do I think I should have won more rounds? Sure...there were a few that I though I couldn't lose. But that's my point: Anybody who has any confidence in their own ability should expect to win, but also has to realize that the odds dictate it's not going to happen all the time. No doubt most of the contestants each felt (for the most part) that their respective daily submissions were winning material, and felt a bit bummed when they didn't win. I guess it all comes down to this: You have to have a thick skin to be a writer, but no doubt an even thicker skin to be a judge!

Thanks, it was fun!

WordImperfect
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Review of Fuzzy Abstraction  
Review by Indelible Ink
In affiliation with Upgrade Aides  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is affiliated with the "Upgrade Aide" contest.
UPGRADE AIDE CONTEST  (13+)
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#1430328 by emerin-liseli


I do not have alot of experience with poetry (either writing or reviewing), so take that for what it's worth (although sometimes the perspective from someone "distant" to your work can offer a different "take"). Personally, I like the "rythym" and/or "flow" of Fuzzy Abstraction; I like to see a sort of logic in poetry (in both the message and the pace) and you have that here. You don't have to be a secret agent to decode the message (some poets work so hard on finding just the "right words" that the message often gets lost in the vernacular), so I like a poem with "readability." While I could feel the emotion, you have to reach in and grab my heart to get a 5.0, and I didn't quite get that, but I still liked it alot...
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Review of The Blooper  
Review by Indelible Ink
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was a lot of fun to read. Being a father with two daughters who played fast-pitch softball in high school made it easy to relate to; my wife and I would always get a kick out the parents who seemed more like PR reps than parents! You have an uncanny ability to create an "I'm-there-while-it's-happening" environment, so it was easy for me to become part of the story (i.e. living it with you). The perspective from the announcing booth was great; it's not often we get that...You choose your words well and offer a seamless story flow. Keep up the good work!
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