Hello there! Indelible Ink  here, with review of your work. But, before we begin, let's get the disclaimer out of the way: I am not a highly-trained professional. Actually, I'm not even a somewhat-trained amateur. That being said, however, I am also not of the opinion that you need some special skill-set to explain how - and why - you feel the way you do about something you just read. This is just my opinion, be it right or wrong, and you are free to take as much - or as little - as you'd like from my comments.
My review criteria is pretty straightforward, based upon the premise that I just sat down, opened up a magazine, and came upon your story/article/poem by chance. As a result, at the end of the day, all that really matters - to me - is: Was I interested enough to want to read this piece in its entirety, and why or why not? It's simply the same evaluation criteria I use when watching a movie. When it's over, all I really care about is whether I was entertained or not; I don't really care if the director was trying to convey other messages, or the methods he/she employed when making the film. It's irrelevant to me. Likewise, I didn't spend all day dissecting your piece; my free time is too precious (hence the use of this template), and I'd much rather be writing than reviewing. But seeing how I, too, like some feedback once in a while, it makes sense to concede that reviews are a necessary evil. When someone reviews my stuff, all I care is if they were entertained or not, and - if necessary - where I could stand to improve the piece? That's all I'm doing here. Fair enough? With that in mind, let's commence with the bash-fest (Just kidding)!:
1) Overall Impression: Well-written childern's story with a happy ending. Predictable - albeit unlikely - ending.
2) Best Part(s): Certainly, the uplifting "moral-to-the-story" ending was a finish that anyone who has a physically challenged child would dream about.
3) What I Thought Needed Some Help: As uplifting and gratifying as the story is, I must admit to finding it highly unlikely that a child with a foot that, as you described, "has become very thin" which also implies loss of muscle in the area, would not only decide to compete in a foot race the day of the race, but win the whole thing to boot. At least, Rocky trained - and all he got was a "split decision!" Also - given the obvious physical condition of the kid's foot - I can't imagine many parents going along with the kid just deciding to give it a go on race day and being okay with it.
4) Why I Gave It The Rating I Did: Nice story - you told it well - I just found it a bit too unrealistic.
5) Suggestion(s): If it were me, I'd have had the kid working (training) some to at least get the foot back on a par with that of the other kids. The tortoise and the hare, you'll recall, only involved two competitors, so you only needed one contestant to fall victim to over-confidence. In a race which features, presumably, multiple entrants, you'd need an entire bunch of kids to feel the same way. Personally, I'd want 'em all drug-tested if that were to happen!
In spite of all my babbling, you're a good writer! Keep it up!
Oh, and by the way, this is a
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I certainly hope this was of some benefit to you. If not, come on over, read one of my items, and rip me a new one! After all: I'm a Rising Freaking Star; I can take it! |
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
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