Why I Am Reading This: This review is the third of eight you get from Round 30 of "Invalid Item" , as part of MaryLou's entry fee to the raffle.
During/After Reading:
You wrote People are people, we are all one kind. throughout this...
But.. the story isn't about people at all. It's about creatures, animals, beings... I'm not saying they're less than people, by any means...
Other than that, everything looked good. It was very entertaining and came with a needed message.
Why I Am Reading This: This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight, whom you were so kind as to have reviewed recently, and is in connection with "Invalid Item" .
Before Reading: Use your brief description (on this and other items) to draw your potential reader into your item. Stating what contest this was written for usually won't make that happen.
You can write what you wrote it for in the body of the item... where you can even include a link if you desire.
Great to see you using a genre for this. I will see if I can suggest a couple more after reading.
During/After Reading: This really flows. I love the rhythm - It really makes this an easy poem to read aloud. That is so important for me to be able to enjoy poetry.
I really loved this poem, but one thing bothered me: The fairy knew that she was in a mailbox, yet seems to not have known that the mail carrier would have put mail in there and potentially hurt her.
This is a very cool contest. I will do my best to come up with at least one assignment for you.
I wonder if this contest will receive more entries if you post specific topics (say, what you want to teach 2 months from now) and give a month deadline for each topic you present. That way, you will have any entries in a month before you teach that topic and know what you'll need to come up with on your own and what you got from Writing.Com members.
Why I Am Reading This: This was requested to receive an awardicon through "Invalid Item" .
Before Reading: Consider not bolding the whole thing. Maybe just bold the first letter of each line to make the fact that it is an acrostic stand out more.
During/After Reading: I love your word choices and descriptions throughout this. You really did a great job!
Why I Am Reading This:
It was entred by Princess Megan Rose in the reading material category Round 22 of "Invalid Item" Good luck!
Before Reading: I love your brief description!
The picture at the beginning is adorable. Thanks for sharing.
During/After Reading: Who is Collette?
You got a kitten from a pet store for ten dollars?! Wow!
You wrote She weighs in at fourteen pounds, now. The comma there isn't needed.
Even as a cat-lover, it was pretty difficult for me to really get drawn into this. It felt like you were just ticking of your cat's stats. Maybe you can try showing us some of her antics... tell us a funny story or something.
Let me know if you change anything so I can re-review.
Why I Am Reading This:
This piece was entered in Round 18 of "Invalid Item" . Good luck!
Before Reading:
This should be a fun read!
During/After Reading: Looks like you handled that pretty gracefully! Thanks for being brave enough to share this. Can't wait to see the story you mention at the end
Why I Am Reading This:
This piece was entered in Round 18 of "Invalid Item" . Good luck!
Before Reading: Good to see that you chose all three genres, wrote a brief description, and put extra spaces between your paragraphs.
I wonder what the title will do with the poem. It should be neat to find out.
During/After Reading: Your introductory paragraph was very attention-grabbing. I really like how you chose to let us know about the narrator of this. The first sentence, however, can use a little work. I know it is just a short sentence (so the next one comes quickly), but I still felt that it was 'blah'.
You wrote My mood was considerably more sour than usual due to the fact that I’d just seen Die Fledermaus, an opera that revealed the woeful inadequacy of my German. I was confused about what you were saying for a bit. I thought maybe you were saying the narrator was origionally was from Germany and she was ashamed that she was German. Maybe you can change it slightly to "inadequacy of my ability to speak German."
About 1/3-1/2 of the way through reading this, I'm left wondering where the story is going... what this is about. I like the descriptions, but there doesn't yet seem to be much of a story.
(Reading on, the purpose of this piece came. I just wanted to let you know what I was thinking as I read.)
I am very glad I had this piece to read. I read it leaning close into my computer screen, loving your descriptions and the emotions you so magically brought out. I came to the end feeling an immense peace and calmness.
Before Reading While your brief description lets the reader know what is to come, it isn't as interesting or attention-grabbing as it could be.
Don't forget about using "Genres" Consider "Emotional" and "Death"
During/After Reading In the crowd one life is lost.
Absence of life is no cost. I really like these two lines individually... but when they are next to each other, repeating the word 'life' takes away from them. Vary them a bit.
Hurry quick get out of here, Quick doesn't fit right. Maybe "Hurry now - get out of here"
We need some room to hide our fear. I'm confused. You use "my world" and now you are useing "we". Who is this about?
Is there a pattern to when you repeated the first words of lines? I can't seem to get it if there is.
Break this into stanzas. It will be a little easier to read.
Having punctuation after each line adds too many unnecessary pauses. It really takes away from the flow of the poem.
After saying all that, I must end with saying that I really liked this poem. You used some really interesting phrases and drew me in.
If you change anything with this, let me know so I can re-review.
Congrats on winning the last round of " Wild Card Review" [E].
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Before Reading
You should all more "Genres" to this. I will come up with some suggestions later.
And, come up with a better brief description that will draw your reader in.
Make sure all the words in the title are capitalized.
During/After Reading
It would be nice to know what your prompt was for writing this.
Adding more substance to this would improve it. Put more action into this. You have great descriptions, but it doesn't really lead up to anything... didn't seem to have a point.
Congrats on winning the last round of " Wild Card Review" [E].
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This is a great game - Lots of fun! I have only suggestion for you:
Under the puzzle and the lists of what has been revealed, also list the letters revealed. I know all this can be found in the forum posts, but maybe it would be easier.
Question: You are no longer revealing all of a specific number at any time in the puzzle??
I liked how you wrote this poem. It's beautiful.
The brief description added to my enjoyment of this item.
There was one place that I felt could do with some change:
The last line. I think my problem with it is that two lines above you say "he saw" and here you're saying "and see" I think you just need to try to vary your word choices.
Other than that, your poem was great!
Your descriptions are beautiful! I love how you described the woman at the beginning of the story.
Over the years, her voice, coming to mean food, those same two head would pop up and the same two geese would quickly swim over for the food they knew she’d have. This line is not written very clearly at all.
She grew up thinking that that was how marriages were; a life time commitments. A colon would work better than a semi-colon The 'a' should not be there. At this point in the story, I'm left touched by your messags and descriptions. I'm excited to read on!!
She felt warm and excited and oh! So very happy. I believe it should be written as 'oh so very happy.' (with no capitalizations or mid-sentence punctuation.)
Somewhere along the way after several failed marriages and three wonderful in spite of everything children, You might want to consider adding hyphens to make it read 'wonderful-in-spite-of-everthing'
You should include * * *s or more blank lines to separate out the last two paragraphs, as they take place in the future.
You asked if you should continue this. I think you could do good to it by continuing it... but it depends on how you write the rest and what you have to say.
As it stands, I like how it ends.
I got to the folder holding this item because the title sounded interesting. The combination of title and brief description of this item is what got me to choose this item above others.
Mum argued with Dad so I was able to wear the top, but I knew I looked silly.
This line is a bit confusing. Are you saying that the Mum changed her view of the shirt?
This is a good start, but can use more description... and some lengthening.
If you change anything, please let me know so I can re-review it.
Intuey - this is beautiful! Not only is it about my favorite animal, but the word choice is perfect for your purpose.
The only problem with this is that butterflies generally don't live in nests (at least to my understanding they don't). Maybe there would be a better way to word that.
{/i}And I will protect you with{/i}
might be a possible correction.
So you know, the image listed on the top of this is no longer valid. What was it?
I am wowwed by this. You've written it beautifully.
The only small suggestion I have is that you do something a little differnt with the quotation. Italicize it or put your poem in a differnt color, possibly.
Keep on writing!
By the way, this was one of three review won by of_the_ona is Professor Q's auction. They were gifted to you.
You always host interesting contests! I was reading through this earlier and got to your prize section and though "hmmmm... this sounds a lot like Kraken" And low and behold -- it was you! LOL
Anyway, I will try my hand at this at some point... too bad I just missed this!
Don't forget to mention that it was included in today's edition of the C&A NL.
Oh, and when you have an opening and/or closing date for this, let me know so I can add it to "Invalid Item"
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This review is the third of eight you get from Round 30 of "
This is a reciprocal review on behalf of 
That is so important for me to be able to enjoy poetry.
Consider not bolding the whole thing. Maybe just bold the first letter of each line to make the fact that it is an acrostic stand out more.
Who is Collette?
You got a kitten from a pet store for ten dollars?! Wow!
Let me know if you change anything so I can re-review.
This line is not written very clearly at all.