Wow. That sure is emotional, it gave me tingles. I feel the adequate sadness that came along with reading this, it gave me a lot of emotions.
This is very well-written I believe, I don't see much poetry without rhyming anymore. I don't find any errors, but I suggest using a word other than 'babe' the second time you use it, you already used the same word before. That's just my opinion, though.
Very good! Keep up the great work, and thanks for requesting!
Beautiful. Absolutely marvelous. I enjoyed this short-story so much, it was so smooth and left me scrolling down for more. I was dragged in by the first sentence, and I could really get a feel for these two.
Since I'm attempting to give advice along with this review, I got very picky with grammar and found this gem:
"Reed scoffed still rubbing his chest."
I recommend putting a comma between 'scoffed' and 'still,' if you read it without a small pause between those two, it sounds awkward.
Otherwise, I find nothing else! Keep up the fabulous work!
Very good, short and simple. I loved the syllabetic and rhyme scheme that you used, it made it even more pleasurable to read. It shows the distaste one has for another, the wish for the other to 'go away.' Satisfying to look over. Very nice, keep up the good work.
Once upon a time there was a forbidden love, tied together by fate herself. The two came from other kingdoms, who's differences have now caused a long and heavy bloodshed. Everyday, the two lovers would meet in secret, behind the old oak tree, away from sight. There they would whisper softly, just loud enough to hear, as the two kingdoms brawled. One day, while gathering on that late October night, the couple was found by old Sir. Hollow, the wisest elder for thousands of miles. The old fart just smiled his aged smile, blessing the two for bravery. "While everyone is unnerved, these two young'uns found love." The senior croaked. Because of that, the teens made a plan. It was dangerous and was littered with the chance of failure, but they believed. One night, while the Kings scuffled, the lovers pushed their way through, screaming a stop. Their practiced speech silenced even the most unwilling, and their story touched many. The silence went on, until finally, the King himself bowed to the brave characters for a moment more than quickly. The other King grumbled, but after setting apart their quarrel, the slaughter had been silenced.
Andi how do you make me so emotional over writing ohhh my god I'm still so sorry you had to go through this. This was an amazing poem, powerful and really emotional for me. I'm glad you're making things here, you're really good at writing.
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