Oh wow, this could be interpreted as quite a dark piece.
You have absolutely superb diction, which I adore seeing in use. Language is not utilised enough these days.
I think you have presented a really good concept in, that is concise, relatable, and something that I think a lot of people could unknowingly become enthralled in.
To comment on your short description, I think some of the most amazing poetic works have come out of dark and depressed feelings. So, good on you for choosing to utilise it and express yourself so well.
The piece flows quite well, with the effective repetition of "Drip. Drip" joining each stage of the persona's journey together to create a smooth and fluid story.
Your diction is good and is evident of deep emotional roots.
I appreciate the diction, and the stanzas have been set out well.
The story and meaning behind it is simply a pleasure to read about.
It is a little bit heavy, but not really lagging - which is good.
A great little piece of writing, you have created here.
I thoroughly enjoyed being allowed into your past and current thoughts on your journey.
Just thought I would mention, I think the words "do's" and "don't's" don't actually need apostrophes. Sorry - I am a grammar natzi.
Otherwise though, your grammar seems impeccable. It is really nice to see a well punctuated and enjoyable piece.
Despite the fact that you have successfully told your story in few words, I think you have potential that should be explored in longer texts as well. I would love to read it!
It is not the sort of topic you sort of read about. Which is surprising actually.
Anyway! I thought this piece had a good flow and rhythm to it.
Your stanzas are phrased well, and it was 'catchy' to read.
Just one thing - One of the lines, and I don't know if this was intended because I might just be reading it wrong, it says "Grant my thy boon" where I would of thought it would say "Grant me* thy boon." I could be wrong though, so if I am you can ignore it.
This piece almost gave me chills. In a good way, that is.
I really enjoyed reading this piece.
The beauty and simplicity of the stanzas both intrigues and enthrals me.
Personally, and this really is just a personal thing, I thought that the repetition of the word "when" was distracting from the importance of the emphasised beloved character. But I understand the difficulty to write four similar stanzas with varying words that mean the same thing, or start a similar story.
Otherwise, I think this is really well written, as did the judges of the October contest about inspiration. They obviously know their stuff.
Despite the topic, it is not depressing itself. And it has a pleasant and appropriate well-flowing rhythm to it, which seems to come rather naturally to you.
Some people, I suppose, fear to speak of some... perhaps 'touchy' topics. But I think you have done this piece very well, in a very honest manner. And in a strange way, that seems to make it less "oh my god". Which I think is good, honestly.
I am keeping an eye out for your work! Keep it up!
Take care.
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